Are there such people in your life:
They are polite to outsiders, polite and respectful, and often greet people with a smile.
But when he returned home, he seemed to have changed his appearance. He would show off his face at the slightest trouble and lose his temper at every turn.
Family members are obviously our closest people.
But why do we always leave good tempers to outsiders and bad tempers to family members?
The reason is very simple and cannot be separated from the following points.
There is a concept in psychology called: regresses to .
means that when people encounter setbacks, they will abandon the adult ways they are accustomed to and regress to children's ways to avoid reality and get rid of pain.
Subconsciously, we think that our family members are safe.
No matter how ugly we say or how outrageous we do, our family will forgive us unconditionally.
That’s why I feel emboldened and unscrupulous to get angry at my family.
And all of this is just because our family loves us and cares about us.
Some time ago, there was a scene in the popular drama "人世" that left a deep impression on people.
Qiao Chunyan was asked by her employer to move out and return the house in one night.
She was angry and aggrieved, but she couldn't express these emotions at work, so she expressed them on her family.
The son just complained weakly to his grandfather: "I don't like living in a small house." Qiao Chunyan suddenly became angry.
She shouted: "If you don't like living here, get out. Your mother has no ability, so she can only let you live here."
Qiao Chunyan's father advised her: "You scared the child, what do you mean when you say you are arguing with the child?" "
Picture source: TV series "The World"
This advice angered her even more, and she yelled at her father:
"Smoking less, don't go back and get cerebral thrombosis like Debao's father. , there are enough things at home. "
Picture source: TV series "The World"
Qiao Chunyan's mother was packing things and just said casually:
"This basket is quite new, let's take it with us. It's a pity to throw it away."
Qiao Chunyan immediately turned the attack on her mother:
"Cao Debao, don't move it. Give these furniture away. No one wants to throw them on the road.
Let me pick them up. Mom, please make some space to put these broken baskets, broken cabinets and so on."
Picture source: TV series "The World"
I heard a saying: "Everyone in this world who tolerates your bad temper is the person who cares about you the most. ."
Losing your temper costs money.
The reason why we leave the best side to outsiders and the worst side to family members is because we know:
There is no need to pay the price for losing your temper with family members.
Because your family will accept your bad temper unconditionally. They will tolerate you, tolerate you, and understand you.
But this is actually a manifestation of selfishness.
Just because there is no need to pay for offending your family, you take off your disguise and use your family as a punching bag.
says things that hurt his family and does things that hurt his family.
But I still want to say:
Home is a place full of love and warmth, not a place to vent your bad emotions.
As a human being, everyone has emotions sometimes.
We can lose our temper, but we should not leave all our bad emotions to our family members.
Netizen @三 hydrogen dioxide shared a story:
During the Mid-Autumn Festival , she and her sister-in-law were standing in the living room chatting. At that time, my sister-in-law was more than 4 months pregnant.
Her aunt's grandson, a fourth-grade boy who was 1.4 meters tall and weighed more than 120 kilograms, suddenly pushed her sister-in-law hard from behind.
My sister-in-law screamed and fell forward. Fortunately, she stood not far away and hurriedly held her sister-in-law tightly, so that she did not fall.
Afterwards, their family asked the naughty child, why did they push someone?
The naughty child said nonchalantly:
"I saw on TV that a pregnant woman would have a miscarriage if she fell. I just wanted to see if pushing her would also cause a miscarriage."
Image source: Zhihu@三hydrogendioxan
After listening to this After all, their whole family was extremely angry.
Then, with the mop rod in her left hand and the rolling pin in her right hand, she hit the naughty child from the dining room to the living room with her left and right bows, and kicked and kicked the naughty child out of the house.
The later story is:
During the Chinese New Year, the naughty child refused to come to their house.
When I saw her at my grandma’s house, she slipped against the wall and left, and she didn’t dare to take another step closer to her sister-in-law.
Image source: Zhihu@三hydrogendioxide一
Of course, sharing this story does not advocate using violence to fight violence.
What I want to say is that even relatives will not spoil you, let alone outsiders.
You can act wild and lose your temper in front of your family, but society is not your parents, and no one will tolerate you.
In a certain program, the host asked Zhou Guoping:
Why do we all leave our good temper to outsiders, but leave our bad temper and the worst side to the people who love you most?
Zhou Guoping’s answer is as follows:
Because you know that outsiders will not spoil you, maybe it will be a slap in the face.
And you also know that your family will not leave, so you are confident.
Human nature is to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.
Outsiders will not spoil us, so we dare not offend, our attitude will be polite, and our mood will be gentle.
