What is the meaning of
Question 1: What does this book talk about?
is related to psychology, and you can obtain spiritual energy after reading it. The author is British psychologist Robert Debord. In the form of a story, he introduced a complete psychological counseling and explored the origin of inferiority, weakness, show-off, and depression in the interaction, pointed out that childhood experiences will have a profound impact on personality, and explained how to truly mature, independent, and confident from the inside out.
Question 2: Who is the author?
From the Douban and Baidu encyclopedia, Robert Daibod is an academic lecturer, successful writer, publisher, and psychologist. This book was first published in 1997, and it has been 25 years since then. As of August 2022, "Mr. Toad Goes to See a Psychologist" (2020 Chinese Translated Edition) sold more than 3 million copies. Judging from the impact of time and sales, this book is worth spending time savoring.
Question 3: What did the first psychological counseling say?
The first time: The toad follows the advice of friends Badger, Mole , and river rats to do psychological counseling. Psychological counselor Gang Lu asked the reason why Toad came, and the Toad said that his friend asked him to come, so he came. The core key is to clarify the responsible person. Toad must take on the responsibility of making himself better, rather than doing whatever his friend asks him to do, otherwise the psychological counseling will end immediately. Heron told Toad that there is no guarantee that things will get better, but it can be promised that as long as we work together and devote ourselves to it, we can meet positive results. In the final analysis, it depends on Toad. The few sentences in the book
found it particularly classic and gave me a lot of inspiration.
"Your friends want me to consult you to relieve their concerns about you. You seem to want to get help, in order to make them happy. So in my opinion, your friends are my real visitors." - The consultant Heron said in one sentence that "weak dependence" psychological characteristics, and told us in a sideways that we should be ourselves in our hearts. We have never done whatever others want us to do, but we really regard ourselves as the protagonist and figure out why we are unhappy, rather than letting others lead us to tell our opinions, how you should live as we expect.
"For the first time in such a long time, the toad was angry. "Listen," he raised his voice, "You can't do it." You said you were a consultant, and I came here for consultation. I was sitting here waiting for you to say something to me, but what you said was my money and it didn't work. What else do I need to do to work? "——I feel that the toad has no opinion at all, and can only accept other people's arrangements. Only when he can't bear it, he will express it by losing his temper. The following sentence also confirms my guess.
Toad does not often make decisions after thinking twice. He would make decisions when he was dazzled, and regret it. Just like he had once before, he had a look at someone else's car and drove away without hesitation. Otherwise, he would do what others said. The "other person" was usually a badger, which turned out to be extremely miserable. He was quite willing to ask the wise river rat, "Rat, what do you think I should do? "Because of this question, the responsibility was taken off his shoulder. - The revelation to me is that responsibility cannot be shirked, and everyone must be responsible for themselves. How to live a lifetime, whether it is happiness or miserable, everything is borne by themselves.
However, the heron looked at the toad in a special way, as if he was sure that the toad would make an informed decision. The toad finally spoke: "I am willing to work with you and try to find the reasons why I feel miserable and what I can do to improve all this. I brought the logbook. Can we agree on the specific date of the next consultation? ”—Give me a big subversion.I am also the kind of person who is used to relying on others to make decisions. This change from Toad made me realize that I stop thinking about relying on what others say. Only when I really start to decide what to do on my own initiative will everything move towards the right trend. Just like the Heron agreed to continue working with him for psychological counseling after Toad realized he was responsible.
If you want to say what the toad learned from the first interview, it must be this truth: things that must be accomplished can only be accomplished by himself. Toad realized more and more clearly that he would better "grow up" as soon as possible. ——This sentence summarizes the results of the first interview and shows that only by realizing that one must have a backbone can it be considered the beginning of true growth.
Question 4: What did the second psychological counseling say?
The second time: answer "How do you feel?" without perfunctory answering, and for example, if there is a thermometer that can measure your current feelings, with 10 scales, the lowest is 1, which means that you feel very bad, and there may be the idea of suicide. The middle is 5, which means that you feel not too bad, and the highest is 10, which means that you are very happy. The toad marks between 1 and 2 without hesitation. Based on this, we talked about a concept " children's self-state ".
Question 5: What did the third psychological counseling say?
The third time: Continue to talk about "how do you feel?" In addition to the concept of "children's self-state", it also mentioned "changing roles" and explained it.
- "Children's Self-State", what's the use after understanding it?
If I can successfully teach you how to understand the ‘children’s self-state’, you can use these concepts to explore yourself and your personal experience.
- "Children's Self-State" What is it?
'Children's Self-State' is built from the remains of our childhood and contains all the emotions we experienced when we were young. You must know that when we are born, we only have a few basic emotions. When we were young, these basic emotions gradually developed into more subtle and complex behavioral patterns that became the core of the self, integrated into part of ourselves, and defined our lifelong behavior. Because of this, certain specific situations and scenarios will inspire our basic behavior patterns and allow us to react automatically, so we will act and feel the same as when we were young. The specific situation and scenarios vary from person to person. ”——Explanation of the concept.
- "Basic Emotions of Children", what is it?
Basic Emotions of Children: Happiness and affection, anger, sadness, fear. ——This is our most basic emotion, everyone has it.
- From infancy, we have started to try to adapt to life?
"You said that we started to learn to deal with life in infancy, and we have to make adjustments to our natural behavior. What does this mean? "——From our infancy, we have to learn to adapt to life. It starts so early, which surprised me a little. And give the following example.
"Imagine there are only three people living on a very small planet: you and two others. Those two people are more than twice your height, and you have to rely entirely on them for everything, not only for food and drink, but also for your emotional needs. They are usually nice to you and you respond to them with love. But sometimes, they get angry with you, which makes you feel scared and unhappy. They are so tall and powerful that you feel helpless. What do you think of this story? "—Think about it, what to use to compete with parents? If you don’t have the strength or can’t speak, then you will only cry.
The story just now is a fable about infants and toddlers. Since our birth, there are only two people in our lives, and sometimes even one person.Compared to us, they are so powerful, and we rely entirely on them. Because there is nowhere to escape, the only thing we can do is to adapt to their moodiness every time. Let me draw a graphic to explain further. "He walked to the white cardboard and drew a circle, and wrote the words "children's self-state" above. Then he drew a horizontal line and divided the circle into two halves. In the upper half of the circle, he wrote "natural child", while in the lower half of the circle, he wrote "adaptive child". ——So this is very good to explain why my daughter kept crying when she was a child, because she was hungry, because she peed, because she felt insecure; it is very good to explain why she went shopping in the city and rolled on the ground without buying it, because she was angry; it is very good to explain why she stopped crying after being scared by the "ferious adults" staring at her and roaring, because she was afraid; it is very good to explain why she looked at her mother after eating her full breasts, and her lips would rise from time to time even in her dreams.
