I have been a full-time mother for 5 years. If I ask me to give new mothers one of the most important suggestions, I think this should be it. Start reading parenting books as soon as possible.
No matter how busy, tired, or there is no time, you should read some classic parenting books. They are largely the only trustworthy helpers and comforters on your parenting journey. Your pig teammates are not, your mother-in-law and mother are not, and doctors and parenting experts are not.
I don’t know what the opportunity was. Last year, I only read books on parenting and read about 50 books. It was these that made me go from being a weak mother who was trembling and helpless in encountering problems to the current "storm and waves". Even if those storms have not been seen in the book, I have formed a way of thinking, and I can deal with all kinds of problems and obstacles on the road of parenting.
From these books, I have refined and refined them again and summarized 5 of the most realistic and valuable parenting tips and shared them!
1 Punishment education is the most ineffective education, abandon it!
people who will punish children at any time have two very obvious characteristics. One is the slave of emotions. Like a child, they like to shout, push, beat, and scold other children when they are angry; the other is the person who is lazy and unwilling to think about better solutions.
As parents, it is easy for us to accept "there are problems with the child", but it is difficult for us to accept "there are problems with the parents". It was obvious that the child did something wrong, what could I have? Is there any problem with my child being taught?
education is no problem, but there are problems with the education method.
Being a parent is a new identity and a new profession. Too many of us go on empty-handed. We don’t grow up and don’t think about this new identity to master more skills. We carve diamonds with hoes. Yes, children will not fire us, but are we worthy of our children?
book list recommendation: "A good mother is better than a good teacher", "Children, give me your hand", "Two-way raising"
2 Tell your child your needs
This is how the ungrateful wolf is raised. You have never told your child your needs, you have never only known to meet her needs.
Many parents who worked hard to raise their children will complain that their children are too cold and selfish, and they do not know how to understand the parents who care about them at all. They are sick, without a cup of hot water, and they don’t even have a soft word, and they complain about why their mother hasn’t cooked.
tells your child what you need, which is very important.
Tell the child that I have seen your needs, and my mother wants you to see it. Give your children a chance. Many children will see their mother’s needs by themselves. When they see that their mother is tired, they will pinch their mother with their little hands. Don’t refuse, accept and thank you, so that they can have empathy, let them learn to express their concern, love and kindness, let them learn to give happiness, let them know that mothers will be tired, hungry, pain, and uncomfortable, and be a real parent. Even if the child doesn't see it himself, tell her.
book list recommendation: "Parent-Child Communication Password"
3 first say ok, then say
In the parenting books I have read, if you want your children to cooperate, this is the best way to "say ok first, then say no", conform to the children's psychology, the children will be more willing to cooperate.
For example, if a child makes a request, you first agree to meet the needs of the child, and then discuss together to form agreed rules, which limits the child's behavior.
For example, first follow the child's emotions, and then discuss it, it will be easier to communicate.
This educational method of retreating to advance is conducive to good parent-child relationships and can also achieve the purpose of education.
book list recommendation: "Accommodating the psychology, children cooperate more"
4 Let the child experience emotions first, and then manage emotions
"Let the child experience emotions first?"
"It means that the child collapses, the child is sad, the child is afraid, and the child is jealous... Don't rush to care? Let the bullet fly for a while?"
"Yes, yes."
"Then I can't do it, I wish I could block the bullet in the gun and stop it immediately."
Many parents cannot accept their children's negative emotions. Once their children have negative emotions, they want to threaten, induce and divert attention and other aspects to make these emotions disappear immediately.
You should know that blocked emotions will not disappear. They will only accumulate in the small backpack behind them, waiting for a day like a mountain torrent.
Emotions can disappear completely only if they are completely accepted. A toddler who is learning to manage these emotions, the first step is not to teach him to manage these emotions, but to let them experience this emotion first; then the second step tells him what happened just now, what is your emotion called, let him know the name of this emotion, and let him understand that this thing is not scary, adults know it, I Now I know; finally tell him, next time, when you have this emotion, what are the ways to express it without hurting others and yourself.
Of course, children cannot say so much at once. Their attention is limited and their learning ability is limited. They can disassemble step by step. This time, they practice to the first step. Practice a few more times, and you will be able to practice to the second step next time...
Book list recommended "Understanding the emotions of children"
5 Understand the children's Sensitive period , look at the child's misbehavior with a developmental perspective
When I first became a mother, I was really nervous and I wish I could lock my eyes on her 24 hours a day. Therefore, I could feel the little situation on the child immediately. , and then panic.
He farted, how could he fart so much? Is he bad stomach? Why is his poop today? How is it fat? He is 2 years old and not very good at speaking. Is he autism? He pushes other children, will he become a bad child in the future? He is angry and likes to roll on the ground. What should I do?
I have experienced these with trembling experiences, but now I want to tell you as a person who has experienced it. Please let the majority of problems in growth be solved. Don’t interfere too much. Sometimes inaction is better than doing.
Many problems in growth will automatically disappear in the past as the child’s physical and psychological development develops. In, and suddenly one day, you will be surprised, hey, the child will no longer do that.
But if we amplify these problems, it will also amplify its bad influence, and become a bad problem for the child. Of course, the exception is that you really need to see a doctor.
Borrowing a word from Teacher Sun Ruixue's book, children have sensitive periods at various stages. In our eyes, the huge problems, those improper behaviors may be just a sensitive period for the child. The only thing that allows the child to pass and grow smoothly is love and freedom. Recommended book list: "Capture the Sensitive Period of Children", "The Whole Brain Education Method"
or above,
encourages them together!
