In a 2018 study, Hoover and colleagues reviewed numerous reports and found that children with autism were three to four times more likely to be bullied, including by their siblings:
40% to 90% of autistic children have experienced bullying, compared with 10% to 40% of typical children.
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01
Who is Shao Yibu?
Shao Yibu is a child actor who has appeared in many film and television works such as "Dream Chasing Boy", " Building Dream Love", " Galaxy Tutorial ", and Yang Mi, Deng Chao, Ying I have cooperated with .
Maybe it was because he was too good, maybe because he was too weak, in short, Shao Yibu became a "target" in the school.
Due to long-term discrimination, insults, rumors, and slander from classmates. On November 7, 2021, Shao Yibu felt unable to resist and committed suicide by jumping off a building. He was rescued in time and was out of danger.
Is this the end of ? not at all!
Intensified and unscrupulous sarcasm still happened frequently around Shao Yibu.
A sarcastic comment from a classmate:
"She is too good and deserves to die!"
"She was not disfigured, didn't she hit the ground face first?"
Words are often sharper than knives in hurting people.
On June 17 this year, Shao Yibu’s mother You Yongmei couldn’t bear it anymore. She posted many times on her daughter’s social account, claiming that Shao Yibu was jealous of his classmates, was maliciously slandered, and suffered mentally. School bullying.
Shao Yibu’s mother also posted several photos of Shao Yibu’s current situation. She had her eyes closed tightly and was lying weakly on the hospital bed. You can imagine how worried Shao Yibu’s mother was for her daughter, and seeing her daughter like this Such a look, how uncomfortable inside.
This incident quickly caused an uproar on the Internet, and everyone forwarded it to speak out for Shao Yibu. At this time, an official from the Education Bureau of a certain district in Shanghai also responded to the matter:
The incident is still under investigation. , I hope I can give Shao Yibu a fair explanation.
02
Campus bullying is a common topic!
There are nearly 300 million school students in our country, and nearly 75% have suffered from campus bullying.
Since the school is in a closed state, children spend much more time with their classmates than their parents. In this closed-loop space, once bullied, the bullied students are often isolated and helpless! Moreover, when parents learned about this, they only realized it later. Campus bullying is difficult to control, and this is also an objective problem faced by many schools.
In the case of campus bullying, disadvantaged groups have become more vulnerable to bullying. Rebekah Heinrichs and her 2003 book "The Perfect Bullying Target: Asperger's Syndrome and Bullying - A Practical Handbook for the Social World" also pointed out that 94% of Asperger patients were affected by Different levels of bullying.
Dr. Paul A. Law, director of the Interactive Autism Network at the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore Autism said that for high-functioning children who lack social skills, For people with autism, the middle school years are particularly dangerous. Because children at that age are least tolerant of other people's social mistakes.
Dr. Law also said that his research team found that children with autism spectrum disorders were more than twice as likely to be bullied than their typically developing siblings.
In Los Angeles, the United States, an anonymous mother said, “My son has high-functioning autism. He was often bullied by a group of classmates in middle school. They teased him on the playground, attacked him, or attacked him while he was walking. Throwing things at him on the way home. His classmates are well aware of his disorder and know that small things can destroy him. "For example, if you take away his books or homework, he will take it seriously. A complete disaster. Then he would get mad in school and yell at him to get his homework. In short, the reason why he was bullied was because he had no ability to deal with changes. "
" , because the school intervened and punished the bad students, and the parents of two of them called her to express their apology, the matter ended successfully.
03
I remember that the famous psychology professor Li Minjin once said: "This kind of children are easy to be bullied, and parents need to pay more attention to them."
Children with poor social skills and relatively stubborn and unsociable children.
Zhu Chaoyang in the movie "The Hidden Corner" is a typical example of this type. Even though he had excellent academic performance, he was bullied because he was not gregarious. The teacher told Zhu Chaoyang's mother, Zhou Chunhong, about this matter tactfully. Although Chaoyang had good academic performance, he was not social at school. Zhou Chunhong believes that it is enough for children to have good grades and not to be gregarious. Little does he know that children who are left alone are more likely to be bullied.
