Read "Mr. Toad Goes to See a Psychologist" Chapter 12: Tell the Life Story
This is the 8th meeting between Mr. Toad and Heron and the 7th interview.
In this chapter, the author let us and Mr. He and Mr. He quietly listen to Mr. Toad’s memories. He tells the situation of his family, school, childhood, and youth, and how he was unable to choose the life he wanted under the shadow of the previous generation or even the previous two generations, until he was depressed.
In this chapter, the author did not talk about any principles or principles, and even the conclusion was reflected in Chapter 13, but it still triggered my thinking after reading it. In this chapter, what I realized is that if people want to unbind their souls and make life happy, they must do these three things.
01
Learn to talk to the soul
When Mr. Heron finished his sixth interview and asked whether Toad would like to tell his life experience next time, Mr. Toad immediately replied:
"I think, actually I really want to. I want to tell you my whole life experience. I have never told anyone. It's not that my life is so exciting, it's actually very ordinary. I just want to have a chance to tell others what I've experienced, and it's good to have one. So that you can understand me."
Even on his way back, he had already begun to plan what to say in his mind.
is a commendable thing to be able to talk and dare to talk. We must be mature, independent, and responsible, but these do not mean that we can only bear everything ourselves silently.
Those words hidden in our hearts, even if they cover our mouths, will surge out of our eyes, faces, and bodies, and express them in another way, such as, like Mr. Toad, letting yourself fall into depression.
Someone said: "Talking is to open the claustrophobic door to the heart. With a channel, the airflow of emotions can be freely back and forth, purified and updated."
Learn to confide, and those anxiety, fear, anger, and sadness will not accumulate in the body and accumulate into huge psychological pressure.
gritting his teeth and swallowing tears into his stomach is a kind of strength, but being able to find someone to tell me is not a kind of courage to express my fragility?
Many difficulties, if you say it, the difficulty will be reduced by one point. If you say it, the pain will be reduced by a little.
When you want to talk, go find someone who can listen to you and say it out loud. Some people are willing to listen to your frustration and understand it. Confession is a kind of comfort to our lives.
How long has it been since you talked to someone? What is the thing you want to talk about the most?
02
Accepting the original family
Seeing this chapter, I believe many readers are pleased for Mr. Toad, who can tell his past happily.
Why can he tell his imperfect family happily, his suppressed childhood, unpleasant study and work, his resistance to his family, and his fall after the failure of resistance.
because he began to accept all this. Only by giving the past to time can we face the experience and get out of the past.
famous psychoanalyst Freud once said: "There are two situations for reconciliation with one thing. One is to discover something more interesting and distract yourself; the other is to understand the principles behind things and understand the development laws of things, and you will no longer be so upset."
We all walk on our own life paths with the brand of our original families, beautiful, painful, positive, and negative. Once we lack awareness, we will pass on those restrictive beliefs.
Mr. Toad has no perfect family.
The grandfather who had a successful career worked hard, treated his subordinates with a paternal style, and treated his family with moral preaching;
hoped to live like his grandfather, but he had never been able to achieve his wish, so he was particularly strict and autocratic to the toad; his mother who loved him but did not dare to act too close in front of his father;
and the famous, knowledgeable and wise grandfather became a shadow that he could never escape on his journey to study.
He once escaped all this in various ways until he had no choice. But when he was able to say all this calmly and calmly after he was treated, he had already reconciled with his family.
Everyone’s family is imperfect, and no parent will be very qualified from the moment they become parents. But we must believe that every parent will do their best.
Someone said: "When facing imperfect parents, you have to go from attachment to criticism to pain to acceptance, and only after going through this process is truly independent."
Acceptance is the last and most difficult link.
Accepting parents does not mean that they should recognize them or become people like them, but that they should accept their love and hate, anger and shame, pain and setbacks for their original family, and then, bravely correct the past, return to the present, and shape the future.
03
Be brave to change yourself
Bi Shumin said: "The strength we are striving for is actually based on ourselves. What we need to learn is to make ourselves powerful, brush away the dust, shine, and make a clang."
Mr. Toad was always influenced by the concept of elders when he was a child. When he grew up, he chose to confront each other, such as bringing a bow tie that his father didn't like; participating in various gatherings and activities, and avoiding the major he didn't like. But they all complete their studies according to their family’s wishes.
But these changes did not make him a strong person, and barely graduating is the best proof. After working, he finally had the opportunity to have his own life. Due to family changes, he returned to life in the manor. This time no one forced him, but he still chose the life his father hoped for.
He went through various escapes, and finally returned to the origin, being shackled by his original family. Because, he did not really change himself and strengthen himself.
" Storm Harvard Road ", the protagonist Lis Murray was born in a slum. She spent her childhood in an environment full of drugs, AIDS , and hunger. He was homeless at the age of 15. During her days when she was living in a state of no fixed place and wandering on the street, she spent two years of high school, was admitted to Harvard with excellent results, and received the first scholarship of " New York Times ".
is determined to change, and even if you have not done anything, you have already gained strong power. This power makes people live out the courage to climb out of the abyss and embrace the sunshine.
Change yourself from the heart. If you can’t change the environment, change yourself. Only when you change will the world change.
The book says: "The toad crosses the aisle and thinks of himself. He feels that he has been like that poor bird in a cage for most of his life. Will he break free from his past life and find freedom?"
We all know the answer: Yes.
When a person can face pain, accept the past, and start to actively write his own script, change is already showing its power.
04
After listening to Mr. Toad’s confession, the Heron asked him: "But the key is, what can you learn from this?"
The mark of life can be a scar or a medal, and the key is how we treat it.
There are always unavoidable ups and downs in life, and you can't untie the knots in your heart. Learn to talk, learn to accept, and firmly believe in change. Life will always be bright.
Finally, please think about it:
When you are in confusion and pain, will you take the initiative to open your heart to the people around you?
Will you listen when someone opens up to you?
