Get Favored
The trick: Find someone to do you a favor – also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.
Legend Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win a man who didn't like him. He asked the man to lend him a rare book, and when he received it he thanked him cordially. As a result, this man who had never wanted to talk to him before became good friends with Franklin . To quote Franklin: "People who have been kind to you will be more likely to be kind to you again than people you have helped."
Scientists decided to test this theory and found that people who were asked by researchers to provide personal favors were more likely to be kind to you. The researchers rated it much higher than the other groups. This may seem counterintuitive, but believe it or not, this theory makes perfect sense! If someone does you a favor, they are likely to rationalize that you must be worthy of the favor and decide that because of this they must like you.
Think big
Tip: Ask for more than you want at first, then scale back.
This technique is sometimes called the "face-to-face approach". First you make a really ridiculous request to someone—one that they're likely to refuse. Then you immediately retract the request and ask for something less ridiculous—what you actually wanted in the first place. This tip may also sound counterintuitive, but the idea behind it is that the other person will feel bad for rejecting your first request, even if it's unreasonable, so when you make a reasonable request, they'll feel that this time Obliged to help.
Scientists tested this principle and found that it works very well whenever the same person asks for both a larger and smaller favor, because that person feels obligated to help you the second time, rather than anyone else.
Name
Tip: Use a person's name or their title, depending on the situation.
Dale Carnegie, author of "How to Win Friends and Influence People," believes that using someone's name is important. He said that a person's name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language. A name is a core part of our identity, so hearing it validates our existence, which makes us more inclined to feel positively about the person who validates us.
But according to the principle, using the form of title or address can also have a strong effect. The idea is that if you act like a certain type of person, you will become that person, which is kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. To influence others with this, you can refer to them as the person you want them to be, so they start to think of themselves that way. This can be as simple as calling an acquaintance a "friend" or "partner" when you see them, or calling someone you want to work for a "boss." But be warned: this can get very corny.
Flattery
Tip: Flattery will actually get you everywhere.
This may seem obvious at first glance, but there are some important caveats. For starters, it's important to note that flattery can do more harm than good if it's not seen as sincere. But researchers have looked at the motivations behind people's responses to flattery and discovered something very important.
In short, they found that people tend to seek cognitive balance, trying to organize their thoughts and feelings in similar ways all the time. So if you flatter someone with high self-esteem and it's seen as genuine, they'll like you more because you're validating how they feel about themselves. However, if you flatter someone with low self-esteem, it can backfire and cause them to like you less because it interferes with their view of themselves. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should belittle someone with low self-esteem!
mirrors the
trick: mirroring their behavior.
mirroring, also known as imitation, is something some people do naturally. People with this skill are considered chameleons; they try to blend in with their environment by imitating the actions, mannerisms, and even speech patterns of others. However, this skill can also be used consciously and is a great way to make yourself more likable.
researchers studied imitation and found that those who were imitated were more likely to show favorable feelings toward those who imitated them. More interestingly, their second finding was that people who let others copy their behavior were actually kinder and more accepting of others—even those who weren't involved in the situation. This is most likely because mirroring someone's behavior makes them feel validated. While this validation may be most positively associated with the person validating them, they will feel greater self-esteem and therefore be more confident, happier, and more favorable to others.
Using Tired
Tip: Ask for help when someone is tired.
When someone is tired, they are more susceptible to everything someone might say, whether it's a statement or a request. The reason for this is that when people feel tired, not just their body, but their mental energy levels also drop. When you make a request to someone who is tired, you may not get a clear response, but may say "I'll do it tomorrow" because they don't want to deal with the decision right now. The next day, they're likely to stick with it because people tend to keep their word; psychologically, it's natural to want to stick with something you say you'll do.
An offer they can’t refuse
Tip: Start with a request they can’t refuse and work your way up.
This is the opposite of facial expression. Instead of starting with a big request, start with something very small. Once someone commits to helping you or agreeing to something, they are now more likely to agree to a larger request. Scientists have tested this phenomenon in marketing contexts.
They started by asking people to express their support for the rainforest and the environment - a fairly simple request. And then they found that once they got them to say they agreed to support the environment, they were more easily persuaded to buy products that supported rainforests and other things like that. However, don't start with one request and then immediately attack them with another. Psychologists have found that it works better if you wait a day or two before making a second request.
keep quiet
The trick: don't correct people when they are wrong.
Carnegie also pointed out in his famous book that telling others they are wrong is usually unnecessary and is the opposite of pleasing them. There is actually a way to express disagreement and turn it into polite conversation without telling someone they are wrong, which goes to the core of who they are. This is called the Ransberger Pivot and was invented by Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea behind it is simple: Instead of arguing, listen to what they have to say and then try to understand how they feel and why. You then explain the common ground you share with them and use that as a starting point to explain your position. This makes them more likely to listen to what you have to say and allows you to correct them without embarrassing them.
Repeating Stuff
Tip: Paraphrase people and repeat what they just said.
One of the most positive ways to influence others is to show them that you really understand how they feel and that you have genuine empathy for them. One of the most effective ways to do this is to paraphrase what they said and repeat it back to them, also known as reflective listening. Research shows that when therapists use reflective listening, people are likely to reveal more emotions and develop a better therapeutic relationship with their therapist.
It's easy to transfer to a conversation with your friends. If you listen to what they say and phrase it into a question to confirm you understand it, they will feel more comfortable talking to you. They will also develop a better friendship with you and be more likely to listen to what you have to say because you show that you care about them.
Nod
Tip: Nod often when speaking, especially when asking for help.
Scientists have found that when people nod while listening, they are more likely to agree with it. They also found that when someone nodded frequently in their presence, they naturally did the same. This is understandable because humans are known for imitating behaviors, especially those that they believe have positive connotations. So if you want to be more persuasive, nod regularly throughout the conversation.The people you're talking to will find it hard not to nod, and they'll start to feel comfortable with what you're saying without even knowing it.
