▲"This Thought"Guest Jin Yunrong
Introduction
Why is it a good thing for people to have emotions?
Emotions are a very important energy for people, which means that your feelings are very strong and rich, so it is absolutely OK to have emotions at home.
In this issue, "This Thought" invites senior child psychology and behavior therapist Jin Yunrong to chat with us, why anxiety is a collective emotion? As a parent, how can allow children to express their emotions in an appropriate way? What are the ways to soothe emotions in ?
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Jinyunrong
Senior child psychology and behavior therapist
"Fan Deng Reading ·New Parents"Communication Tutor
Bestseller Writer
Peking University Guanghua School of Management EMBA Course Lecturer
Have a solid educational background in the School of Psychology
and more than ten years of clinical psychological counseling work experience
Publish the bestseller "Talking words into the hearts of children"
"Love on the left, discipline on the right"
"Do you want happiness, right or wrong" and so on
2
"Life and Growth" Season 2
See life, see growth, see a broader world
01
html ml7 When anxiety becomes a collective emotion
Awareness is the beginning of change
Host: What do you think is the biggest psychological problem facing modern Chinese people?
Jin Yunrong: I think it is anxiety. It has become a collective emotion, which is to face a lot of uncertainty. For example: When will the epidemic end? I am not sure about my future, my marriage, and my children's future.
These factors will make you very anxious, not only adults but also children.
host: All of us seem to be in an uncertain state. Teachers, parents, and children are anxious and will fall into a vicious cycle.
Jin Yunrong: The teacher of school also has his own family, children, and parent-child relationships, so anxiety will circulate. I dare not say that it must be a vicious cycle, but it is indeed a collective problem.
host: do you think there is an antidote?
Jin Yunrong: I must say frankly that this is not an easy thing, because after all, it is related to the overall environment of life, and of course it is not to the point of being pessimistic.
double reduction is the beginning of an antidote, it means that we notice this matter, and if there is a greater force to pay attention to it, we will develop in the better direction.
02
allows children to express their emotions in an appropriate way
Host: In primary school, how do you think parents should communicate with their children? Care about them?
Jin Yunrong: I have repeatedly emphasized that the way of speaking is not important. You don’t have to spend a lot of time like writing a script, or rack your brain to express it with elegant words. In fact, it doesn’t have to. really put the words into the child’s heart and let him feel your emotions.
so I kept telling parents that their children don’t care about speech.There is a very special thing about primary school children, that is, their left brain is not restricted and socialized, so they use their right brain to perceive the world a lot. When communicating with parents, he can capture the emotions behind the words very quickly and very realistically.
When you say with disappointment, "Child, you are the best." He will feel it keenly.
If it is for children in primary school, I will recommend parents, first, let the children know "I allow you to have emotions".
Many times, we do not allow children to have emotions. When he cries or encounters setbacks, he will find ways to stop him from crying, or find various ways to improve his frustration and make " reverse quotient " a little higher.
There are many parents who will say, "I don't allow you to cry like this." In fact, every child with personality traits will have different ways to express emotions. If expression is not allowed, the suppressed emotions will not disappear, they will only be stuck in their hearts, and even become more and more intense. In the future, this child may need to use greater movement to arouse the attention of his parents, and in the end, there may be physical and mental disorders.
host: Some parents are more confused, such as children venting emotions at home, and may have improper behavior. On the one hand, I should accept the emotions of the child, and on the other hand, I am a little worried. If I do not regulate his behavior, I may become a naughty child in the eyes of others in the future. What do you think of this problem?
Jin Yunrong: This problem is very good. As a child psychotherapist, we should help parents define educated and emotionally allowed behaviors, and they will not conflict with each other at all.
As a parent, I want to allow you to express your emotions appropriately, but you must be well-educated. So, I'll set you a framework.
You can't yell at your elders rudely, or kick a puppy with your feet when you are angry just because you want to vent your emotions. This is an unauthorized behavior.
But I can allow you to cry or hit the pillow to vent, so although you are emotional, the way of venting cannot be scruples, and parents should restrict their children.
When a child is young, he does not have language skills or has very correct emotional expression skills, when he first starts to have emotions, I immediately accept it.
