01
help children cognitive emotion
manage emotions, is able to recognize their own Various emotions. We can point out the various emotions of the child at any time: excitement, disappointment, pride, loneliness, expectation, etc., and constantly enrich the child's emotional vocabulary.
Now many parents can intentionally empathize with their children. In fact, one of the functions of empathy is to help children realize their specific feelings at the time. What needs to be reminded is that sometimes when a child is very angry, he will be disgusted with this kind of emotion recognition and will not listen at all. We can let him calm down first, wait for the child to calm down, and then come back and talk to him about his feelings.
The more emotions a child can recognize, the more he can express clearly and accurately express his emotions. This is the beginning of processing emotions. Only when he can express can he communicate and think of a way. Sometimes, just express it and the emotion will be resolved.
2
together with the children taste the good things
we should deliberately and more attention to the good life thing,This adds a positive element to yourself. What should I do?
There are many ways to taste good. For example, point out various details worthy of taste to the child at any time. The bits and pieces in life are easy to be ignored and ignored. We point to the children to extend these moments and enlarge these details.
Every day after school, we often look at the color of the sunset. Sometimes it was pink, she said it was strawberry; sometimes it was golden, she said it was orange. It had just snowed in the past two days. When my daughter and I came back, the road was full of ice and slippery. It was very hard to walk all the way. She was very optimistic, saying that the bushes were full of marshmallows. Together we feel the crushed ice under our feet. We imagine a kingdom of ice and snow, imagine ourselves living in it. When she found bubbles under the thin ice, she stepped on it, and the bubbles moved. I hugged her again and touched the ice on the tree...I hope she ignores the bad roads and keeps these little things in her heart.
Another way to taste good is to store memories and extend goodness. That is to say, take pictures, videos, write diary records, and archive good things, often watch them with your children, and look back on these beautiful moments.
In addition, to improve the quality of taste, it is necessary to cultivate children's habit of paying attention and doing things without distraction. Nowadays, the pace of life is fast, and children can learn to do things by combining several things with adults. This seems to improve efficiency, but in fact it has developed a habit of distraction. We can all feel more from eating, talking and walking intently.
Another important way to taste good is to share.We all know that children cannot be forced to share. Encourage the child to take the initiative to share, so that he can feel the fun. The reason why a child is sometimes reluctant to share is because he still lacks a sense of security in ownership, has limited logical thinking ability, and feels uncontrollable and unpredictable about the environment. These adults must understand.
In fact, very young children can also take the initiative to share. My daughter and the children in kindergarten often share food with each other. At home, when she eats fruit, she can share it with adults first, and she also takes the initiative to show it to everyone if there is any good thing, although sometimes she is reserved-just show you it in a second and then take it back, or You can't touch it.
Sharing good things and doubling the goodness. I think this exists in human nature. Mencius Education King of Qi Xuan : "Lonely, happy with others, which one?" King Qi Xuan admitted that it is better to enjoy music with others, and the more people, the better.
3
at any time certainly positive character and character
we usually see a small so-called children's shortcomings and mistakes, as well as Various deficiencies in abilities, find out more of the performance of these excellent characters in children,Once you find it, you can affirm it in time. After this time, the child will develop more in these directions.
Parents now pay too much attention to ability. We can think of it this way. It’s hard to say which abilities have a chance to be used when a child grows up, but a good character and character are useful everywhere. Ability may be buried and wasted, but character and character will never be.
4
emphasis on identifying and growing sense of
we adults will find themselves delighted at the growth of some , For children, growth is all of them, so it is even more important. Whenever the child makes progress, we point it out in time, let him see it, and tell him, do you remember what you were like last year or last month? You can do that now!
Progress, improvement, and growth are what best reflects the value of a child. Seize the opportunity at any time, find specific progress, and tell your children that you today are better than yesterday!
5
Provide opportunities to invest in things
The cultivation of hobbies cannot be overemphasized. Psychologists have found that a person with mature hobbies is more interested in new things and has a stronger learning ability. Because their learning is driven by intrinsic motivation, they have more tenacious willpower and passion.
I think that the role of hobbies, in addition to puzzles, cultivating sentiment, leisure, etc., it can also be like a spiritual friend, let people share with it when they are happy, sad Talk to it at times. In addition, it may also provide people with a new identity, allowing you to have a richer life experience. For example, if you are a teacher, but when you step out of the classroom, you may tell others that you are a master baker.
