Hello everyone, I am a mother of two children, have many years of educational experience, a psychological counselor certificate and a family education counselor certificate.
Many parents have complained to me about this problem: No one cares about us when we were young, but we looked very good, so why is it so difficult to educate our children now?
Indeed, in the past, parents were forced to make a living and took little care of their children, and their education was simple and crude.
Three meals are placed in the kitchen. Parents don’t have time to care about whether the child eats or not. Anyway, the child will eat when he is hungry.
What do the child do in free time? Parents don’t have time to supervise, as long as the child can go home to sleep at night;
If the child makes a mistake, he will scold him at the least and beat him at the worst. If he is annoying, he will be ordered to get out.
children who grew up under family conditions have not heard too many bizarre rebellions, have not seen psychological diseases such as depression and . When they grow up, they support themselves and respect their parents. Many of them have become pillars of the country.
Nowadays, children cannot beat or scold, and they also use various psychology and educational skills. The children still have many problems, and they also suffer from depression, prodigality, and ungrateful wolves. What exactly went wrong with
? Someone has conducted a follow-up study and came to several important conclusions, the first of which is because the child is "too lacking" .
If you don’t lack it, you will be easy to do whatever you want, and will be "hollow" and will lose your internal driving force.
In the past, when material shortages were relatively short, there was a lack of food, information, resources, opportunities, and almost everything was lacking. It is difficult for parents to focus on their children, and each family also has multiple children. The living environment of children is all kinds of "lacks", and they also survive in a "free-stocking" state.
However, "lack" makes children cherish and work harder, and at the same time, they also eliminate all kinds of temptations. They are relatively simple, enthusiastic and motivated.
"Ranking" gives children more space for self-growth. They can grow up according to their own growth rhythm, without the helplessness and pain that distorts themselves in order to become "an expected appearance". They are relatively happier and more full of longing.
Of course, society is progressing, and no one can go back to the past, nor should they go back to the past. Today's children are generally far better than before, regardless of IQ, EQ and education level.
Some parents said: Children today are incomparable to those of the past, and children today have become "human spirits".
Therefore, it is difficult for children to teach, which has become a problem for many parents, so some young people choose " DINK " for this, and are unwilling to have children and take care of them. In fact, cultivating excellent children is also the main component of whether a person is successful.
Some people say: cultivating and educating children is a career that every adult should do well. When dealing with such a career, as long as you master certain methods, you can actually enjoy it and feel successful.
Don’t meet the needs of children too easily.
Many parents often respond to their children's requests because of their pampering mentality. Especially when children are young, they always think that their children are ignorant and can accommodate them, and the things they require are not high, so parents can give them easily, so parents often don’t care much, but unexpectedly, the easy satisfaction of children when they grow up causes the children to "unlimited requests", "not work hard" and "not independent".
Once parents cannot give it, their children will be full of resentment, not only will they not be filial to their parents, but they will also hurt their parents.
There was a video of a girl committing violence to her mother in the street angering netizens. The girl was in her teenage years old and actually ignored the pedestrians coming and going. She clutched her clothes and hair to her mother sitting in the stone chair. Her mother did not fight back, but just tried to avoid it and endured the pain of being torn. A witness said: The girl asked her mother for pocket money, but her mother didn't give it, so she beat her mother.
The girl's behavior undoubtedly reflects that the child has been used to being satisfied since childhood and takes his mother's payment for grants for grants. Once he cannot achieve it, he will fight completely regardless of the mother's actual situation and feelings.Judging from the mother's clothes, they are not financially prosperous families, but the child is a spoiled child.
From the beginning of children being sensible, parents should set rules for their children, so that their children understand the difficulties of parents, and let their children know that everything in the family is earned by parents' hard work. Children should not make any requests to their parents at will, and the parents should not make any decisions. Children should not make unreasonable reasons.
Authorities like parents can be said to be common in the past.
Especially those of grandparents, when they were young, not only did they dare not ask their parents for food, drink and play, but they also knew and abide by "the best in the family should be given to the longest, and the one who gave the most in the family."
However, because of the wealth of material life, parents cannot help but destroy their authority, treat their children as "little emperors", give them the best in the family to their children, and forget to educate their children to respect the elderly. Habits become natural, and children really live like the "emperor" in the family, and they can open their hands and eat, and they still ask for help.
Don’t meet your child’s requirements too easily. This is something that parents should control their children from an early age. This is not about not loving children, but about the truest and most responsible love for children.
Almost all parents who spoil their children have trained their children to be "parents". The youngest son of the TV series " is all good " is Su Mingcheng . The best example is.
In reality, some of the children who have been satisfied since childhood have not only relied on their parents when they grow up, but also have great flaws in their behavior and dealing with things, becoming "scums in society".
"The children of poor people are early to become their families", which has been proven by countless facts. In the endless era, "not giving children too easy to satisfy" is a good way to make children grow better, be more capable and more responsible.
Don’t give your children too much expectations.
The rapid development of society not only makes parents feel their own pressure increases, but also makes some parents have a "no worries" mentality about the development of the next generation.
has seen a set of survey data: has reached 65% of parents who are anxious about their children's growth.
In the hearts of some parents, if their children do not lead the way since they start studying, they will easily lose in the fierce social competition in the future and will not be able to live a good life.
Parents’ expectations have been filled with their children’s lives since their children become sensible. When a child’s growth space is filled with the expectations of his parents, the child will lose himself.
Every day, children get up and go to school under the urging of their parents, do their homework under the nagging and supervision of their parents, and study various cultural courses. When the grades are good, the parents' faces are better; when the grades are poor, the parents may have a gloomy face and various preaching and bombardment.
There may be no swearing insults or beatings, but the child is under great pressure and feels that he is studying for his parents and living for his parents. Therefore, the parents' words and behaviors are caused by excessive language and behavior, and the children can run away or even gamble on their lives.
Even if the child has a smooth academic performance and his academic performance is as expected by his parents, the child may not have his own interests, nor his own ideals and life plans, but just read for the sake of reading under the supervision of his parents.
has a survey data from a top-ranked key universities in the country, saying that 39% of the students in the school are confused and in a "hollow" state, with no direction in life, and no pursuit. Because from elementary school to high school, parents' expectations are to achieve excellent grades, and then they enter key junior high schools, key high schools, and key universities. Now it has come true, but they are far away from their parents and do not have the expectations and supervision of their parents, so they don’t know how to work hard.
When parents have too many expectations, they squeeze the child's growth space. It may be difficult for children to grow up with towering trees, and may be twisted into a sick tree.
Children who are not overly concerned and expectant often live their own wonderful life. Although children may endure hardships and take detours during their growth, what they experience will become a part of their bodies and a unique wealth.
Compared to control and spoiling, it is better to ignore anything.
Of course, if parents can understand scientific raising, their children will grow healthier, happier, and more likely to become pillars of society.
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