has been helping people who were cheated on for so long, and I have been lucky enough to witness all kinds of men. Of course, most of them learned about it from the mouths of women who were cheated on.
When anyone is betrayed by the person they love the most, the pain will probably be unforgettable for a lifetime.
Although we have repeatedly emphasized that when encountering infidelity, the first thing you should consider is what you want and how to deal with it? Instead of thinking about what the man is thinking.
But the sisters who are deeply involved in it can’t help but explore what the cheating man is thinking? Why would you do this to yourself?
According to Sister Si’s summary, the most frequently asked questions by cheating groups are:
“Since he cheated, why didn’t he get a divorce?”
“Sister Si, how can we say no to the relationship we have had for so many years? What are you thinking about? "
" He said that the person he loves is me, but why would he cheat? "
" He said that if I give him time, he will cut off the relationship. Is that true? ...
There are too many whys and I don’t know how; there are too many contradictions and I don’t know what to say; there are too many entanglements and I don’t know what to do.
I made a summary based on what I have seen and heard over the years, as well as the cases I have helped, plus some research results to help the sisters clear up their doubts. Today we will give an overview. What is the psychology of men who have these three actions after cheating?
01 After cheating, the mentality of blaming the blame on the wife
Is it unchangeable for men to cheat? Don’t you love me anymore? Are you crazy? Is it really impossible to change it?
But the answer to this question, Sister Si opened a topic in the group before: The reasons why men report having affairs.
As soon as this question was thrown out, everyone was like a pot exploding. You and I started telling each other how the cheating man they met gave themselves excuses.
The discussion process was so lively as never before.
Everyone has seen how big the world is and how many weird men there are. We have also seen that different men have the same reasons for cheating.
Yes, if you have also experienced, or are currently experiencing, your partner's cheating, then you must have seen his face looking for excuses for himself - rationalizing his wrong behavior in order to alleviate his guilt, and even Transfer the responsibilities that should have been borne by you to your original partner.
It is even possible that you are still being brainwashed and confused by his reasons, and you really think that it is your fault that he cheated on you.
"You are too strong, not gentle, and can't understand me."
"You can't satisfy me in sex/life/emotions..."
"Because you don't trust me and always look at my mobile phone."
" I don’t have a sense of belonging here, and I have no goals or motivation in life.”
“I can’t communicate with you. You don’t care about my feelings and don’t care about me.”
“You don’t have a good relationship with my mother. I’m always stuck in the middle. In the middle, you can't be a human being. And she is very considerate.
...
Here are just a few of the trivial matters accumulated over the years, which have been turned out to be the reasons for cheating.
From the above, you can see that there are many men of this type in real life.
When you do something wrong, you don’t look for the reasons within yourself, but instead look for the reasons for the other party. Establish a causal relationship between the other party's minor shortcomings and your own principled errors, thereby justifying your own wrong behavior.
There is a term in social psychology called: Justifying Cruelty.
refers to the cognitive dissonance that occurs after a person does something seriously wrong - he has done something that is principledly wrong, which conflicts with his persona of being a loyal and upright person.
Under this kind of imbalance, people will instinctively look for ways to make their cognition no longer imbalanced - I am still a loyal and upright person.
In order to achieve the purpose of not lowering their personality, people begin to find reasons for their wrong behaviors.
In the case of cheating, the wife, as the victim, naturally becomes the scapegoat of the cheater. They pin the reason for cheating on their original spouse so that they can still maintain their positive personality in the past and make their behavior more reasonable:
There is a reason why I do wrong things, and it is all because she is not good enough/marriage Not good enough, so I deserve to be forgiven. The poor first wife embarked on the road of changing herself to cater to men.
Many women who are not firm in their hearts will really feel like a loser when they encounter such a scene, and they actually make their other half suffer so much without knowing it at all.
