You may be counterintuitive when you look at the title. Why do I have to find someone I don’t love to fall in love with? How can the person I don’t love fall in love with? But this is the right way to do it.
If you ask a couple who fall in love at first sight, how love comes about, they may tell you that in the first glance they meet, love comes about.
But you may not know that for this moment, love has been prepared for 200 million years.
In the Triassic more than 200 million years ago, mammals were born. The mammalian brain develops a new organization called the limbic system on the primitive brain of the reptile . This layer of organization brings a whole new function, which is emotion.
With this organization, we can produce emotional activities like love in the future.
If the mammal's limbic system is damaged, it will lose its emotional ability. For example, they will feel compassion for their peers if they are not there. At the same time, you will lose the ability to play with your companions and raise your cubs. And he became cold-blooded and cruel.
After the Triassic period, with the continuous evolution of organisms, some advanced mammals, such as humans, have also evolved a new brain tissue, the neocortex of the brain. This organization is responsible for our rational thinking in the future.
The three-layer brain tissue evolved first, with the strongest strength, and the weakest strength finally evolved. That is, the power of primitive instinct desire is greater than emotion, and the power of emotion is greater than rational thinking.
There is a saying in psychology that aggression is charm, and aggression is the most primitive instinctive desire of animals. A person who is not aggressive is not charming.
The more rational a person is, the less aggressive he is, and the harder it is to gain love.
so why not be an honest and good person? Because honest and good people are rational in suppressing their instinctive desires. This was originally a good thing, but the more suppressed a person's instincts became, the more unreal it seemed. For example, if someone punches you, you feel that although you are not afraid of him, if you are not worth arguing with others, it will turn into war into jade. This itself is good.
But this is contrary to the instinct of animals. Animals’ instinct is to avoid misfortune. If you can beat them, you will fight them. If you can’t beat them, you will run away. Among the sowed animals, the most powerful male is the most aggressive male. It is also the most popular among the opposite sex.
But humans are different. We can suppress the instincts of animals by rational thinking. But the more suppressed the aggressiveness, the more unreal it appears. Things that are unreal feel like they are fake. For example, we all worship saints, who are perfect people constructed by reason. But do saints really exist?
Why do many women prefer successful people? In addition to successful people who can provide the material conditions on which women rely for survival, there is more possibility that successful people can release more aggressiveness than ordinary people without much concern. This will make it more attractive to the opposite sex.
Is love the most primitive instinctive desire?
of course not. Human brain science 's research on love believes that love is an emotional connection. Emotional connection has three characteristics: emotions will be contagious, emotions will affect people's physiological activities, and emotions will shape people's behavior patterns.
and the three characteristics of emotion correspond to the three effects in brain science: edge resonance, edge regulation, and edge correction. The reason why we fall in love with similar people is mainly because emotions shape people's behavior patterns.
Emotions are contagious and easy to understand. For example, when you watch football games at home and listen to concerts, you may not feel very strong, but if you go to the scene, you will feel very different. Even if the football games may not be very exciting, you will also fluctuate because of the emotions of people around you. Other people’s emotions infect you, and this is marginal resonance.
Emotions affect physiological activities: Have you ever heard of the word "couple appearance"?A husband-wife relationship means that two people with intimate relationships influence each other in their long-term lives, so that they have certain convergence in their image and body movements.
You may have heard that an elderly couple was healthy and healthy. An accident took one of them away, and not long after, the other one passed away.
This is actually the negative effect of edge regulation. Our body's physiological indicators will be synchronized with those who have close relationships around us. If this relationship is suddenly interrupted, the individual's physiological rhythm is prone to disorder.
But in turn, this is why people with intimate relationships are more likely to live longer.
As for why we always fall in love with similar people.
Before we said that emotions are not only transmitted between people, but also have a profound impact on our physiological functions. Going further, emotional patterns also shape those who love us and those we love. This kind of shaping is edge correction.
emotional pattern is essentially a memory. Memory is divided into two types, one is explicit memory and the other is implicit memory. If these two memories are difficult to understand, they can be understood as consciousness and subconscious.
Consciousness is our rational thinking, and subconscious is our unconscious thinking beyond our rational thinking.
Maybe everyone thinks that we humans live by reason, and the power of rational thinking is the most powerful.
This is actually wrong. As we mentioned earlier, the three brains of the reptile brain, emotional system, and neocortex evolved from humans, the stronger the strength.
Reason is something we can feel, while emotions and instincts are formed under the subconscious mind. They operate by instinct but have no ability to think, but their power is far greater than rational thinking.
The original instinct is an elephant, and rational thinking is an elephant rider. The original instinct elephant power is much greater than that of an elephant rider
Think about why it is so difficult to lose weight. Don’t you know whether obesity is good? Of course not, rationally, we all know that obesity is not good, easy to get sick, and not good-looking. But most of us have no power to fight against instinct.
Because the power of animal instinct in the subconscious is much greater than rational thinking itself. Love to eat high-sugar and high-fat foods is the most primitive physiological instinct of all our animals. So even if you know that obesity is not good, you still like to eat high sugar and high fat, and you just can't lose weight successfully.
The above examples are to tell everyone that the power of the subconscious mind is much greater than rational thinking.
, and the emotional mode is mainly driven by instinct, that is, driven by implicit memory.
A person’s past experiences shape us day after day, and these happen unconsciously.
When we have an unforgettable love experience, these love experiences will wash away our memories day after day in our subconscious, and eventually form a stable love pattern. Once such a pattern is determined and becomes a template for love experience in our subconscious mind, it is difficult to get rid of.
For example, the legendary scumbag harvester, a girl found a scumbag for the first time, and then she always met scumbag.
Is this girl unable to find a good man? No, it is because in her hidden memory, her love experience with a scumbag has shaped her love pattern and has been fixed. In the future, she will only feel that this is normal if she sees someone who is similar to the previous love pattern.
As for why this happens, because saving energy is one of the instincts of humans and all animals, this is not necessary to think about. So once we do one thing frequently, it will form muscle memory over time. We don’t need to think about this in the future.
Mobilizes the rational ability of thinking and consumes energy. The human brain only accounts for 1/20 of its weight, but its energy consumption reaches 20%. This is still when you are not thinking. Once you start to think rationally, the energy consumption will be even more intense.
Why do girls meet scumbags in the first time in love, and then they always meet scumbags, because the first time in love with scumbags will create a fixed love pattern in their subconscious mind. This love model does not require thinking, it is the most energy-saving body operation mode.
As for whether rational knowledge is good or not, instinct does not consider it. This is why the girl knows that scumbags are not good, but she is like a devil, and she meets scumbags one after another. The same goes for boys here.
So is there a way to get rid of this predicament?
. As we said earlier, people’s emotional patterns will be projected into real life and affect the people around them. Then, on the other hand, other people’s emotional patterns will also affect us. And correct our emotional patterns.
If a person is trapped when his flawed emotional pattern cannot be removed, finding a person with a sound emotional pattern may be the beginning of his unhealthy emotional pattern.
is definitely difficult, because we also said earlier that once our emotional pattern is determined, it will be attracted to a specific type of person.
A person with flawed emotional patterns is also difficult to fall in love with someone with sound emotional patterns.
But as long as we are braver and try to establish relationships with completely different people in the past, their emotional patterns will undergo unprecedented changes in this new relationship, and new experiences will shape our lives like flowing water. Love happens over time.
OK, today's video ends here. Finally, it's a passage from Jung , the founder of the psychoanalysis school, as the ending. Your subconscious mind guides your life, and you call it destiny. But don't be discouraged. When the subconscious mind is presented, fate will be rewritten.
