Yangtze River Daily Wuhan Client October 30 (Reporter Mao Yin) "divorce meme" has become more and more popular recently, but divorce cannot be laughed at. Most divorced families are full of the troubles brought by divorce, especially in the issue of raising children. What impact will unresolved conflicts between parents have on their children? What are the obstacles on the path to common raising of divorced families? How to achieve co-cultivation in real life? Recently, in the "Dongfang Mingjian Psychological Counseling Series", consultant Liu Fen told divorced families that when the father goes to the left and the mother goes to the right, there are five key points to raise the child.
At the talk show that was broadcast not long ago, "divorce meme" became a common burden. It seemed that everyone wanted to dance on the wound, "but in real life, unresolved conflicts between parents will have a profound impact on the children." Liu Fen said that for parents, divorce may be because of disloyal or inappropriate, but for children, it may add many of their own annotations to the end of the relationship between parents: Mom is my favorite person, and Dad is also my favorite person. When they are separated, who do I want to love? Mom is very good, dad is also very good, but they can't be together. Could it be because I'm not good? If I am not good, will they not love me one day? Research shows that parents' marriage conflict is the most important factor affecting children's emotional safety. When children lose emotional safety, it will lead to personality, emotional, behavioral problems and psychological abnormalities.
Psychological experts concluded that after a parent-child conflict, the most significant change is that the interaction method of the parent-child system will change, and the instability of the family will affect the children by affecting the parenting methods. Common obstacles to co-parenting: persistent emotions - persistent in anger, persistent in the past, persistent in right or wrong, persistent in changing the other person, persistent in getting respect... These have become the "emotional burden" for raising children.
"Five elements should be paid attention to to achieve joint parenting." Liu Fen said that it is important that both parties calm down and reach the option of joint parenting: even when they are annoyed, keep your behavior at a rational level; communicate around the child; allow the child to have the right to love both father and mother, and do not let the child choose side among parents; do not be trapped by choice. Parents after divorce often argue over the two choices, so sometimes trying one choice and changing to the other, or simply accommodating the other is better than arguing about two reasonable options; acknowledging your child’s love for the other is not only a expression of respect for the other person, but also a demonstration of your respect for the child, but also a demonstration of open-minded and loving example for the child.
"Divorce is tantamount to a storm for every family!" In Liu Fen's view, most children in divorced families do not need special psychological treatment. When parents adjust their status, children can usually rebuild their emotional safety. "And the biggest desire of children is that even if parents cannot live together, they can let go of the entanglements in marriage and have the love of parents in full, 'No longer a couple, but always be parents'."
[Editor: Yu Lina]
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