In interpersonal relationships, many people have a misunderstanding, which is the "dualism" in relationship management. In my daily work, I also found that some people are prone to this phenomenon. If someone treats me well, I will reciprocate and give everything I have to treat others; if someone treats me badly, I will retaliate and even take extreme measures to protect my rights.
At first glance, this understanding is quite reasonable. They also have a sense of boundaries for people. However, this can also cause problems in their interpersonal relationships. You will quarrel with colleagues, have conflicts with friends, and have fierce arguments with your partner. After tossing and turning, coming and going, I found that there was no one close to me.
What is the main problem here?
The main reason is that this approach is too "absolute". lacks empathy and a comprehensive and objective understanding of people. There is a situation of blinding one's sight and not being considerate when dealing with problems, thus causing discomfort to others and affecting others. Development of interpersonal relationships.
It may not be easy to understand, but it will be clear with an example.
You work hard at your workplace, and you are very motivated to do things. You can complete any task assigned by your leader; but in the process of doing things, you lack methods, you are quite upright, and you are not good at teamwork. Whenever the leader tells you that you need to cooperate with the team, you say that you don't need to. I can do it well by myself, and politely refuse to the leader.
Although decisions like this will not affect your work efficiency, your interpersonal relationships at work will definitely be poor. Because individual decision-making here leads to a decrease in team efficiency; it seems that you work hard and complete your work seriously, but you ignore the spirit of teamwork, which will make your interpersonal relationships worse.
Everyone will talk about you behind your back: "Look, this person is a loner again. He is very rigid. He does all the work by himself. Forget it, let him go."
It is true that you have no bad intentions, nor do you mean to give Colleagues cause trouble, but to get along in society, you always need to establish connections with others. If you focus too much on yourself and ignore your peers, you will encounter isolation.
This phenomenon occurs a lot within the system. Those who do well in the system are those who are able to get things done and have good interpersonal relationships. In addition to doing things, they are also good people, get along well with leaders, and are promoted relatively quickly. They patronize those who do things, but don't get any care. They work in the same place for a lifetime.
When this happens, you need to reflect on yourself and think about whether you have any problems with teamwork or problems in your interpersonal relationships at work.
In addition, there is also a sharp issue that needs attention. The issue of being kind with a bit of edge, not being cowardly and not being respected, and being isolated when you are strong has nothing to do with "power" itself. To maintain harmonious interpersonal relationships, it is not that others will like me if I am "strong", but "whether I can help others if I am strong" can maintain this relationship well.
In psychology, there is a concept called "need". Needs are the expression of an individual's internal and external needs. Interactions between people involve interests and relationship needs.
I get in touch with you and keep in touch. In addition to being a nice person and letting me appreciate you, I can also get my own needs from you. This need is not only material, but also emotional and spiritual. I lack a sense of security. If you are considerate and gentle, then I will respect you and be willing to get close to you and interact with you. If you don't have these qualities, I won't like you anymore and will keep my distance from you.
It is partially reasonable to say that good people are bullied by others, and good horses are ridiculed by others. However, it is by no means an "absolutism" in interpersonal relationships. If you are kind, you will be bullied by others and will not be respected, so I will not Be kind.If you fall into such a "dual relationship", it will be difficult to get along well with each other, because you think of the relationship between people too simply and ignore the complexity of people themselves.
In this world, if people want to have good interpersonal relationships, they need to do three things:
1. Be kind. Kindness is the foundation of interpersonal relationships. You must have the right mind. People can do wrong things, it doesn't matter, but the original intention must be good. Don't do evil because it is small, and don't do good because it is small. As long as you have a kind heart, even if there are conflicts or conflicts, others will resume their relationship with you afterwards.
2. Empathy. should be good at considering others. While maintaining boundaries and accepting oneself, allow oneself to release a state of empathy to take care of others. If you take the initiative to help others when they are in trouble and release your enthusiasm to warm others, you can also gain good relationships.
3. Sincerity. is sincere to others, gentle to himself, always understanding no matter who he is with, and can communicate sincerely and friendly no matter what he encounters. When you are strong, you will not bully the weak, and you will respect and be considerate of the weak.
If you can maintain these three mentalities and reflect them in your behavior, your interpersonal relationships will not be bad. No matter how long it takes, you will retain your place in the hearts of others.