If this is really the case, why did Chen Sicheng cheat? Why did the article go off the rails? Is it because Tong Liya is not beautiful enough? Or is Ma Yili not good enough?
Therefore, the reason for a man's cheating must only be related to the man. Remember, he cheated, and he was the main perpetrator. He cheated because he wanted to cheat, and it had nothing to do with us.
He said he was unhappy in his marriage, so we must not be happy either. Why didn't we cheat? And he cheated?
Therefore, his cheating was a principled error and an act that crossed the bottom line. It should not be compared with the shortcomings in marriage.
No matter what is wrong with us, it is not a reason for him to cheat!
This type of men are the men that Sister Si despises the most. I don’t take responsibility for what I have done, and I still blame others for it, but I continue to feel at ease and feel that I have done a good job in this matter.
This category is common in those cases where they were lucky at first, thinking that their wives would not find out, but after being discovered later, they were unable to end it and could only break the pot and throw it away.
02 The "Emperor's Dream" of not getting divorced but having three marriages
Men need to fight more in society to support their families. The cruel competition makes them accustomed to calculating the gains and losses. From love to marriage, men will calculate every account clearly. How much energy does it cost to get married, and how much energy does it cost to get divorced?
When his cheating behavior is revealed, he may face the decision of divorce from his original wife. Divorce means that the property he has worked so hard to obtain and pay for must be divided equally into half of the other party. How can a man hand over such a huge loss so easily.
Moreover, in a man's world, love and family are not everything to him. He also has a career and friends, but women regard family as everything.
Writer Starr once said: "Love is the history of a woman's life, but just an episode in a man's life."
Cheating is just to satisfy some desires, it can be sexual needs, it can be emotional emptiness, but you make him need to There is no need to pay the price of divorce.
Of course, there is a situation where the value of the mistress is high enough. If you divorce the original wife, you will not lose anything, but you will also gain something. Then the result of weighing the pros and cons may be to separate from the original wife.
Judging from the tens of thousands of cases that we have come across, the majority of men still do not want to divorce.
Divorce is a waste of time and money, and it will most likely affect his career, social relationships, etc., so he definitely does not want to touch this troublesome point.
Moreover, it involves the raising of children and the support of the elderly. Originally, they only needed to help with everything, but after the divorce, they may have to do it themselves. This is certainly not a situation they want to see.
What should I do if my original wife finds out?
Begging for mercy, swearing an oath, or giving up some benefits, and a few sweet words can easily win over the original wife.
Most men dare to cheat because they are psychologically convinced of their original wife and feel that she will never leave them. So I beg for forgiveness to show that he still has value in the original pairing.
Therefore, a man who cheats not only wants to keep the peace at home, but also hopes that there will be as many people as possible outside. Threesome is the beautiful state they desire most. Hug left and right, dreaming of an emperor.
So, when he says to you, I will break up with her now! You probably can't believe it. No one can break away from an intimate relationship neatly and immediately.
Especially the relationship between men and women, the more they are not allowed to be together, the more they miss it. The more it takes root in his heart, this is the Romeo and Juliet effect in human nature. .
So even if he cries and begs for forgiveness when you show off your cards, there is a high probability that the old relationship will rekindle before long. However, this time I am more careful and better at acting.
Who can resist the huge temptation? Especially when the first cheating can be easily forgiven even if you are caught.
Even worse, when a man cheats, his wife feels guilty and feels that she has not done a good enough job. Men have simply become vested interests in cheating, so why not?
Anyway, if he keeps doing it, you won’t get divorced and you will reflect on yourself. Why should he stop doing it?
03 The secret trick of a cheating man after being discovered - escaping reality by using cold violence
Cheating is obviously the fault of the cheating person, but the other party has to pay for it.
A woman in modern society is a wife, a daughter, a mother, or a daughter-in-law. She not only has to give birth to children, but she also has to earn money to support the family.
And why should we pay for the mistakes of unqualified men who cheated and punish ourselves?