Regarding this issue, Cai Jie’s father once shared his experience on Facebook as an experienced person. How did Cai Jie’s father deal with Cai Jie’s campus life and conflicts with classmates? Let’s look down!
Cai Zhaowei (Cai Jie’s father)
Because his son with severe autism suffers from severe emotional disorders, it causes conflicts and disputes among the family, and the family is on the verge of being broken up. After struggling, Cai Jie's father decided to quit his job, shoulder the responsibility of education, concentrate on researching autism, and share his personal journey with the public through a blog. In just three years, his blog has successively won three awards: "Excellence in the Parent Category of Educational Blog Contest", "First Prize in Parent-Child Education in Taiwan Blog Contest", and "First Prize in Parent-Child Family in Global Chinese Blog Contest".
In addition, Cai Jie's father was also invited to record the autism charity documentary "Children of a Distant Planet" directed by Taiwan's Golden Bell Award-winning directors Shen Keshang and Lu Yuanqi over a period of two years. The affirmation of father's education methods has attracted more people's attention and love for the autism community.
I hope Xiaojie’s father’s views can give parents some inspiration and help!
When a child with autism is bullied or encounters bullying at school, what should a parent do?
Cai Jie’s father answered:
As for the issue of bullying or bullying, I have actually mentioned it a lot in previous articles. On campus, teachers also attach great importance to this aspect, but no matter how much they pay attention, it is impossible to cover everything, unless parents come to school to accompany them, or you directly install pinholes on their children.
Group life will inevitably encounter discrimination and bullying. What parents can do is to teach their children to protect themselves. But it doesn’t mean that teaching hard will be effective. Many children have no effect no matter how hard they teach, even if you teach it thousands or tens of thousands of times... it will still be useless.
I think the effective method is that children must have practical experience. The accumulation of [failure experience] is very important, because talking about it is useless.
When my Cai Jie first entered junior high school, he was carrying lunch boxes with his classmates and accidentally bumped into his senior in the third year of junior high school in the corridor.Cai Jie still couldn't figure out the situation. The senior who was in the third grade of junior high school was very unhappy and followed Cai Jie. He seemed to have beaten Cai Jie. The classmate who was carrying the lunch box with him quickly went back to report to the teacher. The teacher later took care of it and made a phone call. Tell me about this.
Even though Cai Jie has reached junior high school, his speaking skills are still not good enough and his expression is not very good. He will not take the initiative to tell me these bad things. If the teacher did not tell me, I would not know about it.
I guessed that the senior in the third grade of junior high school was not a good person, because he not only beat Cai Jie once, but later on the campus, when the senior in the third grade of junior high school met Cai Jie again, he would punch him in the stomach. I know only three times.
The time when Cai Jie was willing to tell me frankly about this incident was in his second year of junior high school. It was already too late. It was too late. I didn’t have time to avenge him. The senior had graduated long ago.
As a father, although I am sad, I am still a little relieved.
At least... I know that his expression ability has gradually improved.
At least... he will be willing to tell me frankly.
On campus, he must study by himself and slowly accumulate his own experience. I often remind him... to be careful when walking in school, pay attention to your eyes, and don't mess with bad people, otherwise you will be beaten.
In addition to the senior incident, Cai Jie was also locked in the bathroom and yelled at by his classmates and several classmates from the next class.
I remember that day very clearly, because it was rare for my wife and I to pick up Cai Jie from school together. He was very happy to see his parents when he walked out of the school gate. After school that day, we went to exercise together and there was nothing unusual. This was only when the teacher called me to tell me that I knew about it. Of course, the teacher also dealt with it as soon as possible.
Our children are easily bullied, which is also related to their own autistic traits. They accidentally offend others without feeling it themselves.
We as parents will definitely tell our children... Don’t mess with these people in school. There will be good students and bad students on campus. You must know how to judge good people and bad people. Those who only bully others. Classmates and seniors, if you can hide, you should hide. If you can't hide, you should know how to ask for help. In normal times, go to some better classmates or teachers after class. I don't know, I have said these words tens of thousands of times. It's...
