Author: Liqing Wei (Shanghai Mental Health Center)
Xiaoqiang and Satsuki After a five-year courtship, finally reached the last stage, the marriage room decoration fast Well, next is to consider getting married. But Xiaoyue was very annoyed in her heart. She was afraid that she could not handle the daily chores after marriage. She suddenly felt that life was so heavy and helpless, and she had an unprecedented lack of confidence in her ability to deal with life.
The mainstream of life is no longer the romance and passion of love history, but sharing family chores, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea. The children who used to talk about the future were romantic and old-fashioned, but now they can feel it right away. When it comes to house bills, lack of energy, and family relationships are rolling in.
Xiaoyue feels that getting married is like a developer, letting herself and the unpleasant things in life cruelly reproduce.
The two planned to get the certificate twice, but they didn't get the result two times. There were various reasons. Now the two quarreled more frequently than before. Before the third time to get the certificate, Xiaoyue even more I want to run away again...
Under the persuasion of a friend, Xiaoyue walked into the counseling room. In fact, Satsuki suffers from premarital anxiety.
1. What is premarital anxiety?
The definition of premarital anxiety refers to worries and worries about the relationship formed by oneself and its spouse, fear and worries about marriage and family pressure, including subconscious existence and reality objective existence All aspects of
Just like the above case, the two newlyweds have concerns about family problems, concerns about the lives of couples in marriage, and concerns about the next generation.
is generally panic caused by social factors and self or family factors. I don’t know how to face marriage. It is the appearance of lack of life experience or not making preparations to start married life.
2. Why does premarital anxiety occur?
Psychologists believe that marriage is a major turning point in everyone's life. Young men and women are approaching step by step at the moment of marriage, and while excited and expecting, they will have varying degrees of anxiety.
This is because life after marriage is unknown, and it is normal for people to be anxious and worried when facing unknown things.
Generally speaking, this kind of anxiety and worry will not cause serious problems.
But for some individuals with special experiences or experiences, such as divorced, single-family children, and young men and women with abnormal experiences, premarital anxiety will be caused.
From the perspective of psychology, the appearance of premarital anxiety is because the patient is too worried about the role change and lifestyle he faces, and he is afraid of the responsibilities and obligations he needs to bear.
So as the wedding day approaches, the passion in the heart will gradually be replaced by anxiety, and there will be a nervousness like going to a casino to place a bet, and there is no courage to open the door of marriage.
3. What kind of manifestations of premarital anxiety?
Premarital anxiety usually has three main symptoms:
1, fearful psychology
When talking about marriage, when it comes to the last stage of marriage, maybe It is the most worthy time to write about. It is more delicate and complicated than the moment when the wedding is held. There are too many longings for the unknown, and too much unforgettable about the past.
However, tension and fear often bother new couples at this time. New couples with poor psychological quality may even have some bad physical reactions, and some often have the idea of running away from marriage.
2. The lack of sense of responsibility and ability to perform responsibility
The lack of sense of responsibility and ability to perform responsibility is also one of the symptoms of premarital anxiety.
The two people who enter the married life must have the corresponding sense of responsibility and maturity to be more likely to cope with the pressure of life. For newcomers who usually rely on others and are still immature in life, most of them like to stay in love periods when they are not very responsible, so they have various anxiety expressions about entering married life.
3. Concerns about the excessive contradictions that may arise after marriage
Marriage is an agreement for both spouses and also has binding elements.
These people either saw the real situation of the breakdown of the marriages of others or relatives around them, or were affected by the discord between their parents' marriages, or believed that "marriage is the tomb of love", so they had thoughts of worry and fear before marriage.
Fourth, how to solve this disturbing situation?
Marriage is originally a happy and festive thing, but the pre-marital anxiety disorder makes it difficult for the newlyweds to be happy, and some even break up. How to make the newlyweds happy Into marriage?
The first suggestion is that new people communicate with people around them. Family members and close friends are better candidates to talk to. Share life troubles and inner worries with her/them, find the reason why you decided to marry/marry this person at the beginning, and be firm, and work together to find a way to get out of worries as soon as possible .
At the same time, I need to leave enough time for psychological adjustment.
includes clarifying your "anxiety points", specifically looking up relevant information or listening to wedding counseling lectures, focusing on communicating with your lovers, especially planning and envisioning your married life.
Then, start to take action to change, instead of sinking deeper and deeper into worry.
Of course, it is also suggested that newcomers may wish to enter their respective roles in advance while preparing for the wedding, and familiarize themselves with their responsibilities and obligations. Of course, they also have the right to do things.
I believe that after a period of time, the new couple will build confidence in the future family life, and fear and worry will gradually disappear.
Of course, proper exercise, listening to music, cooking, and housework can also relieve anxiety and at the same time ease the relationship between the two.
Summary
Most premarital anxiety can be relieved by the above methods. If you still can’t open your heart knot through the above-mentioned efforts, you might as well go to a regular hospital psychology department with your lover and find a psychologist for pre-marital psychological consultation. This method is quite common abroad, so you don’t have to Many worries.
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