So awareness is very important. Why does he want to be cold and violent? What is his purpose?
There are not all men who want to divorce after cheating, especially those in the crazy stage. However, due to the pressure of children, face or money, a man will most likely not initiate divorce. Instead, he will initiate divorce because his wife cannot bear it through cold violence.
In this way, everyone in front of and behind him can say with peace of mind that you are the one who wants the divorce. He will have an explanation for his children, his parents, and even his own conscience! The point is that everyone knows who files for divorce and who gets the benefits.
Cold and violent force is the most effective trick used by almost all cheating men.
Of course, men are rational and value interests. Sisters who have experienced cheating and divorce battles all know this.
Therefore, most cheating men do not want to divorce. The cost of divorce is too high. Not to mention dividing half of the property, it is not good for the person, career, and children. What's more, if you don't get divorced, it won't prevent you from cheating.
So a threesome is what they want most.
Then the wife discovered that when kneeling down and apologizing still doesn’t work, cold violence is also the most effective way to restrain her.
If you don’t know what he is thinking, it will be difficult for you to have an attack and it will gradually subside. Then they will find an opportunity to sue for peace, saying that Duan San will return to the family and go underground. In their opinion, the goal of the "threesome" has been achieved.
Another way is that if your wife makes a big fuss again, you must divorce her. When he fails to seek peace, the best way is to use cold violence. Ignoring you will leave you helpless.
However, it also tells you that he disdains you and undermines your confidence. After such a period of time, the wife's determination to divorce will most likely be affected, thinking that he is reluctant to let go of herself and the children.
This situation is most common in marriages where the wife’s abilities and interests are greater than those of the man.
His cold violence is a protest or even a punishment for you, and he does not think that he is wrong for cheating.
Once you meet a high-value third party one day, or if he can afford the price of divorce, he will probably force you to divorce.
So, it’s not that I hate you, it’s just not cost-effective.
Because I wanted to write about this topic today, I asked my male friends yesterday what they thought about cold violence? It doesn’t mean that men understand men best, and their thinking will be different from that of us women. Take a look at what they said:
In a nutshell, no matter what the reason is for a man to cheat, cold violence is all because he doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t care about your feelings. There is only one purpose - It’s all for Get what you want and achieve the goals that are most beneficial to you.
The above three psychological states of men after cheating are the most common, but they are also the most fatal to wives. But in fact, no matter which one they are, they are not what we should pay attention to.
The correct approach is still the same. No matter what he does or how he behaves, we must understand that he is no longer the person he used to be, and your family is no longer what it used to be.
Yes, he cheated, and he did something unacceptable to us.
He is no longer qualified and is no longer a qualified husband.
Perhaps we cannot divorce due to financial, children, elderly, personal needs and other reasons, but there is one thing we must be clear about: we no longer need to love him, and he is not worthy of our love.
always puts himself in the position of a screener. We don't need to chase his approval, and we don't need to cry for an unqualified person to come back.
Remember the third article of the woman’s framework: When he is not qualified, we will not be with him.
The correct approach is still the same. No matter what he does or how he behaves, we must understand that he is no longer the person he used to be, and your family is no longer what it used to be.
It is difficult to make peace after a broken mirror. I hope everyone will accept this reality and then think about how to face this matter? Figure out what it is we want? How to become stronger so that you and your children will suffer the least harm? How to maximize profits and minimize losses?
In short, it’s good for you!
A man divorces for a third party, are they true love? Marriage expert: They are brainless
Under this kind of imbalance, people will instinctively look for ways to make their cognition no longer imbalanced - I am still a loyal and upright person.
In order to achieve the purpose of not lowering their personality, people begin to find reasons for their wrong behaviors.
