01
In families with many children, mother-in-law should treat their son equally and daughter-in-law equally. Different daughters-in-law come from different parents' homes, and there will definitely be many different places. Mother-in-law must learn to be tolerant and accept.
If the mother-in-law starts from her own preferences and treats different daughter-in-law differently, there will definitely be conflicts between the sons and the big family will be in a bad mood. A husband and wife are a whole. If the mother-in-law truly loves her son, she must treat her daughter-in-law kindly. Only when the daughter-in-law lives well can the son live well.
When it comes to giving gifts, it is best for mother-in-law to treat everyone equally, and don’t give more to this daughter-in-law and less to that daughter-in-law. The bride price is slightly different, which is acceptable to most people. After all, the times are changing and prices are rising. But if there is too much difference, the daughter-in-law with less bride price will have an objection.
02
When the eldest son got married, the mother-in-law said that the family conditions were poor and the bride price was not given. When the youngest son got married, the mother-in-law asked the eldest daughter-in-law to borrow 100,000 yuan of dowry money and went to serve as a dowry money for the youngest daughter-in-law, but the eldest daughter-in-law refused.
This is what happened to Yin Jieya, she is the eldest daughter-in-law. Because of this incident, she and her husband finally divorced. Let’s listen to their family’s stories.
Self-reporter: Yin Jieya
Age: 33 years old
Occupation: Waiter
City: Jiangdu
03
I married far away. When my husband and I got married, my husband did not give me a bride price because my in-laws' conditions were not good. At that time, I didn't think much about it because my mother-in-law kept crying and I didn't understand the old rules very well. She said she would not give the bride price, so I said "um" and agreed.
Later, I told my mom, and my mom scolded me. She said that according to the old rules, the man would give the woman a bride gift when getting married. The current market usually costs at least 50,000 or 60,000 yuan. How could my in-laws not pay a penny?
I just told good things to my husband's family, saying that their family's conditions are not good and they can't afford to pay. I also said that now is a new society, and my mother can no longer treat marriages with old ideas. I don’t care about bride money at all?
My mother has no choice but to do anything to me, and it will be bad if she regrets it. But my mother felt sorry for me and was afraid that I would endure hardships after marrying from far away to my husband's house, so she gave me a dowry of 100,000 yuan. My dad bought me a car so that my husband and I could go back and see them often, and I was very happy.
04
After getting married, my husband and I rented a house. My parents-in-law’s house has two bedrooms and one living room. Originally, my husband and brother-in-law lived in one room, but now after my husband moved out, my brother-in-law lived in one room alone. In order to have a home that truly belongs to me, my husband and I decided to save money to buy a house, so we saved money.
A year later, my brother-in-law is also going to get married. They got married with their children and their girlfriend is three months pregnant. I am temporarily contraceptive to buying a house. I am afraid that now that I am pregnant, I will not be able to work hard and earn money. Buying a house will become a long way off.
The mother-in-law's family is not in good condition, so they will not give their daughter a dowry because they also have to buy a wedding house and marry a wife for their son! In order to marry a wife for their son, they offered to ask for 100,000 yuan of bride price. They wanted to use their daughter's bride price to marry a wife for their son, so no penny could be left.
The girlfriend of my brother-in-law said that if the man doesn’t give her 100,000 yuan in bride price, she will abort the child and break up. This made my mother-in-law very anxious. How could she agree to abort the child? But she couldn't get the 100,000 yuan gift, so she came to make an idea and asked my eldest son to ask me to borrow the dowry money.
05
I felt very upset. When I got married, my mother-in-law kept crying and saying that she would not give me a penny of the bride price. Now that she is marching her young daughter-in-law, she has to give her 100,000 yuan and borrow money to give her a lottery gift. In the eyes of my mother-in-law, the two daughters-in-law treat each other differently, as if I was inferior to my younger daughter-in-law.
I refused, and my husband was very unhappy. He was angry with me for two days, thinking that I would not save him when I was dead.Two days later, my mother-in-law came to discuss with me herself, saying that it was a discussion, but in fact it was a completely imperative tone. She said I was my eldest daughter-in-law and my mother-in-law's family was in trouble now, so I should lend a helping hand.
