[Source: Chengdu Women's Federation_Work News]
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In 2022, the Chengdu Women's Federation fully implemented the "Family Mental Health Care Year" action, and opened a family mental health network service column on the "Chengcheng Women" website and the "Chengcheng Sisters" WeChat public account, setting up four sub-columns: psychological stories, psychological classes, psychological lectures, and psychological exchanges. By publishing psychological knowledge, case analysis, expert Q&A and other content, it provides mental health assistance and services to families.
Common phenomena
Recently, many parents of middle school students reported that after their children go to middle school, they seem to suddenly become a different person, especially when they act very emotionally and like to lose their temper at any time. Many times, there are talking and laughing in the first second, and the next second, there may be a sudden change of mind. It is often said that parents do not understand them, and they even quarrel with their parents, and sometimes they don’t even talk to their parents for a few days.
Problem Analysis
This is caused by the psychological characteristics of adolescent children and the inappropriate communication methods of parents at this stage. The psychological characteristics of adolescent children are:
1. Independent awareness is enhanced.
Due to the maturity of physiological development, adolescent children will also have the idea of "I have grown up" psychologically. Therefore, it is reflected in behavior. Many things are expected to make decisions by themselves, and they also require adult-like trust and respect.
2. Pay more attention to the interaction between classmates.
When children reach adolescence, they will have many experiences in their own ways. But when they have their own "minds" and cannot feel that they are understood and respected by their parents, they are eager to talk to their classmates and friends. They believe that students can be trusted and even be heart-to-heart.
3. It is easy to be impulsive when speaking and doing things.
Adolescent children often show the same courage as adults, thinking that they can do anything well. At this stage, if children achieve success or achieve good results, they will enjoy a sense of superiority and achievement beyond the general level, which is beneficial to their mental health development.
At the same time, if you encounter setbacks or failures, once the child cannot handle it correctly, he may go to extremes and feel frustration of giving up on himself. These two psychological states often appear alternately, manifested as a moment of high mood and a moment of low depression. At this time, a word from parents is likely to become the "fuse" for children's emotions.
Suggestions for parents
For parents, how can they do it to support their children to successfully pass puberty?
1. Allow children to be emotional and accept their emotions.
No matter what the child behaves towards his parents, parents must always keep "speaking carefully" and do not get angry first. Instead of being emotional, parents are also angry, leading to conflicts or cold wars with their children. At the same time, I still care about him in terms of details of life.
For example: When the meal is ready, please call the child to eat, or call the child to eat calmly; when the weather is cold and warm, you should care about the child, and you should still care about him; the principle that you should adhere to is not to give in, but your tone is calm and you will not get angry. Accepting children's feelings and emotions does not mean that parents can only give in and have no principles. Let children feel accepted and loved.
2. Respect the child's privacy rights and do not read the child's drawers, diaries and other items without permission. Let children feel respected.
3. Change "instructions" and "requests" to "negotiations".
For example: The child said that he would go out to play with his classmates on weekends. Parents should not deny or refuse immediately, and just say "no". First listen to the child’s thoughts and plans, then talk about his own thoughts, discuss with the child, and reach an agreement.
Another example: You want your child to go to bed on time at night. Then don’t make a request directly, but calmly describe the specific time and facts of the child’s recent time and time, and then ask the child’s plan and his thoughts in a negotiated tone. If your child refuses your proposal, you should not immediately label your child as "rebellious". Education needs to find opportunities. Wait for another opportunity, and then when the child is in a good mood or in a high mood, give your suggestions as the situation. At that time, the child will be more willing to adopt and take the initiative to think.
Material source: Chengdu Women's Federation Home and Children's Department
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