But the most important thing is not that. Interests and hobbies can provide us with an opportunity for us to devote ourselves to doing things, and the feeling of such devotion is very precious. Some psychologists call this "sense of comfort", and it is said that this is an important source of happiness. When you do what you love, you are fully absorbed, forget the time and your own existence. Zhuangzi described this situation several times. According to him, at this time you are connected with the "Tao", so there will be extraordinary skills.
The secret to achieving this sense of comfort is to strike a delicate balance between your skills and challenges. In other words, the difficulty of what you are doing is just as difficult as your level. Of course, this is best done by you. But having said that, many times, even for neutral things, such as homework, if the ability and difficulty are equal,We will all enjoy this process.
So let’s go back and think about what we should choose for our children. Out of love, we always want to give our children more enjoyment. However, let him passively enjoy, such as watching TV and eating, he also has fun, but these funs are superficial and short-lived. As for things that are a little challenging, he is more able to devote himself. If the difficulty is too great, he will lose interest.
In fact, children often experience this sense of comfort when playing games. When my daughter is playing, if I ask her if she eats apples or something, she usually doesn't listen at all. So children play enthusiastically and freely, which is very valuable. We should encourage more and less disturb.
When children are older, they often involve a lot of utilitarianism in doing things, and when they are under pressure, it is difficult to devote themselves fully. Many hobby classes now make their interests even more boring. We parents should reflect on our own role in it. When
6
to children "psychological toy"
psychologist doing to enhance the well-being of intervention trials,There are some seemingly common and a little naive practices. For example, record the good things that happened that day and explain why you feel good; write down things that show your good side and review them every day. According to the survey, write down three things that make you feel good every day. This practice works well and the effect lasts for a long time.
We can do this ourselves, or we can guide our children to do this. We can use these good things as psychological toys when we are feeling down. We can also sort out our good things in our minds before going to bed or in other free time every day. Everyone can try. In fact, this is training our ability to change thoughts.
We can take the time to think about good things with our children. We can prepare a beautiful book for the child to record his good deeds. Or prepare a small whiteboard for him, make a display wall, and record at any time. Or prepare a treasure box of good things for your child, store all the things or photos that can cause good memories in it, and pour it out when you have time...
In addition to good things, this mental toy can also be Let yourself see the big picture, see the big picture, and see the big picture. For example, when you are angry about a little thing about your child, you can jump out and think: Generally speaking, he is a good child, I am a good mother, I work well, and I am basically satisfied with all aspects of life... Then look at just now You can look at it more calmly.
Cultivate the character of gratitude, empathy, tolerance and optimistic thinking habits.
Our parents’ own attitude has a great influence on children.Sometimes I feel that my daughter will complain a bit. Before she said it, I started to feel good about it, expressing contentment, and her thoughts were brought over. In fact, I think children are more optimistic and make fewer negative judgments than adults. Sometimes adults will use their own thoughts to guess that the children have not had any dissatisfaction before, hearing what the adults say, they immediately become negative. Therefore, parents should be cautious in their words and deeds, don't rush to evaluate and draw conclusions, wait and observe more.
Our own comments include more gratitude, empathy, tolerance and optimism. This is a good education.
I often review the events of this day with my child before going to bed. In addition to summarizing her progress, I also think about the good things and the things we should feel contented and grateful for. Then Looking forward to your dreams, just kidding.
For older children who go to school, we can ask them to write gratitude diaries and good deeds occasionally (things that make themselves happy, proud and proud). You don’t have to write every day, because he will be disgusted, and it’s hard to persevere, so he can write one or two articles a week. Or let him look back on this day before going to bed every day, something worthy of gratitude, something that he is proud of. I think this is far more important than criticizing his shortcomings.
7
7
Tell your children: "If you do that, mother is very angry" and "If you do that, mother doesn't like it." I think parents should try to say this as little as possible. The normal emotional reactions of our adults can be known to our children without deliberately concealing it. We can be angry. But if you always use the emotions of the parents to discipline your children, this is not a good way. Always say this, the child will feel that he should be responsible for the adult's emotions. He will forget the original meaning of following the rules, and he is prone to a lot of unnecessary self-blame and guilt.
The correct way is to let the child see the bad results of his bad behavior, and let him be responsible for his own behavior instead of the parent’s emotions.
