Wen Xinran National Secondary Psychological Counselor
Creation is not easy, infringement must be investigated.
Introduction
In the controversy, 24 episodes of " female psychologist " have been broadcast. From
postponed for 2 years, to being abandoned by the TV station, to the difference between Douban's 5.1 points and Zhihu 7.9 points, "Female Psychologist" has a topic all the way.
It is undeniable that no matter how noisy it is outside, the reputation of this drama is getting better and better.
In the first 24 episodes, 6 wonderful cases have been dedicated: including suicide crisis intervention, panic disorder seizures, marital phobia, bulimia, pleasing personality, postpartum depression; _strong 26strong every This topic has aroused a lot of attention and heated discussions.
And the part that resonates most is the topic about the native family.
Whether you like it or reject it, the original family is like an invisible shadow that grows with us and affects our lives.
The following three stories are very representative, maybe you can see yourself in them.
01
I am not your husband
30-year-old Jiang Jing is a patient with binge eating disorder.
She always can't help eating and drinking, and then she will desperately pull her throat and spit out what she has eaten.
Long-term vomiting behavior caused her gastrointestinal bleeding.
She went to see the doctor,But medicine can treat the body, but it can't cure the behavior, until she started asking for psychological counseling.
Female consultant He Dun ( Yang Zi ) found that: Jiang Jing’s binge eating behavior usually occurs when the pressure is too great to bear, and most of the stressors of the stressors are related to his mother.
Jiang Jing grew up in a single-parent family. When she was very young, her father betrayed her marriage.
Mom puts all her hopes on her daughter. She hopes that her daughter will be promising and not be abandoned like herself.
From then on, Jiang Jing’s world only has pianos. She has no days off and can’t go out to play. She is like a "string puppet" living under the arrangement of her mother: wear her favorite skirt, tie her favorite ponytail, and practice her Favorite piano.
She has no goals, no hobbies, she doesn't know what she likes, she doesn't know what kind of life she wants. There is only one thing in her life: to be the way her mother likes .
As long as she makes a little mistake, her mother will use humiliating words to throw her at her mercilessly.
These all put Jiang Jing under tremendous pressure. Only by eating can she temporarily forget it, but she was afraid that her mother would not like it if she became fat, so she forced herself to vomit out every time she finished eating.
This is the cause of binge eating disorder.
Some years ago, my first visitor was also a gluttony girl.
When I asked her how it felt to put something in her mouth desperately, she told me: is empty in her heart.
The heart is the place that carries love,Food is just a substitute. What the glutton really wants is the thirst for love.
So, when a disappointed mother, once again control Jiang Jing: shut her in the room, take her mobile phone, and prevent her from consulting, the angry daughter finally said what she held in her heart.
I am 30 years old this year, and I never want to live the way you let me live. Why do you leave me the mistakes my father made? I'm just your daughter, not your husband.
These remarks reveal the crux of the family.
Psychology believes that a healthy family relationship is "ordered": husband and wife relationship first, parent-child relationship second, husband and wife love each other and take care of their children together.
If the position of the husband is absent in the family, what the wife has to do is to rebuild the close relationship with , rather than let the children fill up the position of the husband.
Jiang Jing’s mother is full of hatred for her husband’s betrayal. She did not consider remarrying, but pinned her future on her daughter: At this time, the daughter was forced to assume the role of husband, to understand, take care and support her mother .
This kind of love can make the child overwhelmed; worse, she cannot have her own life.
Fortunately, when Jiang Jing decided to return to her position and be her true self, her mother also began to awaken.
At the end of the consultation, Jiang Jing chose a card: On the screen, relatives hugged each other.
The misfortune in the world comes from caring about each other: and love is a light that can relieve pain and heal yourself.
02
I am not as good as a blade of grass
Tang Lili’s mother,There are not many shots, but every time comes out, it is related to money. : Either he is playing mahjong or he is asking his daughter for money.
Mother Tang is all about making a lot of money, but she has never made any money.
From childhood to adulthood, Tang Lili lived with fear: When she was a child, her family was blocked by debt collectors; during adolescence, her mother was addicted to the poker table, and it was her father who bought sanitary napkins for her; for stocks, her mother even ruled her father. The sick money was taken away.
Father's death due to illness did not make her mother fully awakened; instead, is a sensible daughter who has provoked the burden of life.
In the year of the college entrance examination, she had a high fever, and she was still sending out flyers to pay off her mother’s debts. After going to work, almost all the money was sent to the family. Over the years, she did not know how much debt she had paid for her mother. She encountered difficulties, but she could only carry it through silently.
At the lowest point in her life, she once again paid off her mother's loan shark, but seeing her mother's indifferent appearance, Tang Lili completely broke down.
She cried and said: People say that a child with a mother is a treasure, and I think I can't live as good as a root grass; in this family, there is no difference between you and you, and it is better to have a mother than without a mother.
Psychology master Adler said: The unfortunate person needs a lifetime to heal childhood.
Tang Lili's childhood experience not only affects her relationship with her mother, but also affects her love, marriage and emotions.
