should establish the authority of parents, and parents must enjoy certain rights because they bear the responsibility of educating their children for the country. While the law gives parents the responsibility to educate their children, it also gives parents the corresponding rights. ——Sukhomlinsky
I believe you must have heard some parents say this: "It is normal for a child to be young, unconscious, and disobedient, and he cannot understand. When he grows up and becomes sensible, his parents will reason with him, and he will listen to his parents."
These parents believe that the child is disobedient because he is still young and his consciousness has not yet developed to that level. When the child grows up, he will naturally realize that it is not too late to teach his parents when he wants to listen to his parents. Therefore, these parents adopted a completely laissez-faire education method for their preschool children.
Sukhomlinsky holds a different view on this. He believes that:
The child first develops the habit of obedience, and then this habit is reflected in his consciousness, and then he gradually understands the principle that he must be obedient. If the child's willful behavior is not stopped, he will develop the habit of doing things wrong; over time, doing things wrong becomes a matter of course.
He also talked about a case:
Peter Afanasievich's family has three children, one son and two daughters. Their family lives a wealthy life, and their parents never refuse their children's requests, especially their son Weijia.
Weijia developed the bad habit of being scattered before school age. While eating, he saw the soup served on the small plate that his mother used for the children, and he started to make a fuss and asked his mother to change him to a large plate. The mother had to transfer the soup from the small plate to the large plate and thought to herself: "I hope he can become more obedient when he grows up."
Whenever his son Weijia makes new unreasonable requests, the mother says this, and the father thinks so in his heart.
Moreover, they often buy some children's books for Weijia. Not only does Weijia not read it, he also tore off the books page by page and folded the plane.
Dad stopped him, but Weijia had his own magic weapon, which was to cry and make a fuss.
So, the mother would face his father in front of Weijia, "He is going to school, and then he will know how to cherish books. Why should he be forbidden from doing what he likes now? It will be fine when he grows up."
Weijia is in elementary school. His father felt that he should wake him up two hours before class, but his mother felt sorry for his son, afraid that he would not wake up. Therefore, Weijia was always in a hurry and panic when she was in school. She either left the books at home or forgot to bring her homework book, and she was often late for school.
Website and holidays, Wei Jia will lie in bed until eleven o'clock noon. He lay lazily in the quilt, listening to how Guan Dad blamed his mother for not indulging him.
But Dad's words didn't work because he knew that in the end, Dad would definitely compromise and give in to Mom.
Therefore, parents should cultivate their children's habit of obedience and close the combination of reasoning and the habit of obedience and obedience.
Because, before the child understands the truth, his life has already begun .
Sukhomlinsky said that children should first gain experience of obedience and obedience from real life. Moreover, it is not possible or necessary to explain the truth to the child at any time or any requirement. For example, parents do not need to explain to a three-year-old child why he should go to bed earlier than an adult.
Parents have the right to educate their children. At the same time, how to apply this right is also a that parents need to learn and think about.
1. Parents’ requirements should be reasonable
that means that parents’ requirements for their children are for them to become better citizens in the future so that their parents can use their rights. For example, when children steal things, intentionally bully classmates, fail to abide by school discipline, destroy public property, etc., parents must start using the right to education.
When the child grows up and understands the necessity of these requirements, he will develop good habits by himself and be grateful to his parents.
2. Parents’ opinions must be consistent
Only when parents’ opinions agree will the children implement it. If parents always argue, blame, and quarrel about their children's demands, especially in front of their children, then no matter how reasonable the demand is, parents lose their authority, and the children will think that this requirement can be ignored.
3. Parents’ rights are not prohibited
Excessive prohibition will only bind the child, making him timid, negative, and invigorated.
The rights of parents are not only manifested in what is prohibited from doing, but more importantly, they are reminding their children to do positive things prescribed by adults.
Only when children do something wrong, such as doing things that hurt themselves, hurt others, and destroy public property, need to be forbidden.
Moreover, avoids using the word "can't" and tells the child what he "should" and how he can do it.
4, Encourage good behavior
The rights of parents are also reflected in encouraging, guiding and cultivating children's good behavior, rather than regularly stopping and correcting .
In this case, even if parents have to ban something sometimes, it is easy for children to understand and adopt.
If a child develops some good habits on weekdays, it is of course much easier for him to do things correctly than make mistakes.
5. Rights have boundaries
Sukhomlinsky talked about an interesting thing that happened in the Ivan Ivanovich family.
The twelve-year-old son Grisha is a bit introverted and has some little "secrets" hidden in his heart that brothers and sisters don't know. Once, his parents discovered that Grisha and his companions often avoided others and went to an abandoned old shed in the wasteland.
"What are they doing there?" The parents were very confused, but did not come forward to prohibit it; they knew that if there was anything serious, the children would come to them themselves.
is indeed not wrong: One day, my father was about to go to the ground, and Grisha came over and asked:
"Please allow me to spend the night in the shed today..."
"Why?" the father asked in surprise.
The son explained that he and his friends were playing the "guerrilla" game. The old shed in the wilderness is the guerrilla headquarters. All commanders must stay in the headquarters tonight.
The father didn't like this game very much, but he saw that the little boy was so obsessed with it, and felt that the responsibility of his "duty officer" was so important, and it was foolish to destroy this feeling with a firmly prohibited method.
The father also considered other situations and was sure that a sleepless night would not affect the health of the child. The father decided: "Let him go! Let the facts prove that their game is a bit too much! That's it!"
As the father expected, the night game encountered much more trouble than the children thought. They were so sleepy that they wanted to fall head-on on the bed, so they quickly parted and went home. After this incident, the children no longer acted too much when playing, and Grisha trusted her father more.
This incident shows that parents should use their rights carefully, and should clearly know where the boundaries of our rights are as parents. We should pay special attention to our children, and at the same time we should not interfere too much in the children's hidden world.
Every child has his own little secret. The less parents interfere, the less "secrets" the children will have to you, and the more honest and trust they will treat their parents.
If parents interfere with their children's inner world without permission, they will cause the children to be introverted and indifferent.
We need to realize it. The older the child, the wider the world he lives in, and the smaller the scope of direct intervention for parents.
All we can do is allows him to have secrets and respect his right to protect his privacy. In this way, no matter how old the child grows, he will not be alienated from you.
In this way, the prestige of parents actually depends on many conditions. uses parents' rights wisely and properly is a necessary condition .
The rights of parents are rights, and it is also art .
