We must admit that women will pay a lot to have children: the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, the diseases that may be caused by postpartum, body distortion, physical and mental anxiety, and the hardships of caring for children; at the same time, there are many risks of having children, such as affecting work and career, stimulating potential conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, family and marriage crisis, husband cheating during pregnancy, etc.
Therefore, many women have a mentality: since having children is so difficult, if they have children, they will have deeper bonds with each other. After becoming a father, they can also increase their sense of responsibility for the family, and they will be able to calm down, and marriage problems will be solved.
But in fact, having children cannot consolidate marriage.
When a couple has a good relationship, the birth of a child is undoubtedly the sublimation of the relationship and the icing on the cake; but when the couple has a bad relationship, many problems, and even some people have gone apart, transferred their emotions, and cheated, having a child cannot eliminate the problem, but will amplify the conflict and make themselves in a dilemma.
If these three problems occur in marriage, having children is not necessarily a good thing.
The first type: long-term cold violence of a partner.
Some partners are avoidance people. They like to avoid problems and have an ostrich mentality. When conflicts occur, they shrink and cannot be resolved. The more you look for him, the more he escapes. Even if you become a father, it will change this personality.
Because their ability to carry emotions is very weak, and a little contradiction can trigger the "alarm mechanism". The strong anxiety makes him urge to avoid or even escape. At this time, he should have accompanied the prenatal checkup during pregnancy, but he would disappear; when the child cried, he wanted him to coax him, but he pretended not to hear it.
So, you will enter an active and escaped " pursuit mode". You will become more sensitive because of pregnancy and having a child, and he is escaping. You have not solved this problem between you. He will passively release the cold violence side, you will be more depressed, and while enduring huge "mental abuse" and taking care of the children, you will live a very painful life in your marriage.
The second type: irreconcilable quarrels.
There are many reasons for a partner to quarrel. It may be that the expectations of both parties are not satisfied and complain to each other; it may be that they think the other party is "not good enough" and try to change each other; it may be that the participation of other members of the family makes it impossible for the two people to communicate well. For example, sensitive topics such as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships will always cause quarrels between husband and wife.
When none of these problems are solved, if you have children, you may divert your attention from the arrival of your children and temporarily "fight" but when you encounter some parenting differences, there will continue to quarrel.
It is not a conflict caused by children at all, but the relationship and communication patterns between you are already problematic and have not been solved, and anything can be triggered.
The third type: partner cheating.
There are many women who cannot accept the evidence of the other party's cheating for a while and do not know how to solve it. However, they still have feelings for the other party and do not want to divorce, so they want to tie the other party's heart with their children.
Little do they know that his cheating may be due to the inability to be emotionally satisfied and the inability to communicate with you spiritually. The conflicts and resentment between you are already deep, and he cannot see the future. At this time, even a child will find it difficult to change his mind. Even if he can tie it for a while, he is just for the sake of the child rather than love you, and the problems between you still exist.
So, having a child cannot save a broken marriage.
I have a baby because two people love each other, not for two people to love each other. What can really fix each other's relationship is to see what problems arise in the relationship, find the internal factors, and find the corresponding method to deal with it.
It requires us to understand marriage, improve our ability to manage feelings, know how to coordinate conflicts, understand effective methods of managing marriage, have the wisdom to manage marriage, and practice it yourself, practice, learn and do things one by one, so that we can truly achieve happiness.
#Marriage #Family Marriage Emotion #Humanity
