saw a love program online, and one of the topics was:
"Why are young people nowadays unwilling to take the initiative in their relationship?"
There is a guest's opinion:
"Because I was too proactive in my relationship when I was young and was injured; so in my new life, I became cautious and did not dare to invest too much, and I was worried that my efforts would be disappointed again."
It is undeniable that this is indeed a reason, but the essential reason why young people are unwilling to take the initiative is not only this.
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People who are not proactive care too much about the other party's "positive feedback"
In essence:
People who are not proactive often have lower self-esteem and have a lower sense of "self-esteem".
Their inner activities are:
"Let's forget it, if I send him a message but can't get a response, it would be too embarrassing."
This reminds me of a poem by Gu Cheng : "To avoid it It ended, so it avoided everything from beginning. "
They are contradictory:
While longing for external recognition and response, they hope to establish a good relationship with others;
is worried that they will be rejected, perfunctory, and will not be responded. People like
are often prone to falling into their own "mental internal friction".
"I want to take the initiative"
"Forget it, I still don't take the initiative"
"No, if you don't take the initiative, our relationship will end"
"Forget it, end it, let it go."
" l8
Tagore There is a poem:
"I long to sit next to you, but I dare not, for fear that my heart will jump on my lips; so I easily say the host and hide the heart behind the words."
For people with inferiority and sensitivity, they are lonely, struggled, and contradictory.
The reason why they are not proactive is not because they have any prejudice against you, not because they don’t like you; it is just that their courage is defeated by timidity.
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is too proactive and is often at a "disadvantage"
is a matter of falling in love, sometimes it is like "buying clothes in a clothing store."
You like a piece of clothing, the other party asks for 200 yuan.
If you bargain at will, you will probably cut 120 yuan. The store will take action;
You take a look at it, and the store is observing your emotions;
You stand in front of the clothes and can't put it down, you can only cut 10 yuan. The same is true for
in intimate relationships.
People who are overly proactive, over-paying, and exposing their trump card too early are often at a disadvantage in the relationship.
In the book "Bored Charm", there is a very interesting passage:
"One of the irony of love, the more you don't like someone, the more you can attract him with a hundred times more confidence; because of the strong desire, people lose a kind of carelessness that is indispensable in the love game."
In the early stages of the opposite sex, the two people are "constantly pulling".
looked at each other, still moving like a mountain, waiting for the other party to take the move first.
is like the martial arts world under Gu Long :
Two masters, they only need one move to decide the winner; and before making a move, the two may confront each other for a few hours, and whoever can't stand it first will reveal flaws.
For young people, they prefer this "pull" relationship.
will not get too close to the other party, nor will it be distant, but will just keep a sense of distance from the other party tacitly.
pretends to be confused when you understand.
You move forward, I retreat; you move back, I move forward again.
In essence, being too proactive means "too high cost".
When he paid too much and took too much initiative, he found that he would get nothing in the end. " sunk cost " such as
makes them cautious wait-and-see attitude towards intimate relationships.
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People who are not proactive have a more "negative" attitude towards feelings
For this type of people, they do not have expectations for love.
"What can you do if you are together? If you want to get married, you have to go through many obstacles; so what if you are not together, as long as you love each other, it is enough to have each other in your heart."
Muxin Old Mr. Mu Xin said: "I used to be slow, but I only love one person in my life."
And we live in an era where we can determine the relationship at a glance, but we have been in love for many years but we say it will be dispersed.
For the older generation:
They can get married first, then fall in love slowly; hold hands, watch a movie, and make a lifelong life.
But for young people, they have said everything they should say and done everything they should do, and in the end they will not delay the breakup.
instead of wasting time in a fruitless relationship, young people's view of love is more cautious.
The essence of human nature is to "seek profit and avoid harm".
Everyone is rushing to do things that are beneficial; there is no benefit, only brings losses to themselves, and few people are willing to do things that are willing to do.
In a relationship, if you are too proactive, it means you give more and you will be easily not cherished in the end.
People who are not proactive are fighting for more chips for themselves and having an emotional pull and game with the other party.
Today’s topic:
Will you take the initiative or wait and see when you meet someone you like?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
will not get too close to the other party, nor will it be distant, but will just keep a sense of distance from the other party tacitly.
pretends to be confused when you understand.
You move forward, I retreat; you move back, I move forward again.
In essence, being too proactive means "too high cost".
When he paid too much and took too much initiative, he found that he would get nothing in the end. " sunk cost " such as
makes them cautious wait-and-see attitude towards intimate relationships.
-03
People who are not proactive have a more "negative" attitude towards feelings
For this type of people, they do not have expectations for love.
"What can you do if you are together? If you want to get married, you have to go through many obstacles; so what if you are not together, as long as you love each other, it is enough to have each other in your heart."
Muxin Old Mr. Mu Xin said: "I used to be slow, but I only love one person in my life."
And we live in an era where we can determine the relationship at a glance, but we have been in love for many years but we say it will be dispersed.
For the older generation:
They can get married first, then fall in love slowly; hold hands, watch a movie, and make a lifelong life.
But for young people, they have said everything they should say and done everything they should do, and in the end they will not delay the breakup.
instead of wasting time in a fruitless relationship, young people's view of love is more cautious.
The essence of human nature is to "seek profit and avoid harm".
Everyone is rushing to do things that are beneficial; there is no benefit, only brings losses to themselves, and few people are willing to do things that are willing to do.
In a relationship, if you are too proactive, it means you give more and you will be easily not cherished in the end.
People who are not proactive are fighting for more chips for themselves and having an emotional pull and game with the other party.
Today’s topic:
Will you take the initiative or wait and see when you meet someone you like?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
