In the eyes of outsiders, I am a very good strong man. In fact, I never think that I am that good. I even feel that I am stupid, and even stupid in a pure way. I am obviously very angry, but I am worried that others will be angry because of me. I was sad, so I vented my anger...

In the eyes of outsiders, I am a very good and strong person. In fact, I never think that I am that good. I even feel that I am stupid, and even stupid in a pure way. I am obviously very angry, but I am worried that others will be angry because of me. I felt sad, so I vented my anger...

I am not smart, but I can barely understand things. I know I have many shortcomings, but I am very kind. I never expect too much, and I will return double the kindness that others do to me, because I know the weight of the word "cherish".

Since I was in elementary school, my grades have always been among the best, and I have been loved by my teachers. My future looked infinitely bright to all. In fact, only I know that I am not happy at all because I often get sick.

I have been frail and sickly since I can remember. I have to go to the hospital every now and then. This is what I fear most and the pain I will never forget. My father carried me on a bicycle. Because I was thin and had no flesh on my buttocks, and the mountain road was bumpy, the round trip was 20 miles. They all felt like there was no end to the torture. On the way to the hospital, the more I was afraid of meeting people, the more I wanted to ask: Is this child going to the hospital again? To be honest, it is more uncomfortable than digging out my heart with a knife. I will prick my head as low as possible...

Every time I come back from the hospital, I have to take injections for a month. My butt is like a sieve and my legs are limping. , others thought I was born with polio.

Winter is the most difficult season for me. I have to cough all winter long and take streptomycin for several months. My hands and feet are cold, chilblains cover the entire back of my hands and heels, exposing the white brittle bones, and my hands are red and swollen. , I was so full that I was as full as a pig about to starve to death, and I couldn’t even hold a pen...

Later, someone gave me a folk remedy, drinking raw eggs, and the number of trips to the hospital gradually decreased. But the taste is not as good as having your butt smashed into a sieve. I really couldn’t drink it, so I asked the person who gave me the prescription if I could add sugar. I was told to add some brown sugar, but it didn’t taste much better even after adding sugar. It turned out that there was a lot more. When I couldn't drink it, my mother would scare me with death. I drank it without fear of death. Every time I swallowed it with hot tears...

Every time after school and on weekends, other The kids can run and jump, but I can't. In summer, other children can go and play in the shadow of the trees, but I can't. In winter, other children can go to the ice to smoke tops, but I can't. One thing that makes me even more sad is that every autumn, the captain of the production team will organize the members to work on the field in the evening, either wrapping corn, pinching millet, or dividing radish... There are always some things in autumn. There was endless work, so at night my mother would take my sister to put on a cotton-padded jacket and go to work on the field, leaving me locked at home alone, because the late autumn night was very cold and I was afraid that my little body could not withstand the wind. I spent every night crying, feeling scared and terrified. Only the sound of crying could give me some courage...

The most terrifying time was that the sky was overcast that day, thunder was rolling, lightning was silent, and the sky was uncertain. , the production team leader asked one person from each household to go to the Black Valley to distribute radishes, which is in the valley south of my house, halfway up the mountain. At that time, my father was the secretary of the brigade and was often away from home. Every time I distributed things, my mother would take my sister with me. As for me, I would be locked at home again.I strongly asked to go with them that day. There was lightning and thunder and I didn’t dare to stay at home alone. My mother said: If I take you with me, I won’t be able to get the carrots back. I have to carry you back and forth. No matter what my mother said, I was determined to follow. , I cried hard and still hugged my mother's legs. My mother kicked me into the house in anger, locked the door and left. I cried desperately and saw all kinds of imaginary monsters appearing in the lightning light. I collapsed on the ground. I feel really helpless, drowned in the vast universe by the dark sky and the bright light, until I am hoarse...

Whenever autumn comes, my nerves are stretched tightly, for fear that the hateful production captain will scream again The members worked and shared things, and I hated the captain to the core...

The night outside the window slowly darkened, but it left me with eternal pain and an everlasting lack of security... …

Grandma often told her mother: This child can’t marry anywhere when she grows up. Just let me live. I’ve already made a good match for her, and that child in our west courtyard is honest and kind, and won’t make my granddaughter angry. If he could not carry a bucket of water even if he walked two miles away, he would have to starve this child to death if he eats and fucks him every day... Now that I think about these words, I actually laugh.

A childhood riddled with holes has unknowingly turned into a memory...