Part 2
In fact, this is what we talked about in the book " Controlling Anger". The core of Ellis's rational emotional behavior therapy is the ABC If you have figured out the incentive mode of, you will find that the key point always lies in B, that is, your way of thinking about events, or the mode of reaction. In response to this, Ellis summarized three wrong ways of thinking, that is to say, these wrong ideas led to C: The first, catastrophic way of thinking, that is, terrorization; the second, absolute The way of thinking should be rationalized; the third is rationalization.
Let’s look at the first one, terrorization. Terrorization is always like to think of one thing very seriously. We always think like this: What should I do if something happens? For example, if you are waiting for an interview and feel very nervous, you will think: What if I can't answer the question? What if I am not qualified? What if I can't pass the interview this time? When you go to the interview with this kind of thought, you must not relax in your state, and you will not be able to show your best side.
The author found that adolescents are most accustomed to thinking about problems in a terrorizing way of thinking. For example, what if the girl I like doesn't like me? What if the exam fails? What if my classmates think I study too much and think I am a nerd? Adults are also prone to terrorizing thinking in their romantic lives. For example, the relationship between you and your lover has been tense recently, and it is easy to quarrel as soon as you talk. You start to think terrorizingly: Does he not love me anymore? Is it because I am unattractive, and he is starting to bother me? He's not empathizing, right? What if our relationship cannot be improved? What should I do if we are so noisy all the time and finally we separate?
terrorizes the problem, and a serious impact is that you will worry too much, become neurotic, and lose your rational judgment on a matter. When you look at the problem in this way, it will also affect your way and attitude to deal with things, and the result will definitely be biased. It is very likely that things will really develop in the direction you worry about.
The second wrong way of thinking is absolutization,It should be. What is supposed to be? It's just that I shouldn't be like that, it's fine that I should do it, and it's fine that I should be that way. Think about it, do we often think this way in our lives? I should do better! I have to win that company! I should have earned so much money! A person who always thinks about problems with oughts will put a lot of pressure on the surroundings. Imagine if there is such a person by your side? They usually have high demands on themselves, and they often read to themselves: how should I be, how I must... Ask what you should do.
Ellis believes that always think in terms of ought to be the worst kind of overreaction, because this way of thinking not only puts us on ourselves, but also brings this kind of pressure to us. people around me.
To get rid of the harm caused by this way of thinking, we need to look at what has happened from another perspective. What we have to do is to accept it, not to demand ourselves too much: I should just do that. , Things shouldn’t be like this...
The third wrong mode of thinking is the other extreme, called rationalization. What is rationalization? It is to treat everything that exists as reasonable, anyway, who cares? Who cares? So what? I'm like this, no way, that's it. I understand, it's okay, it's normal. I can't do it, I was born that way. He believes that there is no room for effort in everything, and effort is useless.
Ellis believes that when we are rationalizing, we are actually dealing with problems weakly and avoiding real problems. Once these three wrong ways of thinking become habits, they will cause all kinds of pain in our lives. Ellis summarized 10 common wrong life creeds, which are all caused by these wrong ways of thinking. Each one corresponds to the three ways of thinking we mentioned earlier: terrorization, ought to, and rationalization. Some people may concentrate on a certain kind, while others are a mixture of several. Let's look at them one by one.
is the first one. I care too much about what others think of you. For example, how much I fail and shame in the eyes of others! When you have this kind of thinking and care too much about what others think of you, you are terrorizing other people's opinions.
is the second one, unable to bear to fail in important tasks. For example, taking college entrance examinations, important projects at work, and important relationships must not fail. Falling in love fails, cannot bear it, and will commit suicide; if the project fails, she feels embarrassed and wants to resign and leave. This is what should be changed, thinking that oneself should be successful and do everything to the best. Should be changed is very high requirements and very heavy pressure.
Third, people and things should be developed in the direction I want. If not, it would be terrible... This should also be changed.
Fourth, if something bad happens, then I must hold someone accountable, and then criticize and educate him. For example, if something goes wrong at work, someone must be held accountable to see who it is. If you don’t do things according to my requirements, you must deal with him. This is also typical.
The fifth one is always deeply worried about what is about to happen. This is terrorization and ought to. Always worry about failure or imperfection, worrying too much.
Sixth, every problem has a perfect solution, and I must find these solutions immediately. The typical should be. Trying to find a perfect answer often leads to stagnation and frustration. The way to be healthy is to pursue improvement and do your best. It is likely to produce the best results.
Seventh, it is much easier to avoid difficulties and responsibilities than to face the problem. The author believes that this is the most destructive rationalization. We can even persuade ourselves to stay out of things forever, but it also means that you don't have any chance to do things, and you won't have any achievements at all.
Eighth, if I don't devote myself to everything, and just keep the detached attention, I will always be happy. This is also a typical rationalization. Like the previous one, this is also a passive attitude of avoidance. If everything goes away, if you don't take the initiative, there will be no achievements.
The ninth, because of the things that happened in the past, when I was a child, and recently, which caused me to look like I am now, I can't change it with my efforts. This kind of thinking is a mixture of the three wrong ways of thinking of terrorization, ought to, and rationalization, which is equivalent to saying that my current emotions, anxiety, anger, depression, guilt, depression, and pain are all reasonable, and I can be arrogant. Go on, indulge yourself in the episode of bad emotions. But in fact, we have the ability to resist and revise our view of the past.They also have the ability to adjust these negative emotions and do things actively.
Tenth, bad people and bad things shouldn't exist. When they do exist, I really don't know what to do! When it comes to this, your anger may have come again. This is a typical ought to be transformed, thinking that things that make people angry should not happen, so if it happens, there is only anger.
These 10 wrong life creeds, and the previous three wrong ways of thinking, are the B in the ABC mode. These wrong Bs will cause the wrong C to appear, which are the four bad emotions mentioned at the beginning, excessive Of irritability, excessive anger, excessive depression and excessive guilt.
Having said this, we should understand that we often fall into these bad emotions because we use some wrong ways of thinking to look at things and think about problems. So, what is the correct way?
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