Are you always hesitant before making a decision? Indeed, it is not easy to make a "perfect decision" because all decisions have their pros and cons. Psychologists suggest that you no longer have to insist that you must make a perfect decision, but make a "good enough" decision. He also provides 6 ways to overcome fear.
When a person is afraid of making decisions, he is usually afraid of the following things: First, he is afraid of making imperfect decisions. No. 2, I am afraid that others will criticize the decision we are about to make. Finally, we are afraid of regret, and we may feel that if the result of this decision is unfavorable, we will find it difficult to forgive ourselves. Next let’s explore each point in more detail.
"Making a perfect decision" is actually a cringe-inducing premise. Because all decisions have their pros and cons, we usually face several imperfect choices and have to choose one of them. In each case, we have the potential to lose something we like and choose an option with obvious drawbacks.
From this perspective, all our decisions are imperfect choices. What makes things more complicated is that when we look back later, we even feel that these shortcomings are predictable and avoidable, because we already know what the result of this decision will have, which is an advantage we did not have at the beginning.
Since all decisions are imperfect, the standards must be changed. You no longer have to insist that you must make perfect decisions, but make a "good enough" decision. If is not changed, the better result is that you are not satisfied with your decision, and the worse result is that you feel that you are failure. In order to rescue yourself from the clutches of perfectionism, please decide to make an imperfect decision. sees your decision as a point in the process, not an absolute result.
There are few decisions that cannot be adjusted except for detonating the nuclear bomb or having a child. Of course, some decisions require more time to consider, such as finding a suitable marriage partner or investing in a career, it would be a wise approach to search and choose for a long time. However, if you decide to buy a new coffee machine or a vacation location, it is better to solve it quickly.
When facing major decisions, overcoming self-criticism first
When making important decisions, fearing others' judgments will also put us in trouble. has a very smart young woman who graduated from Ivy League . She is getting more and more dissatisfied with her work in a big business. The job gave her a generous reward and was intellectually challenging, but she was eager to have some influence on the world, and the job lacked such opportunities.
Her dream is to become a doctor, and although she knows it is something she clearly wants to pursue, she is worried that others think she is stupid. Of course, not everyone is suitable to leave a large and lucrative company to pursue her dream of medical science, but she is very clear about her ideas, so what we must solve is her fear of criticism.
I asked her, "Who do these criticisms come from? Who are you really worried about?" She shrugged her shoulders, paused, stared at a place of nothingness, and after a while, she replied, "I can't seem to think of a specific object. Maybe it's my own criticism, and I'm worried about what others will think."
This insight allows her to control the situation and move forward according to her own decisions. She , like most people, projectes what she fears on the thoughts she thinks others may have. Although we cannot guarantee that others will not criticize our career choices, we cannot control other people's ideas. What we can control is our judgment of ourselves.
I encouraged her to devote herself to the path she firmly believes in, that is, the dream of medicine, and let everything else fade away slowly. In order to focus on her goals, she came up with a transition plan to assist her in transferring to the new job that suits her best.
How to deal with regret? Instead of blaming yourself, it is better to remember the lesson
Handling regret is the last obstacle to making a decision. Frankly, it is impossible for us to accurately foresee how a decision will develop, because there will inevitably be many uncontrollable situations in the process. When you look back, you can sometimes piece together a picture that looks very different, but this is because we get more information through experience.
You usually don’t have this information at hand when you make a decision. Nevertheless, if you allow yourself to manage known variables in the process, I believe we can still make good decisions. If we find that the decision we made is not that ideal later, we still have a choice to decide how to deal with the feeling of regret.
Most people want to minimize losses, so naturally, we will do our best to minimize regrets. According to my experience, what makes people regret more than what they actually choose to do is usually what they "have not pursued, tasks they have not undertaken or what they say." In other words, we regret our inaction, passiveness and escape than our actions. Although it is sometimes hard to remember this when we are facing a decision, I still encourage you to take it to your heart.
For those who are prone to regret, never blame yourself for your behavior. takes this opportunity to reevaluate, sort out the information at hand, see if you can remember or learn from bad results, and resist the urge to blame yourself.
Note what you say to yourself, and think about it in a sympathetic way. Is it really beneficial to blame yourself. Usually, all self-blame comes with guilt and shame. If you are always used to talking to yourself like this, I encourage you to change and talk to yourself in a more gentle way. There is a big difference between taking responsibility for being honest and self-supervising yourself, and brutally destroying yourself when you find mistakes or encounter difficulties.
To break the circle of blame and shame, try to focus on the facts and talk to yourself gently. You must resist all the abuse or insist that "you should know" things you wouldn't know at the time. Acknowledge how you feel about this situation, do you feel discouraged, disappointed, shocked, hurt, frustrated, embarrassed, embarrassed, ashamed, sad, angry, scared or otherwise? allows yourself to feel those emotions, do not warn yourself with harsh words, and remind yourself that you have the ability to resist setbacks.
If you have learned any lessons, remember this lesson and let go of everything else. allows yourself to learn to accept the current situation while still holding hope for your abilities, and you can get through this difficulty and keep moving forward.
6 Suggestions help overcome fear and make decisions
- I know that not taking action is also a decision.
- I decided to make a decision.
I can accept the error.
- I made emergency plans because of my investment, not because of fear.
- I regard the decision as a point in the process, not an absolute result.
I will minimize unnecessary blame and regret.