My mother-in-law said a lot of things, as if I had to take out 100,000 yuan. If I didn’t take it out, I would be a bad guy. I felt very wronged. How could my mother-in-law force me like this? The 100,000 yuan was given to me by my parents and it belonged to pre-marital property. Why did I have to take it out?
I asked my mother-in-law why she didn’t give me a penny of bride money when we got married. Now my brother-in-law is getting married, but he has to give my daughter-in-law 100,000 yuan of bride money? Am I not as valuable as my young daughter-in-law? My mother-in-law said that being a eldest brother and sister-in-law should be generous and responsible, so how can you be petty?
06
Mother-in-law also said that the young daughter-in-law is pregnant, and the child is their bloodline. If their family does not give the young daughter-in-law the bride price, the young daughter-in-law will have to abort the child, so they have no choice. I am part of the family. Now that I have money, I should take it out and help my in-laws solve the difficulties.
My husband also echoed my mother-in-law and advised me to take out the money. My father-in-law and brother-in-law looked at me with eager eyes. Their family forced me to use both soft and hard work, and I must take out the 100,000 yuan dowry money. If I don’t take it out, it seems like I can’t get through it anymore. I was a little hesitant.
Later, I said that since I asked me to borrow it, I had to write the IOU. Unexpectedly, my mother-in-law said for granted that they are all her own people, so what IOU is writing? When I said it, I was laughed at by someone. My husband also said that he didn’t need to write an IOU, it was all me, and it didn’t matter if he didn’t pay it back.
When my brother-in-law heard this, he immediately said that since the elder brother said so, he would not return it. After getting married, he and his wife have money. If we want to borrow money, they will definitely lend it to us. The mother-in-law said, don’t worry about whether to pay back the money or not, and then solve the bride price in front of you.
07
I had already put my bank card in my pocket and was about to take it out. Now after hearing what they said, my confused mind suddenly became clear. Obviously, I will lend this 100,000 yuan now, which is to beat the dog with meat buns - there will be no return.
Whether to borrow or not is now, the initiative is in my hands. If I turn back and don’t repay it, the initiative is not in my hands. So I changed my mind and said I would not lend it. The money is my dowry and my pre-marital property. I have no obligation to lend it to my in-laws.
The family of the mother-in-law was immediately angry. The mother-in-law and husband quarreled with me. Although my brother-in-law and father-in-law didn't quarreled with me loudly, their faces were also ugly. Finally, I was so angry that I went back to my parents' home. After my parents knew what happened, they were all glad that I didn't lend the money.
Because of this, my husband and I divorced half a year later. He stood by his parents-in-law and brother-in-law from beginning to end, thinking that it was wrong for me to not lend them money and said that I only recognize money but not family affection. Since this is the case, I simply filed for divorce, because even if we don’t get divorced, we will not be happy.
Conclusion:
Pre-marital property is protected by law, and no one can think of spouse's pre-marital property. Unless the spouse is willing to take out his pre-marital property, no one can occupy his pre-marital property.
Yin Jieya’s 100,000 yuan dowry money was given to her by her parents, and her in-laws had no right to force her to take it out. She had no obligation to pay the bride price for her brother-in-law's family, so it was unreasonable for her in-laws to ask her for the 100,000 yuan.
When treating two daughters-in-law, Yin Jieya was easy to talk to, so her husband's family didn't give a penny of the bride. The youngest daughter-in-law was pregnant and asked for 100,000 yuan in bride price, but the mother-in-law agreed immediately and then focused on the eldest daughter-in-law's dowry money. This approach is entirely creating family conflicts, so the eldest son finally divorced.
Mother-in-law should treat every daughter-in-law as equal as possible, do not favor one or the other, and do not make special contributions. Everyone hopes to be treated fairly in their hearts, and so does their daughter-in-law. Only when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law respect each other and do not impose their own ideas on each other can the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law be harmonious.
Author: A creator in the emotional field, focusing on various issues in the emotional field, welcome to follow. Life is warmth because of love and love. Let us grow in love and spend every day in true love.
