CCTV hit drama " Big Test ", has recently ushered in its finale.
This drama mainly tells the story of senior high school students in Jinhe County learning to grow and protect under various severe tests.
This group of children overcome obstacles, overcome all difficulties, and finally completed the answer sheet of the life test - the college entrance examination.
. Some major choices on the road of parenting are not a big test for parents?
The four groups of families in the play also have four multiple-choice questions hidden. These are common problems encountered in education. Every choice of parents will profoundly affect the children's lives.
First question
Busy to make money VS often accompany
There is a particularly heart-wrenching clip in the play.
Tian Wenwen's mother accidentally discovered that her husband was infected with pneumonia , but her daughter kept telling her condition.
She couldn't help complaining: "You have been used to being independent since childhood, and you have never been close to anyone, and you don't even trust this family at all."
1 One sentence hits my daughter's pain points.
Tian Wenwen finally couldn't help but burst out and vented her years of grievance and depression: "I came back to see me two or three times a year, and now my grandmother is gone, can I not be alone?"
Since childhood, Tian Wenwen's parents have been busy making money and throwing their daughter to the elderly to take care of. They can't see her several times a year.
As a left-behind child, "sensible" is synonymous with Tian Wenwen.
The family encountered a thief. Even though she was so scared that she would rather choose to seek help from the neighborhood committee than tell her parents.
Hearing that my parents might not be able to come back to spend the New Year with me, I was obviously disappointed and sad, but I still expressed my understanding.
found that she had a high fever, but she still reported her safety with her parents and endured everything alone.
She obviously has a home, but she has no support.
Behind all the sensibility is the lack of love.
There is a term in psychology called "ripening children", which refers to those children who are sensible and mature too early. They are like ripening fruits. Although they have a good appearance, they are full of astringent taste.
For them, it may be difficult for them to obtain true happiness throughout their lives.
For children's growth, parents' company is not only an expression of love, but also a main source of security and belonging.
After all, the lack of companionship cannot be compensated for by more money.
is like a father's reflection on the Internet: "I used a long 22 years to turn my heart into a stranger today."
At the age when he should be with his children, he chose his career.
Because he missed many important moments in his child's life, he could never talk to his child.
is like a girl on Zhihu. Because she has been separated from her parents for a long time, it is difficult for her to establish an intimate relationship with others, and she has no feelings for her parents, and her relationship is very unfamiliar.
So, parents should really pay attention to it and stop neglecting their company for their children's growth because they are busy with work and making money.
The company I missed now will become the deepest shortcomings in the future.
question
Make the decision for him VS Let him choose
Someone said that the biggest mistake of parents is to make decisions for their children's lives under the banner of "for your own good".
Wu Jiajun's mother Dong Bihua is a typical representative in "The Great Test".
In her perception, going to a prestigious school and finding a stable and down-to-earth job is the best way out.
But Wu Jiajun has different ideas. He likes animation and two-dimensionality, and his biggest dream is to apply for the animation academy.
In order to prevent his son from "going a wrong path", Dong Bihua first ruined the entries that his son had spent several months preparing and forced his son to run away from home.
again and again under the name of "for your good" to supervise your son's study, and even smash the lock of his son's door, staring at his son's every move.
Her operations one after another were like an invisible mountain, pressing Wu Jiajun heavily, making him breathless.
Once read a sentence: "Loving someone is to help him become the king of his own country, not to let him live as a puppet in the name of love."
Parents' "self-centered" love is actually imposing their will on their children. Isn't it a kind of mental violence ?
People who grew up in such an environment may "abandon themselves", obey their parents unconditionally, and eventually become "hollow people" who only know how to bow their heads and live in a daze.
I watched a video, Sun Yat-sen University girl Ah Xuan was not studying in the drama major she liked in college, and she was always uninterested in the professional courses arranged by her parents. She often failed the exams. At the age of being who should have worked hard, she couldn't continue to walk at the crossroads of life.
There are also people who try to "rebellious", but use the wrong method, not only do they oppose their parents, but in the end they also have their heads and bloodshot.
In the play, Wu Jiajun's father said something very well: "Even if we have calculated everything for the child, can you predict what it will become in 20 years? No matter what changes will happen in the future, will Jiajun have to face it yourself in the end?"
Everyone's life is ultimately responsible; no matter how much parents love, they cannot replace their children's growth.
Only by letting go and letting their children choose, decide and take responsibility for themselves can they keep moving forward, move forward bravely, and live their wonderful life.
question
Material enrichment VS Spiritual enrichment
Do you still remember the poor girl Wang Xinyi who moved the entire network because of the article "Thank you for Poverty"?
She was admitted to Peking University with a high score of 707. After entering university, she was still very hard in her studies and continued to accumulate practical experience.
She actively participates in teaching support activities and passes on the knowledge she has learned to more younger brothers and sisters who need to change their lives by relying on knowledge.
Because of her admiration for soldiers since childhood, she chose to join the army in 2020 and joined the Chinese Navy gloriously. From the highest institution of learning to becoming a heroic navy, she bravely moved forward on the road to pursuing her dreams.
Now, she bid farewell to the "Liaoning Ship" and returned to the Peking University campus, continue to be baptized by knowledge, and arm herself with more solid and advanced knowledge.