For example, give him a hug and tell his mother to understand and soothe his bad emotions. When he thinks his emotions are allowed to be accepted, he doesn't have to make a particularly big noise next time.
Now, some parents wait until their children's emotions have exploded and they can't stand it before they can discipline them.
03
"Low Achievement" Children's Heart Demon
—I'm not worthy of
—I'm not worthy of
Jin Yunrong: So, we like to tell parents the most in the treatment room that whenever the child experiences the so-called behavior you don’t like, such as eating hands, tearing his nails, etc., You should not be angry with these behaviors first, don’t focus on correcting the behaviors, but bypass them and see the reasons for asking for help behind the child.
This is the problem we need to really pay attention to and solve, instead of focusing on "Teacher Jin, what should I do if my child is tempted?" "Teacher Jin, what should I do if my child doesn't want to go to school."
Many times, we will easily be angered by these behaviors, and then our relationship with our children becomes extremely tense, but the reason for asking for help has not been resolved, so he may get worse and worse.
When a child is anxious and stressed, he does not think that he is punished for taking his hands, but is punished for having anxiety, so he thinks that he has no right to have anxiety and does not have the right to get angry about the unpleasantness I have suffered. This is a very wrong perception.
This will cause him to become a child with low achievements in the future, not only in academic aspects, but may include interpersonal relationships, and even in future gender relationships.
If you really look at it carefully, you will find that the most fundamental reason for this situation is that he believes that he has no rights and is not worthy of happiness.
host: If you are not allowed to even have anger, sadness or anxiety when you were a child, it may cause you to be unable to make requests to others when you grow up, or you can only digest what other people say unpleasant words.
Jin Yunrong: The problem is that you can't stand it many times, what should you do? It will start attacking your body organs, such as stomachache , back pain, indigestion, or insomnia, and use body pain to digest and release emotions.
04
Emotion is human energy
We must learn to be friends with it
Jin Yunrong: We must correctly understand emotions, it is a very important energy for people.
If I don’t have energy and my personal emotions are in a stable state for a long time, then after a while, I may not even have the strength to go to work.
so incorrect understanding of emotions will lead to our hearts being too afraid of it. If I am an emotional person, it means I am not excellent enough, but this is not right.
Host: In fact, it is precisely because he has emotions and expresses it that it shows that he is a very energetic person.
Jin Yunrong: pair, having emotions is a good thing, it means that your feelings are very strong and rich, so it is absolutely OK to have emotions at home.
home should be the safest place, but the principle is that when you are in emotions, don’t hurt a third person. We can use some methods to vent our emotions reasonably.
2022
"Life and Growth" series of educational documentaries Season 2
See life, see growth, see a broader world
"Life·Awakening" original cast
took two years to produce, and once again sincerely produced
This thought produces
"Life Growth" series documentary
Season 2 Guest List
htt ml5 Yin Ye ｜CEO of Huada Group, popular science V
Pan Zongguang ｜ Hong Kong Polytechnic University former president
Peng Kaiping ｜Psychologist, School of Social Sciences, Tsinghua University dean
Yan Bojun ｜Popular science author, "get" "Western Art Class" lecturer
Tian Hongjie ｜Child psychology education expert
Dong Mei ｜｜Central Academy of Fine Arts School of Humanities Associate Professor
Ye Xunqian ｜Drama educator, director ｜Drama educator, director
Huang Shiming ｜Shengsheng hypnosis college founder
Hao Jingfang | Hugo Award "Folding Beijing" author Tongxing Academy founder
Chen Haixian | Psychologist and psychologist
Yog Dirks ｜Yexing Zen Master German Mindfulness Meditation Center Tutor
Li Songwei ｜Political science V
html l5 Jeffrey Saad ｜“Father of Modern Medical Hypnosis” Milton Ericson’s direct disciple
John Beman ｜The world’s top Satiya family therapy master
Otto Shamo | Founder of U-shaped theory
Xu Bei | Director of "Post-90s"
Ye Bin | Psychologist
Chen Mo | Children and adolescent psychological education experts
Jin Yunrong | Senior child psychology and behavior therapist
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| This idea
edit | Zhao Tianwei
typesetting | Wang Ajing