Her first encounter with Horton was when she was thrown on the street by her rich boyfriend, and Horton rescued him; and the two turned against each other, it was the same scene. Dating a rich boyfriend.
Horton reminded Tang Lili: You only need rich men, not love.
Tang Lili responded hysterically: I just like the uncle,Because I lack the love of my father; I just like the rich, because I am afraid of being poor; Why do you criticize me from a high moral point?
In fact, Tang Lili knows herself very well: One will find supplements from the outside for what a person lacks internally. This is called the "compensation effect" in psychology.
Children who grow up in families lacking love are too easily moved. If others treat themselves a little bit better, they will agree with themselves.
Children who grow up from families lacking money will take material needs very seriously, and they can easily fall into the trap of the rich.
Tang Lili has both points, and Fang Zhongyi has both points.
This man, while giving you a high-paying villa, while making breakfast for you himself, he can also plan the future with you; a man with such a perfect match and demand can make a smart woman like Tang Lili deceived , It's not surprising at all.
It wasn't until Fang Zhongyi's wife came to her door that she woke up like a dream: the truth made her painful, but inwardly, she still couldn't bear this "good and rich man" .
Let Tang Lili face the reality, it is He Dun’s soul three consecutive questions :
- Is he the only one who treats you well?
- Is his money yours?
- Don't you have the money he spent?
These three questions wake up Tang Lili. They also apply to every "lack of love" and "poor scared" woman.
03
I died when I was 7 years old
Ye Jiahui, the second male in "Female Psychologist",It is a mysterious existence.
This doctor of psychiatry studying abroad is proficient in Chinese and Western medicine, understands psychology, understands the Internet, can make music boxes, can cook, has a good skill, can monitor, and will always wear black clothes.
Black is a symbol of death in psychology: Ye Jiahui told He Dun that he had died when he was 7 years old.
When he was 7 years old, on a rainy night, his mother got into a man’s car; he chased out crying and wanted to stop his mother, but was pushed away. He watched his mother leave. Since then No news.
Since then, Ye Jiahui has only lived for one goal: revenge .
He deliberately approached He Dun and showed love to her. He deliberately had an emotional entanglement with Li Yun. What these two people have in common is that they are both proud students of Professor Ji Mingcong.
In Ye Jiahui's secret room, pictures are plastered all over the wall, and Ji Mingcong is in the center.
He returned to China to bring down Professor Ji, and got the F file in his hands because the file was related to his mother. The owner of the
F file is Fu Tang. She was a visitor of Professor Ji and a patient with bipolar disorder.
The adoptive father told him: Ji Mingcong was the one who took away his mother and his biological father. This person not only harmed his mother, but also abandoned him.
In the shadow of revenge, Ye Jiahui leads a "half-man, half-ghost" life: Renqian is a good man who treats illnesses and saves others, but does things that hurt innocent people in private.
In the final analysis, he is nothing but a poor man who longs for the love of his parents.
When I heard Ji Mingcong say that he had never loved anyone, He Dun was like his own child; Ye Jiahui was so emotional that he even knocked over the coffee cup.
He worked so hard,After doing so many things, what I want is the presence of .
His heart is torn apart by two forces: On the one hand, he hates his father who hurt his mother and has not fulfilled his responsibilities for a day; on the other hand, he longs to be recognized by his father.
He is envious of the money Kaiyi who lost his parents since he was a child: he and his neighbours love each other and live happily.
- Ye Jiahui asked Qian Kaiyi: Wouldn't you feel lonely at all?
- Qian Kaiyi replied: Yes, but the future is very long, and people cannot live in the past forever
The same fate may lead to a different life. The key lies in how we view the traumatic past .
Qian Kaiyi sees possessions elsewhere, such as the love of old and young on Wenchang Street, he is happy; and Ye Jiahui only sees his loss, and always lives in the hatred of being abandoned, he is painful.
Evil will inspire evil, and good will inspire good: what kind of person you become depends on who you are with.
Subtly, Ye Jiahui began to change: he was infected by Qian Kaiyi's open-minded optimism, he rescued Tang Lili twice, and he felt the warmth of getting along with Professor Ji more and more deeply.
People cannot give others what they don't have. When you feel love, hatred will be resolved.
End
In psychological counseling, native family is almost a must-talk topic.
Those recurring psychological problems,Most of the unfinished events from childhood, we call "complex".
What needs to be emphasized is that tracing back to the past is to allow us to find the source of the problem and resolve the impact of the past; it is not to define right and wrong, complain about injustice, and let ourselves live in the shadow of the past.
So, whenever I see someone stuck in it, I will ask questions like: How long are you going to memorize those injuries?
In this world, there is no perfect family. Every family will have its own problems. Sooner or later, we will have to get out of the protective shell. Maybe we will encounter violent storms, maybe we will be afraid, But it can also grow up tenaciously like small vegetable seedlings.
The key is: You have to believe in yourself.
.[I am glad to share psychological knowledge with you. If some topics cause your thoughts and resonance, please pay attention to rewards. Thank you for your approval and support]
