When we deal with and maintain the relationship with our elders, many people have neglected the most important thing: empathizing with each other. People should understand each other and tolerate each other. Only in this way can we make each other happy. The relationship between each other is more stable and happier, especially when it comes to the relationship between the parents-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and the relationship between the mother-in-law and the son-in-law in the family. It is also more necessary to understand and tolerate each other. Only in this way Only then can we get along better.
The same is true for the matter of elderly care. It is even more necessary for each other to be frank and understand each other, instead of blindly trying to make the other party tolerate themselves, compromise themselves, and even take everything as a matter of course. Only by thinking from someone else's perspective and communicating with an attitude of mutual understanding can we better deal with various problems that may arise.
Husband, please give my parents a house for their retirement! The husband replied: My parents have no obligation to take care of your mother's family.
The matter between Mr. Chen and Ms. Guan:
Mr. Chen and Ms. Guan have been married for more than ten years. The two people have always maintained a loving relationship in life. , although there will be some quarrels, conflicts or differences, it will not affect the relationship between husband and wife too much.
Mr. Chen’s family conditions are relatively good. His parents are both businessmen and they have made a lot of money in business over the years. Ms. Guan’s family conditions are moderate. Both her parents are ordinary factory employees. Although It is said that family conditions have not affected the marriage of the two people, but they have also caused some troubles due to recent events.
Because his family is relatively well-off, Mr. Chen also started his own business after getting married, and it has developed well. Over the years, Mr. Chen has been responsible for all the expenses of the family alone, while Ms. Guan is working in a They work in a relatively stable company, and their lives are relatively stable and practical. Mr. Chen also cares and takes care of Ms. Guan in every possible way. After all, Ms. Guan has been by his side from the beginning when he had nothing. Mr. Chen also cares for Ms. Guan. All kinds of tolerance.
Not long ago, Ms. Guan’s parents retired. After retirement, they also had their own pensions. In fact, life was worry-free. However, Ms. Guan wanted to bring her parents to live with her, so she put forward her needs to Mr. Chen. Frankly speaking:
"Husband, my parents are now old and retired. How about bringing them to us, and their future pension will be guaranteed."
After hearing this, Mr. Chen said:
"Your brother is not with you. Your parents are with you, so why do you still want to come to us? Your brother is not responsible for taking care of you in old age."
Ms. Guan said:
"No, my brother will definitely take care of it. It's just that my parents are older now. My brother's wife is yours." I’ve seen him too, he’s young and has a bad temper. My mother always had conflicts when she was helping her take care of the baby at home. If I let them support my parents in old age, there will definitely be quarrels in the future.”
Mr. Chen was a little dissatisfied. , bluntly said:
"That's why you communicate with your brother and let your brother take care of it. You are already married, so you can't care about anything."
Ms. Guan didn't want to defend herself after hearing this. Said:
"Just say whether it can be done. It's useless to say so much."
Mr. Chen was silent for a while. After all, he had never thought about it. He said he would think about it before talking. After a while, After a while, Ms. Guan asked Mr. Chen again, and Mr. Chen said:
"But where will your parents live when they come? You can't live with us at home. Besides, it's really inconvenient. I really can't figure it out. Obviously When your brother is around, he should also take on the responsibility of taking care of your parents. Why do you have to let us take care of him in old age?"
Ms. Guan said:
"Why do you think my brother's family conditions are better than ours? My sister-in-law is with me. Mom can't get along, so why not let them move here and suffer? Our family is in good condition, and we can obviously afford to take them over, so why not?
Mr. Chen asked again:
"Have you considered where to live?" "
Ms. Guan said:
"Don't we have two apartments for rent? It would be nice to free one for my parents. Our family is not very short of rent money for such a apartment.
Mr. Chen was helpless when he heard this and said angrily:
"Those two houses belong to my parents. They bought them back then. Now I can't make the decision." "
Ms. Guan said:
" Just discuss it with your parents. Your parents are not short of rent money, so let's talk about it first. "
It was precisely because of this sentence that Mr. Chen was angry and responded directly:
"My parents have no obligation to take care of your mother's family!" I have no obligation to provide for your parents in their old age. If you were an only child, or your brother really couldn't provide for your parents in their old age, I would agree to provide for them, but it's different now. Your brother is capable of taking care of your parents. Yes, and your parents have given your brother quite a lot of help. Your brother needs to solve this problem. Why do you have to ask me to help? "
Ms. Guan was also angry, and the two had a big quarrel. Mr. Chen finally said:
"I don't know if your parents agree to move here. Let me find a house for them to live in. If it is your parents' wish, , I went to them and said, if that is what you mean, then I think you are too inconsiderate. This is not how things work, and this is not how it is arranged. If you ask my parents to free up their house for your parents to take care of themselves, I will not accept it. I'm sorry to talk to my parents about such things. After all, it's my parents' house. Besides, it's for your parents' retirement. Didn't the gift we gave you when we got married agree to use it for your parents' retirement? It doesn't work this way, and that doesn't work either. If you spoil your brother, it will only make your brother's future marriage more and more difficult. "
In the end, Mr. Chen refused, and the two of them had a big quarrel, but did not get a better solution. However, for Mr. Chen, although he was unwilling to accept such a method, it did not mean that He will definitely not provide for his parents-in-law in their old age, but he feels that such a method is not feasible.
is written at the end:
In fact, when facing these things in life, the reason why some couples have disputes and conflicts is, To a large extent, it is because they are unable to understand each other, support each other, and consider problems from each other's perspective, which leads to intensified conflicts. For Mr. Chen in the article, he has tried his best to control his emotions. I went to persuade Ms. Guan, but Ms. Guan always felt that her small home or her parents should get her help. She even thought that her husband's house or the house of her parents-in-law could be used by her parents to live in, so she couldn't. Resolve this conflict.
I have to say that this situation is difficult to resolve, because the woman always thinks that she is thinking about her parents, so she focuses on her parents and ignores her partner's feelings. At this time, if the partner chooses to compromise, the conflict will be resolved, but how many partners can accept such a conflict?
