Hello: I originally planned to marry my current boyfriend in September, but my parents were very unhappy after meeting his parents. Because my boyfriend’s parents said that the family conditions were average and they didn’t have that much money. They wanted to consider it for our

Hello:

originally planned to get married to her current boyfriend in September, but my parents were very upset after meeting his parents, because my boyfriend’s parents said that the family conditions were average and they didn’t have that much money. They considered it for our future life, so they I want to use the 280,000 yuan that my family originally prepared as a gift to pay for a down payment on a house (we are in a small place, the house price is only 6,000 to 7,000, and the 28,000 yuan down payment can buy a three-bedroom apartment with an area of ​​more than 100 square meters). The house can have my name on it. , they hope that my parents can understand their difficulties, which means that they will not give any other betrothal gifts, but only buy a house and host a banquet (the expenses of the banquet for both parties will be borne by their families).

As a result, my parents went crazy when they heard about it. They angrily said that their family was not sincere. They said that I was married for the first time and my boyfriend was married for the second time. There was no equality. They said that I was obviously at a disadvantage by marrying a man who was married for the second time. I haven't received the corresponding courtesy yet, and I even want to fool you with the bride price. What kind of person is this? ! My parents think that my boyfriend’s parents look down on me and don’t respect me, and they won’t have a good life after marrying me.

Let me add some background information. My boyfriend got married once a few years ago. At that time, he only got a certificate and no banquet, but they divorced in the third year. His ex-wife insisted on getting a divorce because she was with someone else during the marriage. He bought a small two-bedroom apartment with a mortgage. When they got divorced, he relented and gave the house to his ex-wife. But they have no children.

His ex-wife later married another man, but she heard that her life was not going well. She once asked him to remarry, but he decisively refused.

Later, when I got together, we had similar outlooks and temperaments, and we felt very close to each other. I had dated two boyfriends before, , and I lived with my second boyfriend for more than 5 years. We had a miscarriage, and finally because of He got into a bad gambling habit and broke up.

There is no problem in the relationship between my current boyfriend and I. Originally I didn’t mind that he was a second-married man, but after hearing some bad things about second-married men from my parents, I became a little worried and felt that I was married for the first time after all. , he is married, so he should really pay more attention to me. Betrothal gift is the custom here. If there is not even a cent, it will not be justified in terms of face. When my relatives and friends learn about it, they will laugh and ridicule me for marrying a second-married man. , I don’t even have a bride price, so I can’t get married?

Because of this problem, I discussed with my boyfriend how to solve it. My boyfriend said that he lost a lot of money in his previous marriage. This 280,000 yuan was also saved by his hard work in the past few years. I really don’t have any money left. Can I get married first? Or He tried to find a way to borrow tens of thousands to express the meaning of the betrothal gift and make my parents calm down.

As a result, my parents firmly disagreed, saying that they didn’t take me seriously at all, let alone them.

After the feedback was reported to my boyfriend’s family, their family was also very angry. My boyfriend and his parents also knew what happened before, so my boyfriend’s parents later said angrily, “Your parents dislike my son’s second marriage, and we don’t dislike you for marrying someone else.” You have lived with a man. To put it strictly speaking, if you have lived with someone else for so many years, isn’t it just like a second-married woman?

After my parents heard what his parents said, they even more disagreed with the marriage.

After I lost my temper with my boyfriend, his parents also apologized to my parents. He also stayed with my parents on behalf of his parents, saying that they shouldn't use the analogy like that, saying that they were all because of their anger. I wish I could do my job with my parents and get married smoothly. In order to apologize, he went and bought me a bag I liked, and also bought a massage chair for my parents. But my parents remained unmoved.

I have a headache now. I am 31 and I feel that if I break up with this boyfriend, I will really become an old girl. I don’t want to get married because I hate getting married. I really think he is pretty good and a good candidate for marriage. (Public allowed)

Author's reply:

What a first and second marriage, it makes me want to laugh.

Whether it is your parents who dislike your boyfriend for being married for the second time, or your boyfriend's parents who dislike you for living with someone else, this matter is just like what I have seen in the news before. The result is that your wife is divorced because she is not a virgin. I married a woman who had her hymen repaired, but she was so deceived that I thought I had found a treasure.

are just concepts. It seems that your parents really don't want you to get married.

Let’s put it this way, if your boyfriend and his ex-wife did not have a banquet when they got married, and they had no children when they divorced, although they are legally divorced, it is not much different from living together. The difference is that there is an extra divorce certificate. Acquaintances and friends around him know that he is married;

As for you, you have lived with your ex for more than five years and have had a child. You have also experienced all aspects of the life of a married couple. In fact, the experience is similar to that of a marriage. The only difference is that you didn't get the certificate from your ex.

So in essence, you can laugh every step you take with him.

If you really feel that you have fallen in love with him and you like him from the bottom of your heart, then quickly use the money to buy a house, write your name on it, and then take the house book and declare to your parents: I have taken over the house. , do you really want to support me for the rest of your life?

I think the man’s sincerity is enough. He spent 280,000 yuan of all his savings to buy you a wedding house, and he is willing to write your name on it. What else do you need your parents to do? Aren’t you supposed to work hard to make money in your life to improve your quality? What's the point of always staring at your parents?

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As for the behavior of my boyfriend’s parents, benevolent people have different opinions and I will not comment.

For the heroine’s parents, if they really love their daughter, they should know that the bride price is not the ultimate goal, but their daughter’s happiness is the most important thing.

Judging from your boyfriend’s behavior of quickly buying you a bag and a massage chair for your parents after learning that your parents were angry, and his behavior of giving the house to his ex-wife during the divorce, he can be considered a kind and generous man;

Otherwise, the ex-wife would not After giving birth to a child and having an affair with someone else during marriage, which man would be willing to give her his house? If I don't fight her to the death, I lose.

Whether you want to marry him or not is ultimately your own business, not your parents'. Your happiness should be decided by yourself.

Since you can’t bear to part with each other, don’t dislike each other. Otherwise, if you get hurt again and again, it may be harder for you to believe in love and marriage in the future.