Sometimes after my daughter is crying, when she gets better, I occasionally tell her, do you know that when you cry, I am really annoying. But the key point is that you cried and wasted your time. You came to eat earlier, and you are happy when you are full. You can play for a while. Isn’t it...
teach To children, be responsible for their actions and emotions. As for our parents, we must also be responsible for our emotions. If we have negative emotions because of things that have nothing to do with the child, then tell the child that mother will be in a bad mood. Because of other things, mother will stay for a while, and when the mood is better, she will play with you immediately. In this way, the child can also learn that when he has bad emotions, he will calm down for a while and practice to deal with it by himself. He will also know that there is nothing wrong with having a bad mood.
8
accept the child's negative emotions
mostly talk in front of building on positive psychology,Let's talk about how to deal with the negative emotions that make us most headaches.
Regarding children’s negative emotions, we should not deny, suppress, belittle, or doubt. Don’t say “what’s terrible about this”, “you shouldn’t be disappointed”, “you have no reason to be angry” Wait, but to help the child to accept, recognize, and then teach how to deal with it.
The premise of teaching children to manage negative emotions is that we must be able to deal with them calmly. We will find that it is really difficult to do this. Why is it so difficult? Because, when a child loses his temper or has other negative emotions, our instinctive reaction is-trouble again! Do you dare to confront me! Why did my education fail so much! How old you have to grow to be...! I have paid so much, how can you treat me like that... So we sweat and bloody...
We are in this state, of course Can't expect the child to calm down.
To change this reaction, we must first realize that negative emotions are beneficial to children, and they are a good opportunity for him to know himself, improve EQ, and learn to grow. It is neutral, not a bad thing. Think of it as a gust of wind, control it well, and even use it to generate electricity and fly kites.
Secondly, try to separate your child's behavior and emotions from your own. Solve your own fatigue, complaints, and grievances by yourself. Don't make unreasonable hooks.
When my daughter annoys me, I enlighten myself in this way: on the one hand, because she is a child, that’s it; on the other hand, I reflect on the shortcomings of my own discipline and what else I can do Improvement. She is the result of my education. Whom do I complain to, just improve myself. I think that if parents have less of the victim’s thinking and think more about how to improve, this will also help us control our emotions and be less angry.
Then tell myself, of course I can not be perfect, I can't do it, just try to improve.
Only when we accept the child's negative emotions, can we not deny, suppress, belittle, and doubt his emotions, and teach children to accept his emotions. Opportunity
9
to the children deal with their own negative emotions
tantrums, we instinctively want to put out the fire. If we recognize the meaning of negative emotions, we know that we don't have to rush to let the emotions disappear, but try to give the child the opportunity to feel and recognize, and at the same time exercise and calm down.Every time he calms down, his emotional control ability gets an exercise. Of course, for children under two years of age, parents should still use the transfer method to coax them first, and then make sense.
So, the way I cry to my child now is: When I find out that she is a little emotional and may have a seizure, if she does not need my help, I often find an excuse to avoid it. I find that usually as soon as I walk away, she will be fine herself soon. When she does have a seizure, come back again. Sometimes she didn't say anything and wiped her tears by touching her head. If I am angry myself, or if she refuses to approach me, then hold the book and stay aside. If it is something she is particularly unreasonable, I will just say a few words. This kind of generous statement is also useful. It can help her see clearly the consequences of her actions and see the reactions caused. When she consciously loses her senses, her senses begin to recover and her emotions are overcome.
In this process, if the parents themselves can maintain a neutral attitude, this will help the child to calm down better. In many cases, children are fueled by the bad mood of their parents and become more and more intense.
10
teach him ways to deal with negative emotions
catharsis law: for example, play a sofa pillow fight (of course for love The little boy who beats people should use it with caution), tear paper (in fact, the truth behind these catharsis methods is,Vent your emotions in a way that is minimally destructive and does not affect others); Talking method: find someone to chat, write a diary, and draw at will; calm method: count, take a deep breath; transfer method: look at the scenery, listen to music, exercise, and be yourself Hobby. There are also those methods that can arouse positive emotions, such as thinking about good things, having good taste, and so on.
Then, after you calm down, teach your children to analyze and think, think about what happened to the emotion just now, what caused it, and what can be done to avoid that situation in the future. What should I do if there is a similar situation again.
There is an interesting phenomenon, that is, for negative emotions, we need to analyze and think more and find ways to help resolve emotions. But for positive emotions, try to analyze it as little as possible, feel it more, and feel it as a whole. Good thing, sometimes there is too much analysis, but the good feeling is gone.
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