I admit I panicked! I can't stand it

01

"I admit that I am panicked! I can't stand it! The epidemic has left me in debt for three years, and I am about to get through it, and I am still paying more than 3,000 points per month. This man has been unlucky for a few years. I am divorced, and now I still have a mortgage of more than 3,000 per month. In total, my basic monthly expenses are almost 6,500, and I haven’t added 7,788 living expenses. Oh! God, when will I be able to live without it? My debts are light! Friends, you can tell me in the comment area if you have any good side business, thank you!" Where is it? She just spoke out the hearts of quite a number of people, and this is the pain point of the group.

Her essay also aroused Jingshui's deep thinking.

Somehow, after watching it, these keywords popped into my mind: cross-border force, transformation, screening, soft power.

A desire to speak unpleasantly stimulates my desire to share, and I think I should have more say on the topic of money and anxiety.

As a former sufferer of severe anxiety disorder, I was really fed up with the torment and anxiety of money. It was like two people living in my heart, often fighting like a tug of war.

System Learn psychologyIn the past six years, the anxious little man has been gradually pushed down by his growing self, and the influence of anxiety on the inner self has been managed at a relatively reasonable level. Finally, , The relative balance between inner and outer makes my state appear calm and harmonious.

This epidemic has lasted for more than two years, and how many people's lives have been changed in two years. Listen to the crying behind the foreclosure room , look at the high divorce rate, and think again Because of the soaring consultation volume for psychological problems, you have to sigh that it is really difficult to live.

But in the past two years, the fate of many people has changed on the Internet. Not only have they not been affected by the epidemic at all, but they have achieved a counterattack in their lives with the help of asset-light entrepreneurship.

Of course, this is a minority, but for most people, it is still quite affected.

02

Someone asked me, do you regret it? From such a stable and glamorous unit, an epidemic is enough to prove that it is still a reliable unit within the system. Five insurances and one housing fund are normal, and wages have never been in arrears.

What about the fans who asked me this, in fact, I know there is no malicious intent, just out of curiosity about an idol.

Jingshui can tell you frankly that the reason why a person is often frustrated and confused is because the things they want and the way they want to go are not clear. In other words, you do not have clear values.

Even if you know what you want but never act, just staying at the level of thinking will make you feel more confused and more anxious and helpless.

was really not mentally prepared, and they even started to nostalgize and miss the stable days when they chose nude speech, thinking that being poor is more powerful than enduring displacement.

Since then, I have often regretted the past, but I can do nothing at this time, so I start to attack myself. This is one of the sources of depression , because anxiety is the fear of the future, and depression is from the regret of the past.

The moment I decided to come out, I was mentally prepared.

The bottom line psychology is a term I created by myself, that is, after making a decision, facing the unknown world, whether it is ups and downs, good or bad, there is a basket of mental preparations to carry.

Recalling the first half of my life, Jingshui started from a grassroots financial screw in a central enterprise after graduating. I have experienced changing positions, part-time entrepreneurship, naked resignation, full-time entrepreneurship and raising children. Only I know the sadness of it.

I have also complained that my husband is not motivated, that my husband's family is too harsh, that my mother's family is not competent, that I can't walk, that I can't lift my arms, and that I dance with cuffs and .

The cruel reality, and the continuous brave practice, when I got some results, I realized that the essence of complaining is incompetence, and I want to transfer my pressure and outsource it to others.

Unfortunately, there is no savior in this world. The life you want can satisfy you. For 99% of people, there is only yourself.

03

Kazuo Inamori said, when the pressure is so high that you are about to collapse, don't tell anyone, and don't feel wronged. Adults should have the cultivation, the heart can be broken, but the hand can't stop, what should you do, and move forward in the collapse .

His old man's words seem to be poisonous chicken soup, and even conflict with the feeling of non-confrontation advocated by our psychology, but there is nothing more heart-wrenching than this.

For anxiety itself, the plot in your head is the killer because you don't act.

There are still a considerable number of women who are still obsessed with the meaning of marriage, which is the original concept of marrying a man, marrying a man, dressing and eating. Therefore, if she is unwilling to act, she will urge men to change, but it is almost impossible to change a person. Get yourself exhausted.

The end result is a bad marriage, and every day is spent complaining and resentful. The root of this is that on the surface, it is relying on thoughts to make trouble, but the fundamental reason is that she herself does not regard herself as an independent person.

An independent person is first of all complete in terms of psychological boundaries. In fact, a woman who really has this kind of consciousness is the same as whoever gets married.

I am myself first, because everyone may leave you at any time, how dare you graft and kidnap the hope of life onto another person.

Of course, this is not to say that good expectations for marriage are not allowed, and don't take it out of context. On the contrary, each of us is pursuing our own happiness, and not letting a person have good expectations for life and marriage is an anti-human pseudoscience.

04

It seems that I am going too far here. Let's disassemble the post itself.

The epidemic has left me in debt for three years, and I am about to get through it, and I pay more than 3,000 points every month. This sentence seems to describe a helpless fact, but we must look at it objectively and admit the epidemic. It has a certain impact on everyone's life, but it is not the root cause of your debt for three years.