It's very sad, because Cai Jie's level is not high, he can't tell the difference between good people and bad people. He must have really been bullied and learned a lesson from it before he can know that those people can be approached. , and those people are not something he can mess with.
Cai Jie couldn’t tell the difference between good guys and bad guys at school. If his good classmates didn’t play with him, he would play with the bad ones. I discovered this accidentally in life, because when he was usually angry at home, he would occasionally curse out of his mouth. Swearing,
Our family doesn’t use swearing, how could Cai Jie? I must have learned this from those classmates in school.
The good ones are hard to learn, the bad ones are especially easy to learn! Of course, if you hear me swearing, you will definitely be punished by me!
The teachers often tried hard to persuade him which classmates should not be approached, but unfortunately, the accumulation of experience takes time and is not so fast. It was not until the third year of junior high that he gradually understood, because he had accumulated enough failed experiences. Only then did he know how to stay away from those worse classmates.
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I often remind Cai Jie of one thing....We must learn to ask for help when we are unable to handle it ourselves. If you still want to survive during an emergency, you must learn to "ask for help"!
One time after school, I was waiting for Cai Jie to come over on his bicycle at the stadium. I waited for a long time that day, and it was almost dark before he rode up panting. I asked him: "Why did you ride so late today?" arrive"? He said: "The lunch box was snatched away by XXX."
His words are often confused in time and space, and people who don’t understand his grammar will definitely be misunderstood by his words. Fortunately, I have been working hard, and I have seriously taught myself ~ [Language from an alien planet - translated into - Earth language], If even I, a father, cannot understand the language of my own child, then I would be remiss in my duty. .
After slowly questioning and deliberation one by one, and carefully piecing together Cai Jie’s scattered grammar, things should be like this...
When he walked out of the classroom after school, his classmates ran over, snatched his lunch box and ran away. Cai Jie Jie was unable to snatch the lunch bag back,
. However, he was in a hurry to get out of school, and he wanted to ride his bicycle over to meet his father. In desperation, he stopped chasing the classmate and ran directly to the Academic Affairs Office to find the class teacher, and then The director announced on the radio that the classmate who had snatched his lunch bag was called to the Academic Affairs Office to give him a scolding. Finally, Cai Jie finally got his lunch bag back, panting, and hurriedly rode to the tennis court to meet me.
That classmate is Cai Jie’s good friend, so he must be joking. Fortunately, Cai Jie finally broke through and knew how to ask for help.
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Another time after school, Cai Jie went to the shed to fetch his bicycle, but he couldn't ride it. The chain of the bicycle fell off, and he also I couldn’t put it back on my own, and later I went to the Academic Affairs Office to ask the director for help,
I was very happy that Cai Jie knew how to ask for help, and I was also very happy that the head teacher took such good care of Cai Jie.
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Tonight, I was making tea downstairs. Cai Jie hurried down and shouted: "Dad! Hurry up!" Come up and save mom!” This is new language! "Save Mom"! He never talks like this, "What's wrong"? "Mom broke the faucet while taking a shower, and the toilet flooded. Come up and save mom, hurry up!"
How could it be! I rushed to deal with it, and when I saw it, it was indeed flooded. I quickly got the tools to deal with it. Cai Jie followed me.
I didn’t expect that he would also say to me: "Dad, how did you do it? I want to see , so that I can do it later.”
I’m really glad that he not only asked for help for his mother, but was also willing to learn to deal with subsequent problems.
Most kindergarten children already have the ability to ask for help. This is an innate ability, because children already like to complain, but Cai Jie has never had such an ability.
I have been working hard for more than ten years before he finally understood.
I completely trust the teacher when it comes to school matters, because the teacher will handle it and I will not get involved. If a child is wronged, it means that our child has not learned yet. He needs more time to adapt and learn. Interpersonal interaction is originally an obstacle for him. He will definitely suffer a lot of setbacks. However, we are not discouraged. I will exercise with him every day. , sweat a lot, and get rid of a lot of useless air.
Develop a good habit of exercising every day, and your personality will be brighter, and you will not be tied down by these little things. Watching him smile every day, this is my child.
We can help, but we can’t help too much, because the same is true when children are out of society. They must learn to face it bravely.