In the case of cheating, the wife, as the victim, naturally becomes the scapegoat of the cheater. They pin the reason for cheating on their original spouse so that they can still maintain their positive personality in the past and make their behavior more reasonable:
There is a reason why I do wrong things, and it is all because she is not good enough/marriage Not good enough, so I deserve to be forgiven. The poor first wife embarked on the road of changing herself to cater to men.
Many women who are not firm in their hearts will really feel like a loser when they encounter such a scene, and they actually make their other half suffer so much without knowing it at all.
If this is really the case, why did Chen Sicheng cheat? Why did the article go off the rails? Is it because Tong Liya is not beautiful enough? Or is Ma Yili not good enough?
Therefore, the reason for a man's cheating must only be related to the man. Remember, he cheated, and he was the main perpetrator. He cheated because he wanted to cheat, and it had nothing to do with us.
He said he was unhappy in his marriage, so we must not be happy either. Why didn't we cheat? And he cheated?
Therefore, his cheating was a principled error and an act that crossed the bottom line. It should not be compared with the shortcomings in marriage.
No matter what is wrong with us, it is not a reason for him to cheat!
This type of men are the men that Sister Si despises the most. I don’t take responsibility for what I have done, and I still blame others for it, but I continue to feel at ease and feel that I have done a good job in this matter.
This category is common in those cases where they were lucky at first, thinking that their wives would not find out, but after being discovered later, they were unable to end it and could only break the pot and throw it away.
02 The "Emperor's Dream" of not getting divorced but having three marriages
Men need to fight more in society to support their families. The cruel competition makes them accustomed to calculating the gains and losses. From love to marriage, men will calculate every account clearly. How much energy does it cost to get married, and how much energy does it cost to get divorced?
When his cheating behavior is revealed, he may face the decision of divorce from his original wife. Divorce means that the property he has worked so hard to obtain and pay for must be divided equally into half of the other party. How can a man hand over such a huge loss so easily.
Moreover, in a man's world, love and family are not everything to him. He also has a career and friends, but women regard family as everything.
Writer Starr once said: "Love is the history of a woman's life, but just an episode in a man's life."
Cheating is just to satisfy some desires, it can be sexual needs, it can be emotional emptiness, but you make him need to There is no need to pay the price of divorce.
Of course, there is a situation where the value of the mistress is high enough. If you divorce the original wife, you will not lose anything, but you will also gain something. Then the result of weighing the pros and cons may be to separate from the original wife.
Judging from the tens of thousands of cases that we have come across, the majority of men still do not want to divorce.
Divorce is a waste of time and money, and it will most likely affect his career, social relationships, etc., so he definitely does not want to touch this troublesome point.
Moreover, it involves the raising of children and the support of the elderly. Originally, they only needed to help with everything, but after the divorce, they may have to do it themselves. This is certainly not a situation they want to see.
What should I do if my original wife finds out?
Begging for mercy, swearing an oath, or giving up some benefits, and a few sweet words can easily win over the original wife.
Most men dare to cheat because they are psychologically convinced of their original wife and feel that she will never leave them. So I beg for forgiveness to show that he still has value in the original pairing.
Therefore, a man who cheats not only wants to keep the peace at home, but also hopes that there will be as many people as possible outside. Threesome is the beautiful state they desire most. Hug left and right, dreaming of an emperor.
So, when he says to you, I will break up with her now! You probably can't believe it. No one can break away from an intimate relationship neatly and immediately.
Especially the relationship between men and women, the more they are not allowed to be together, the more they miss it. The more it takes root in his heart, this is the Romeo and Juliet effect in human nature. .
So even if he cries and begs for forgiveness when you show off your cards, there is a high probability that the old relationship will rekindle before long. However, this time I am more careful and better at acting.
Who can resist the huge temptation? Especially when the first cheating can be easily forgiven even if you are caught.
Even worse, when a man cheats, his wife feels guilty and feels that she has not done a good enough job. Men have simply become vested interests in cheating, so why not?
Anyway, if he keeps doing it, you won’t get divorced and you will reflect on yourself. Why should he stop doing it?