The monthly mortgage is more than 3,000 points. I don’t know which city you are in, and I don’t know the economic situation before taking on this mortgage. This should be the range that you should be able to bear after a reasonable assessment in the face of unknown factors.

It adds up to about the same. My basic monthly expenses are 6,500, and I have not added 7,788 living expenses. - This is something that every family has. Indeed, it is not a small amount. most people.

Hey! God, when will I be debt free! ——This sentence also expresses the voice of many people. I think it really varies from person to person on how to treat debt.

Some people are reluctant to take on debts, they feel too much pressure, and feel uncomfortable in debt. Many people are used to saving money, such as buying a house and a car, and only act when they save enough.

Some people can bear the appropriate debt pressure, and then the overall life will not be affected; some people hardly consider the risk, as long as they can achieve their immediate goals.

And Mr. Zhang's small family and I, for so many years, in his words, either in the process of repaying the debt or on the way to repaying the debt, sometimes he would complain about the sloughing skin that was pulled by me, which was a bad feeling.

When we only had 8,000 yuan in our hands, I bought the first small house in my life after the evaluation, caught up with the real estate bonus period, bought the house for 150,000 yuan, and finally sold it for 600,000 yuan. He felt that we were brave and right.

Later, I made several big life decisions, and he didn't oppose me as much as before.

After five years of naked resignation, I have tossed the house several times, including my studio and buying a house and moving across provinces. Every time I took a big step, it was at least a little bit beyond my ability. The goal.

05

But in the past two years after the age of forty, my mentality has changed a lot. At the same time, I have seen with my own eyes, the economic crisis, the parenting crisis, the marriage crisis, the middle-aged life under the three mountains, and gradually become more conservative .

Especially at the moment of the epidemic, more than ten years of accumulation and struggle have given me a deeper understanding of security and a new understanding of destiny.

I gradually realized that it is not character or hard work that determines a person's fate, but a person's mind. Are you surprised?

Looking down, the mind is the core concept that separates us from one another. If you want to change your destiny, you must start by raising your mind. The improvement of the mind is divided into the following seven stages, you first see which stage you are in.

The first stage is that you are unaware of your own words and deeds, and all actions rely entirely on instinct. At this stage, we call it the animal instinct stage, and you are completely unaware of yourself. As the saying goes, talk and do things, but the mind hopes that it is not you. In the second stage of

, you start to pay attention to the reasons behind your actions, you will think about why you say this, why you do it, and you know how to think about everything. We call this stage the self-reflection stage. At this stage, he no longer complains about external people and things, and begins to reflect on himself in an all-round way. Remember Lenin once said that when a person learns to reflect, he is on a great start. In the third stage of

, gradually accept yourself and reduce guilt. The mentality tends to be peaceful and stable, and there is no confrontation between the ego and the id. We call it the stage of controlling emotions. People in this stage will basically not be controlled by their emotions, but will become very rational. Some external interference, evaluation, ridicule, The sarcasm didn't affect him in any way, he just focused on being himself. As you can see here, it's not easy.

Let's look at the fourth stage. After a long period of self-awareness and self-reflection, the power of action will become stronger and stronger. With time management and mentality management, you will become more and more self-disciplined, and your brain will control your behavior. Concentration, and when acting, there will be actions to verify that his thinking and execution are super strong. We call this stage , which is the unity of knowledge and action, .

The fifth stage is to enter a state of extreme concentration, and enter a state of complete madness and obsession with the goals and results to be achieved. We call this stage focus and ecstasy. People who enter this stage will burst out with super leadership wisdom and charm .

06

In the sixth stage, vitality and creativity will gradually increase, and compassion will continue to emerge in the heart. This stage is called the emergence of altruism. People who enter this stage begin to truly understand that all evils must be avoided and all good Pursuing it, benefiting all the people, everyone is inspiring, and all the resources around him will continue to move closer to him. The last stage we call enlightenment awakening.

A person who has reached this stage will find his own mission and purpose in life, and then focus on it for a long time, and strive for it all his life. We find people at this stage, and they really know who I am, where I come from, and where I want to go.

The seven stages are finished, self-awareness, self-reflection, control of emotions, unity of knowledge and action, focus on self-forgetfulness, selfless position, and find one's own attention.

I don't know how you feel after reading today's article. In my opinion, if you can reach the third stage, if you don't ask for anything else, you can already live a good life.

Jingshui has gone from a white-collar worker to a full-time mother, from a full-time mother to a best-selling author and a consultant with stable liquidity.

I'm not proving to everyone how awesome I am, but my life has proven a point to be correct.

That is the courage to choose.

Therefore, when you reach middle age, don't panic, the rest of your life is long, as long as you start, everything will be in time, and learning ability is the core competitiveness throughout your life.

END

Author: Jing Shui, psychological counselor, best-selling author, 38-year-old nude speech, a pen to write all the warmth and warmth of the world, to accompany you to be alone and brave, has published the best-selling emotional inspirational book "Experience the pain of dependence, and then move towards independence." Beauty", "Women have the confidence to live a high-level life".