This girl who grew up in an environment of scarce supplies has never been inferior and has never been stuck in the pace of moving forward by poverty.
All this is due to the mother's teachings to her.
When he was young, Wang Xinyi was dressed in shabby clothes, mocked by her classmates, and once cried to her mother.
Mother did not complain or scold her, but told her daughter: "Don't pay attention to him, just do things steadily."
failed to give children good material conditions, so they would raise their children psychologically.
Therefore, Xinyi's mother never misses any activities of her children. She always picks up and drops her children up and down school, accompanying her all the way, chatting all the way, and guiding her children to tell the new knowledge she has learned.
When it comes to rain and snow, her mood will not become gloomy. Instead, she seizes the opportunity to go with her children, listen to the sound of leaves fighting in the forest, watch the snow flying all over the sky, have a snowball fight, and have a lot of fun.
Psychological richness can make up for material deficiencies; but material richness cannot make up for psychological deficiencies.
Just like Pan Xiaoxuan in "The Big Test", his material life is quite rich. He should have been a carefree sunny boy, but he suffered from depression .
Pan Xiaoxuan's parents divorced, his father started a new family, and he was busy making money all day long.
The father who went abroad just told his son that he didn’t have to worry about his studies and could easily go abroad to go to college in the future.
Mom has a new boyfriend and basically doesn’t care about her son. She calls her occasionally and asks her son to attend her wedding. But she had no idea that her son's college entrance examination had been delayed and she still needed to review.
Pan Xiaoxuan's heart was filled with worries, and no one told him about his pain. When he was particularly sad, he would scratch his arm and use self-harm to relieve his psychological pain.
During a psychological test and diagnosis, Pan Xiaoxuan was diagnosed with mild depression, and his father looked disbelief when he learned the news, and only felt that the child was idle.
Materially rich, spiritually poor, and psychologically neglect is the most wrong choice for parents when educating their children.
The body's thriving requires nutrition; if the mind wants to be sunny and healthy, it also requires nutrition.
If you only pay money, only ask about learning, but never give your children a little care and love, then you will only raise a problem child.
Dr. Lin Wencai once proposed the term "psychological nutrition" , mainly including:
. Unconditional acceptance;
. At this moment, in your life, I am the most important;
. A sense of security;
. Acknowledge, praise, and identify;
. Learn, cognition, and model.
Focus on these five aspects to give children enough psychological nutrition, so that they can provide fertile soil, abundant sunshine and rain for their growth, and help them grow into a mentally healthy and mentally rich person.
Fourth question
Forcing children VS Cultivate themselves
Weekly Bowen has been an "other people's children" in adults since childhood. They have excellent academic performance and never worry about their parents. They are a good student.
He is very self-disciplined. When there are 200 days left before the college entrance examination, he gets up at 5 o'clock every morning, finishes a set of questions and goes to school.
When taking online classes, many students' ecology was relaxed and their spirits were distracted, and their academic performance declined sharply. Zhou Bowen was not arrogant or impatient, and studied and lived in an orderly manner. His grades were not affected, but were far ahead. During the
4-mock exam, he even scored a high score of 703, which made his parents exclaim.
There is no trace of parents' forced force in such an excellent child, everything is caused by his self-discipline.
This is inseparable from the subtle influence of Zhou’s mother on Zhou Bowen.
Although Zhou's mother has a low level of education and does not have much ability to bring her son academic guidance, she never forces her son to do things she doesn't like and gives her son full autonomy. For oneself, one should do his best to do what a mother should do, never slacking off and not breaking the rules.
At 4 a.m. every day, Zhou Mu Lei drove a tricycle to the vegetable market to buy the ingredients needed for the day.
During that time, the business of the small restaurant was bleak. She did not sit still and wait for death, but tried to do other small business transactions.
For example, she uses an exclusive recipe to stir-fry melon seeds and let her husband go out to hawk.
also uses good meat and seasoning to make delicious handmade sausages, encouraging husbands to sell grilled sausages.
She told her son with practical actions that it is inevitable to encounter difficulties in life. Don’t be discouraged in the face of difficulties. Be good at thinking and talking about methods. There is always a solution.
She did not teach her son with great sincerity, but under her silent influence, her son grew up to be a diligent, sunny and upward appearance.
As the educator Makarenko said:
"Don't think that education is only when you talk to your child, teach him a lesson, and command him. You are educating your child at every moment of life, even when you are not present."
However, many people ignore the influence of example.
Some people like to lie on the sofa and play with their mobile phones the most, but ask their children not to be addicted to the Internet; some people cannot finish a book a year, but ask their children to fall in love with reading; some people are passive and lazy, but desperately ask their children to be proactive.
If you don’t work hard or be excellent, you will never force an excellent child.
If you work hard in the face of life and do not give up easily, then your child will naturally follow closely and strive for the best in his studies, and will not be easily declining.
persistently cultivates yourself, which is much more useful than just forcing your children.
Source: Panoramic Vision
Someone once said: "Family education determines the life of a child."
When it is time to accompany you, if you only care about making money, you will raise a child who lacks love;
When it is time to let go, if you still control it, you will raise a rebellious child;
When the child needs love and care, if you only give him money and material things, you will raise a problem child.
Every child’s life has only once, and every choice of parents has profoundly influenced the fate of their children.
Educating children is the biggest test for us.