03 The secret trick of a cheating man after being discovered - escaping reality by using cold violence
Cheating is obviously the fault of the cheating person, but the other party has to pay for it.
A woman in modern society is a wife, a daughter, a mother, or a daughter-in-law. She not only has to give birth to children, but she also has to earn money to support the family.
And why should we pay for the mistakes of unqualified men who cheated and punish ourselves?
So awareness is very important. Why does he want to be cold and violent? What is his purpose?
There are not all men who want to divorce after cheating, especially those in the crazy stage. However, due to the pressure of children, face or money, a man will most likely not initiate divorce. Instead, he will initiate divorce because his wife cannot bear it through cold violence.
In this way, everyone in front of and behind him can say with peace of mind that you are the one who wants the divorce. He will have an explanation for his children, his parents, and even his own conscience! The point is that everyone knows who files for divorce and who gets the benefits.
Cold and violent force is the most effective trick used by almost all cheating men.
Of course, men are rational and value interests. Sisters who have experienced cheating and divorce battles all know this.
Therefore, most cheating men do not want to divorce. The cost of divorce is too high. Not to mention dividing half of the property, it is not good for the person, career, and children. What's more, if you don't get divorced, it won't prevent you from cheating.
So a threesome is what they want most.
Then the wife discovered that when kneeling down and apologizing still doesn’t work, cold violence is also the most effective way to restrain her.
If you don’t know what he is thinking, it will be difficult for you to have an attack and it will gradually subside. Then they will find an opportunity to sue for peace, saying that Duan San will return to the family and go underground. In their opinion, the goal of the "threesome" has been achieved.
Another way is that if your wife makes a big fuss again, you must divorce her. When he fails to seek peace, the best way is to use cold violence. Ignoring you will leave you helpless.
However, it also tells you that he disdains you and undermines your confidence. After such a period of time, the wife's determination to divorce will most likely be affected, thinking that he is reluctant to let go of herself and the children.
This situation is most common in marriages where the wife’s abilities and interests are greater than those of the man.
His cold violence is a protest or even a punishment for you, and he does not think that he is wrong for cheating.
Once you meet a high-value third party one day, or if he can afford the price of divorce, he will probably force you to divorce.
So, it’s not that I hate you, it’s just not cost-effective.
Because I wanted to write about this topic today, I asked my male friends yesterday what they thought about cold violence? It doesn’t mean that men understand men best, and their thinking will be different from that of us women. Take a look at what they said:
In a nutshell, no matter what the reason is for a man to cheat, cold violence is all because he doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t care about your feelings. There is only one purpose - It’s all for Get what you want and achieve the goals that are most beneficial to you.
The above three psychological states of men after cheating are the most common, but they are also the most fatal to wives. But in fact, no matter which one they are, they are not what we should pay attention to.
The correct approach is still the same. No matter what he does or how he behaves, we must understand that he is no longer the person he used to be, and your family is no longer what it used to be.
Yes, he cheated, and he did something unacceptable to us.
He is no longer qualified and is no longer a qualified husband.
Perhaps we cannot divorce due to financial, children, elderly, personal needs and other reasons, but there is one thing we must be clear about: we no longer need to love him, and he is not worthy of our love.
always puts himself in the position of a screener. We don't need to chase his approval, and we don't need to cry for an unqualified person to come back.
Remember the third article of the woman’s framework: When he is not qualified, we will not be with him.
The correct approach is still the same. No matter what he does or how he behaves, we must understand that he is no longer the person he used to be, and your family is no longer what it used to be.
It is difficult to make peace after a broken mirror. I hope everyone will accept this reality and then think about how to face this matter? Figure out what it is we want? How to become stronger so that you and your children will suffer the least harm? How to maximize profits and minimize losses?
In short, it’s good for you!
A man divorces for a third party, are they true love? Marriage expert: They are brainless
