"My husband betrayed me when he was young and was with other women and forced me to get out. Now he is old and sick. The women outside don't care about him. When he leaves him, he runs to pester my son and asks my son to support him. My son said that no matter how excessive he did, it is his father after all. He can't ignore him and have no time to care about him. I hope I will take care of his father for his sake. However, when I see my ex-husband, I get angry and feel disgusted. I don't want to pay attention to him at all. It's hard to refuse my son. What should I do?"
I received Aunt He's request for help. I felt very angry. I was not angry at the behavior of the shameless scumbag who abandoned his wife and children, but angry at Aunt He's son's behavior.
How much harm did that man betrayed his marriage and abandoned his wife and children to Aunt He and him? Did he forget it? Over the years, hasn't he seen the hardships that Aunt He has experienced in raising him with great difficulty? A father is kind and a son is filial, and a father is not kind and a son is not filial. For a father who abandons his wife and never fulfills his responsibilities, he forces his mother to raise his own mother to take care of a person who hurt her to the core. Such a son also has the face to be filial?
It is obvious that Aunt He has loved her son too much over the years and will respond to all requests, so that she will spoil her son as a person who does not know how to be grateful, can't be clear and selfish. The reason why her son did this was to ask his mother to take care of his father who had abandoned his wife and children was not because of filial piety, but because of selfishness.
As soon as he came, his biological father came to the door. If he ignored him, the man would inevitably be entangled, staged moral kidnapping , forcing his son to compromise, and may also go to court. Although he did not fulfill his obligation to raise his son, his son still had to bear the basic support obligation . Secondly, he did not want to be disturbed and did not want to serve him, so he turned the blame to his mother. In this way, if the father is satisfied, he will not have to be affected.
Murakami Haruki said: "Don't be too obedient. You can refuse what you don't want to do. Don't force things you can't do. Pretend to not hear what you don't like. Your life is not to please everyone, but to treat yourself kindly."
The spouse did 3 things in the past. Forgiveness is love, not to forgive it is duty, don't force yourself. If your children morally kidnapped you, you should think about yourself. It is obvious that your children who have suffered all their grievances will not be able to become your support for your later years.
First, when he betrays you and does not take marriage seriously, your husband and wife's relationship is over;
Regarding betrayal, writer Wang Shuo once said: No matter how you make excuses, never mention the promised past, and forgive everything. But when the two of them live in the same room, they will feel that this person has betrayed me, the person I care about the most, once inserted a knife into my heart.
Don’t talk about anything. I just made a mistake that men in the world make. To be honest, this sentence is really an insult to men.
Betrayal of marriage is purely a personal moral issue and has no direct relationship with gender. Whether it is a man or a woman, you cannot step on this bottom line. Once you step on it, you must take responsibility for all consequences.
The spouse who stepped on this bottom line does not need to forgive him. If you forgive him, but you can't forget him. If you look at him, you will be in a hurry and have nightmares. Isn't that a person who is suffering and making others lose money? Not cost-effective.
If you can’t let go, you will remember him and feel pain when you see him. Then let him get out!
There is no need to hurt yourself and make yourself suffer for such a person. It is extremely stupid to punish yourself for other people's mistakes.
Second, let your dignity be trampled on by your other half, it is not worthy of your forgiveness.
Writer Beauvoir once commented on a full-time housewife in " Second Sex ": "The hard work of almost no work can compare to the torture brought by the ever-repeated housework - clean things get dirty, dirty things get clean again. Day after day, it repeats itself.”
In fact, for a full-time housewife, these are not the most painful things. Hard work is just the second. Not being respected by her husband is the most sad and unacceptable thing.
It is obvious that I sacrificed my career for my family, I am also working hard for this family, and I am clearly living a hard life, but when it comes to his mouth, I have made no contributions, I have become a free meal, and I have become a supporter by him. Which woman can accept it?
What's more, he not only does not feel sorry for your efforts, but also dislikes you, who is a yellow-faced woman. He wants to abandon you, but also wants you to leave the house with nothing on the grounds that you have not given. Do not forgive a ruthless man, and don't give him a chance to sacrifice.
Third, if you did something wrong, you don't want to bear the consequences. If you want to exchange the words "sorry" for your forgiveness, don't forgive me.
"I really regret it, I really shouldn't go back with him. I thought he knew he was wrong, he would treat me well, cherish his marriage, and when I went back, I realized that the reason he apologized to me was not because he knew he was wrong, but because I left and no one served them, mother and son. "
Since beating her daughter out of marriage, Aunt Duan has become a free nanny for her husband and mother-in-law. She is busy from morning to night and cannot rest, which is even more tiring than going to work. Seeing her husband live a leisure life of clothes and food, Aunt Duan is very angry. It is useless to argue with her husband several times, so she ran away from home and went to join her daughter.
Aunt Duan left less than a week and her husband came and kept apologizing to Aunt Duan, saying that she would definitely change, would take on housework together, and would take care of her mother by herself. Aunt Duan's daughter saw through her father's true thoughts at first glance, and felt that her father would not repent from the bottom of her heart, but Aunt Duan was soft-hearted and went back with her husband.
Unexpectedly, my husband was honest for three days and became the same again. Moreover, my husband took away Aunt Duan’s ID card and hid it. In this way, Aunt Duan wanted to leave, which made Aunt Duan very angry.
knowing mistakes can improve, and knowing mistakes will not be corrected, and it is hopeless. Some people are really not worthy of your being too good to him. If you treat him too well, in his eyes, you are weak and can be bullied.
END.
Today’s topic: Do you have any good suggestions for Aunt He? Welcome to share your views in the comment section.
