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text: Shili
Illustration: From the Internet
"Why am I so lucky and can't meet a good man? Those women around me who are not as good as me in all aspects have married good men, why can I only marry a man who is unpromising?" two days ago, I thought my readers sent such a private message.
Seeing this private message, the author thought for a long time.
For a woman, not marrying well is really just bad luck?
In fact, the answer is no.
Compared to luck, the author attaches more importance to women's ability to manage marriages.
Many women believe that those women with good fate marry a good man because of their good luck, so they get happiness.
But I don’t know that a happy marriage depends on marriage and 70% of management.
Most women with happy marriages are not really good men who are married, but they have managed their own marriages.
Most women with unhappy marriages are not bad people, but they do not know how to manage their marriage at all, so they play a good hand into bad cards.
And those women who know how to manage marriage can play all the cards well even if they have bad cards with their own abilities.
In fact, women with good marriage often understand three "ways of husband and wife"
Although I love you, I will still reject you. In
, intimacy is often easy, rejection is difficult; crossing the boundary is easy, and keeping a distance is difficult.
In a relationship, many women believe that as long as they do their best to be good to men, then men will repay them and be kind to them.
But I don’t know that the more unconditional a woman treats men, the less men may care.
Because of this, the easier it is to get something, the less you won’t cherish it.
Just like that song: "The heart that cannot be obtained is restless, and the person who is favored will always be fearless."
The more a woman prefers men, the more difficult it is for men to get the love of men.
true love must be balanced and you must know how to refuse.
people's energy is limited and it is impossible to meet everyone's requirements.
is not everything, you can do it after you agree. Instead of not being able to make the other party complain, it is better to refuse to protect yourself from the beginning.
When everything is accepted by habit, it will become natural. Rejection is to let each other understand that nothing is taken for granted.
women should let men understand . Women's acceptance is just a manifestation of love, not a woman's obligation and should.
If a woman does not refuse, then a man may not understand this truth in his entire life.
Love is giving, tolerance, but not indulgence.
Don’t always feel wronged and indulge the other party, because such behavior will not only not make the other party understand and feel distressed, but will also make the other party worse.
Don’t have the mentality of “afraid of letting others down”, because this will only harm others and yourself.
women should first affirm their own value. If they should refuse, they should refuse. You did nothing wrong, and you don’t have to feel guilty about it.
blindly indulges will only make the relationship between husband and wife unbalanced, make the other party unscrupulous and worse, and then completely destroy the relationship.
Only when you learn to refuse can you truly feel free and truly get the love and understanding that you are paying attention to.
Of course, when women express their firm rejection, they should take the premise of not hurting men's self-esteem.
Otherwise, the result will often go against your expectations.
Although we are different, I respect you and accept you.
Really good husband and wife relationships must grow and complement each other.
I look forward to your future becoming better, but I will not force you to change you, I will only lead by example to influence you.
In a relationship, if you can't do anything you can't do, you naturally have no right to force others to do it.
Just like those parents who ask their children to study, they cannot do this themselves. Even if they force their children to change, it will be useless.
This behavior will not only not make the child better, but will instead arouse the child's rebellious mentality and become worse.
Fitzgerald wrote a sentence in "The Great Gatsby": When I was still young and I didn't have a deep experience, my father taught me a sentence, which I still miss. That is, whenever you want to criticize anyone, remember that not everyone in this world has the superior conditions you have.
Each of us is an independent individual, growing up in different environments and families, which naturally creates their own personalities and different ways of behavior.
When the other party’s behavior is different from us, we should not judge the other party’s wrong based on our own values.
Because all this may be correct for the other party, it’s just that we have different viewing angles and different cognitions, so we get different answers.
Just like when a couple has a conflict or quarrel over something, we both think we are right, then criticize the other party for being wrong, and then escalate the conflict.
But I don’t know that sometimes the two parties quarrel in a relationship are not wrong. The only thing that is wrong is that we do not understand and tolerate each other enough.
Anyone hopes that others can accept and agree with their own opinions.
Thinking about this will naturally be calm.
You can choose not to accept different opinions from yourself, but you must respect each other.
宫子宫: "A gentleman is harmonious but different, villains are the same but not harmonious.
Although we are husband and wife, I will give you private space.
High husband and wife relationships must have a private space for each other. Those women who are good-lived in marriage are particularly well aware of this.
They know how to give each other private space, and they also know how distance creates beauty.
The gain of private space comes from basic mutual trust.
If a couple does not have trust, then there is naturally no happiness in marriage.
Compared to women, men are born to be unrestrained and love freedom.
so they often hide in the car for a while after get off work and are unwilling to go home.
Their behavior is actually It is not to escape responsibility, but to enjoy your own time, because in the car, time belongs to him, and after stepping out of the car door, he is just a father, husband, and child. The same is true for
, men hope to get private space to digest their lives.
The relationship between two people is like the quicksand in the hand. The tighter you hold, the faster the quicksand is lost.
The more a woman presses against men step by step and controls them everywhere, the more the man will Escape from far away.
Men are not prisoners and do not need to be controlled and disciplined everywhere.
men are born to be rebellious creatures, long for freedom, and naturally do not want to be disciplined and bound by women.
Although they have changed from "me" to "us" after being together, personal space still needs it, after all, they are two independent individuals.
As from says in "The Art of Love": Love can help people overcome loneliness, but it also helps people maintain loyalty to themselves, maintain their integrity and original appearance.
Although husband and wife are the closest relationship, they sometimes need to maintain certain boundaries.
is both interdependent and independent of each other, so this relationship state is the most comfortable.
Have a couple’s own private space, which must be more beneficial than disadvantages.
Just like the mystery and freshness of both husband and wife.
Distance produces beauty, and couples are properly isolated from each other will actually only make love more beautiful.
British psychologist Winnicott once said something, saying: The perfect intimacy is "lonely in the arms of a lover."
Even if two people are stuck together, they should have their own thinking and personality. Only in this way can they get true happiness.
Not relying too much on the other party and not always wanting to control the other party is the real way for couples to get along.
Of course, the private space between couples should be limited to the basis of not violating the Marriage Law regulations and the scope of moral cultivation, and in particular, it cannot harm a third party and affect the relationship between husband and wife.
—END
Today's topic: "Do you think it's right?"