Sometimes, I will be ridiculed and bullied because I am too flattering and humble.
But no matter how angry I am outside, I don’t dare to lose my temper easily at others.
is not that he has no temper, but he understands that in order to live, sometimes he has to bow his head.
Venting emotions is just a temporary pleasure, but the price behind it may be beyond our imagination.
Family members are different. They understand your experience and understand your sadness.
Even if you get angry at them, they will often stand in your shoes, be considerate and understanding of you.
But this is not the reason why we repeatedly hurt our families.
Although the injury can be forgotten with time, the scars are still there.
Our politeness and respect, gentleness and softness should also be reserved for family members.
Do you still remember the story you read when you were in school?
The girl and her mother quarreled again. In anger, she turned around and ran away.
Walking in the cold wind, hungry and cold, she stopped in front of a noodle stall.
The owner of the noodle stall was a kind old lady. Seeing her pity, he brought her a bowl of wontons and a side dish.
She was so grateful that tears fell down after just a few bites.
When the old lady asked her what was wrong, she told her about the quarrel with her mother.
After listening, the old lady said something:
I just cooked a bowl of wontons for you to eat, and you are so grateful to me.
Then your mother has cooked for you for more than ten years, why don’t you thank her? Why are you still arguing with her?
people, it’s really weird sometimes.
We will be "grateful" for the small favors given by others, but we will "turn a blind eye" to the lifelong kindness of our family members.
not only is not grateful, but takes it for granted, and even consumes the love of his family wantonly.
But there is no so-called taken-for-granted thing in this world. Behind all the taken-for-granted things, there is just someone who loves you silently.
may be a parent or a partner.
We can appreciate the contributions of others, but we cannot see and appreciate the contributions of our family members.
is more picky when it comes to his family, he is confident and turns a blind eye.
I saw a sentence on the Internet:
"It is instinct to be picky about people close to you, but overcoming instinct and not being picky about people close to you is a kind of education."
A person's good temper outside may be due to the pressure of life. Tactfulness in life.
And a good mood at home is the cultivation that truly goes deep into the bone marrow, and it is also the most difficult cultivation for a person.
Family members are the people in this world who have been with us the longest.
They also deserve to be carefully guarded and treated well, instead of enduring our bad temper and bad emotions.
Please be kind to your family for the rest of your life.
Don’t just leave politeness to outsiders, and leave bad emotions to those who love you.
If we say, "A person is irritable with his family but kind to outsiders", it is a weakness of human nature.
So, how to overcome this weakness? We can work hard from these two aspects:
Treating outsiders:
. Being kind to others is an attitude.
Being kind to others is the attitude we should have when interacting with others.
But not everyone deserves our gentle treatment.
If you encounter someone who is unfriendly or plots against you, you can refer to point 2.
. Learning to say no is respect for yourself.
It is also important to learn to express your attitude when faced with things you don’t want to do or can’t do.
Everyone has the right to refuse.
It’s not that we have to do what others say.
. Don’t please others and don’t wrong yourself.
Whether it is interpersonal communication or speaking and doing things, as long as you are right, there is no need to overly accommodate others.
Respect your own heart and please yourself more.
Instead of living in the expectations and evaluations of others.
Treat your family:
. Don’t bring bad emotions home.
For everyone, it is the most basic responsibility not to lose their temper with their family members.
When we encounter grievances and sadness outside, we can deal with the emotions first before going home.
Instead of taking bad emotions home and using your family as a punching bag.
. You must know how to think from others’ perspective.
When you have conflicts with your family, you might as well think about it in their shoes:
What is your family’s starting point? Is it good for us? If so, is there a better way to communicate?
If you often think from someone else’s perspective, the conflicts in a family will be reduced a lot.
. Emotions cannot solve any problems.
Your bad mood will not solve the problem, it will only make it more complicated.
At the same time, it hurts the person who loves you the most.
You must know that everyone has a temper. It is instinct to show it out, but it is skill to suppress it.
host Liang Jizhang wrote this passage:
Relatives are only destined once. No matter how long you and I will be together in this life, you must cherish the time we spend together.
In the next life, whether we love it or not, we will never meet again.
Family members are meant to be loved, not hurt.
For the rest of our lives, I hope we can be kind to our families, get along with them gently, and live a happy and fulfilling life.
At the end of the article, click [Reading], love your family well and love yourself with all your heart.
encourage each other.
Author | Sister Carrie, she never gave up love and freedom in her life.
picture | Internet (if there is any infringement, please contact us for deletion), Visual China
