A letter from a reader said:
I am 36 years old. Because I have a baby face and like to wear trendy clothes, many people who don’t know me well think that I am only in my twenties. I was in a bad marriage before I met my husband, who was more than ten years older than me. At that time, I had just graduated from college. Due to the influence of the external environment, I felt that if I married a rich man, I would be able to sit back and relax in my future life.
My ex-husband is a businessman and rich. I married him not because I like him, but because I care about his money. I originally thought that in such a marriage, I would gain happiness, but my true feeling after getting married is: I am not short of money but very lacking in emotional aspects. The marriage didn't last for a year. We divorced. I initiated the divorce. We have no children.
Many years later, I started to be picky in the field of love and told myself: I must find a man who treats me well and whom I like to get married.
and my husband met purely by chance: at that time, we took the same flight to travel to other places. During this period, my husband gave me meticulous care, which made me fall in love with this man. Of course, my husband also likes me very much. When my husband confessed his love to me, I told him all about my previous relationship experiences and my actual age. My husband didn't mind this. You know, my husband is 9 years younger than me. Now, we are married, and after we got married, my husband pampered me like a princess. I admit that in marriages with a huge age gap, there will be a generation gap, but there does not seem to be a generation gap between my husband and I. Maybe my mentality is younger and my husband's mentality is more mature.
Looking back on my marriage to my ex-husband, and looking at my current marriage, it’s like heaven and earth. Although I was not short of money when I was with my ex-husband, I was not happy and was spending my ex-husband's money. I didn't feel at ease at all. My husband and I are both ordinary office workers, so we can’t have whatever we want, but through our efforts to strive for a better life, I feel particularly comfortable. The key is that my husband is very good to me. Warning to all women: When choosing a marriage partner, please follow your heart instead of becoming a sad woman sitting in a luxury car and crying.
Muzi Li Emotional analysis:
Marriage is just a choice. No one knows whether the final result is happiness or unhappiness, and everyone has different definitions of happiness; people's views on marriage and love will change with age, environment, and self-perception. Changes occur due to changes in the relationship. In my own perception, as long as it is happy, it is a good marriage. However, in this era where heroes are judged by money, perhaps more people envy you and your ex-husband's life together, because at that time, you appeared to many people to have no worries about food and clothing; on the contrary, not many people envy you. Your life with your husband comes from the fact that you and your husband are just ordinary office workers. I found that no, regarding the happiness of marriage, we need to adhere to this mentality: I want what I feel, not what you feel.
The essence of marriage is to live together. In a relationship, there needs to be a feeling of mutual devotion, so that married life can develop in the direction of happiness. Some people feel the selfishness and double standards of their partner in marriage. There are usually two reasons for such a result: either because the other person cannot love you at all, causing the other person to be unable to show interest in giving in front of you; or because the other person is selfish deep down and only knows how to love himself. Obviously, when you and your ex-husband got married, you didn’t love your ex-husband that much, so you just thought he was rich. You had no interest in contributing during this relationship, and you didn’t take it for granted when you spent his money, which led to you I feel that such a married life is awkward.
The minimum standard for finding a marriage partner: At least you don’t hate the person you are marrying. Otherwise, you are just obsessed with money at the time. After marrying the other person, you have no sense of dedication, and it will be difficult for you in this relationship. Find a sense of existence, so that such feelings will eventually be incomplete in your cognition. In a relationship, participation is really important. Only when you are truly willing to give and invest in a relationship can you gain happiness from it. Love sometimes comes to each eye, and there needs to be some shameful feelings during this period.For this reason, more people will ignore people who like them but don't like them, and are willing to show hospitality in front of people they like.
Although no relationship can escape the fate of going high and going low, if two people have ever experienced falling in love to death, even if they quarrel over trivial matters in life, they will still feel that they have invested too much in this relationship. Even when I'm frustrated, I can't bear to break up. Therefore, when choosing a marriage partner, everyone should try to find someone who loves each other very much. And because men and women have different expressions in the field of emotions, when they really can’t meet someone they like each other, men should find someone they particularly like, and women should find someone they particularly like to get married. Perhaps in such a marriage relationship, During this period, there will also be unexpected surprises. During this period, the passive person in the relationship must at least be grateful.
Of course, the most difficult thing to solve in married life is money. Especially when people reach middle age, they spend more money. At this time, if the money in hand cannot satisfy the basic needs in life, problems will arise between husband and wife. Too many arguments about money. In the process of running a marriage, neither person can behave in a lazy way. Under normal circumstances, when two people have no loans and both have stable jobs, they can live a comfortable life without being extravagant and wasteful and have the awareness to save money. In addition, if you want a happy married life, mentality and cognition are also very important, and you must have a feeling of contentment during this period.
Because people have different experiences and have different understandings of relationships, some people begin to reject love, but the vast majority of people are still obsessed with love. Many times, the reason why we choose to enter the besieged city is not all to give an explanation to the world. Sometimes it is because of the existence of the person we love that makes us want to be mean, and we can't help but want to live with that person for the rest of our lives. Here, I hope that everyone can find the lover who will make them have no regrets in this life. Of course, there will definitely be some troubles in the process of running a marriage. As long as we love each other enough and don't be too sad when things happen, I believe that the current difficulties can be solved, instead of trying to escape through divorce when things happen.
Editor's Note:
It is not easy to build a family. When choosing a marriage partner, it is best to base it on love. In the process of running a marriage, you will definitely encounter unpleasant things. At this time, you should remember how you got through it all. When your married life is a little unsatisfactory, if you think more about the difficulties of your lover and think about it, it may be easier to think through many things. If you look at the things that once made you distressed afterwards, you will find that they are actually nothing.
After all, life is not smooth sailing. There will be some troubles during this period, but it also accumulates strong family affection and too many small beauties. Family affection and small beauties are the hedging capital that we use to forgive our lover's small shortcomings. For this reason, we must not expect our lover to be a perfect person. After all, we ourselves have some shortcomings. Use love to be tolerant to your lover and don't have too harsh expectations for married life. It will be easier to perceive happiness in married life.
(pictures from the Internet, pictures and texts have nothing to do with it)
