2
Why do you say that?
Maybe the sisters will jump up and scold me:
You guy has ulterior motives. Do we just left the kang and want to jump into the trap again? Since my divorce, I feel that the sky is wide and the earth is wide, free and no longer subject to restrictions?
But sisters, allow me to ask quietly: Why are you divorced? Is it because a stinky man is greedy and flirting with things outside, or is it because you occasionally miss the situation?
Please forgive my guess. I wonder if there are detailed statistics. It is estimated that among the current divorce cases in my country, the proportion of divorces caused by "infidelity" should be the largest.
According to the analysis of the reasons why older women are single, there are roughly three categories: one is that they miss the best age to talk about marriage because they are busy with school, promotion, and career, the second is that their relationship breaks down due to cheating, and the third is that their partner dies prematurely.
The second reason should account for the majority. Here, I want to mainly talk to these sisters about my heart.
Except for the shorter marriage time, most couples have lived together for several years, and some have children. It can be said that the pillars that maintain marriage and family have changed.
used to focus on passion, appearance, couples' sexual life, etc., which can generally belong to the category of love.
Now the main structure of maintaining a marriage relationship between husband and wife has been transformed into family affection. Both parties focus on family economic income and expenditure, the cultivation of children, the support of the elderly, and livelihood issues such as buying a house, buying a car, and travel. Live together with joys and sorrows, and work together to seek development.
How much money can you make, just be able to have food and clothing without worries. As for the sexual life of couples, they have greatly given way to their livelihoods, almost reaching the point of "dispensable".
According to my small-scale survey, many couples over the age of fifty have already slept in separate beds or even in separate rooms.
There are also many middle-aged couples, and their husbands have basically terminated their sexual life because their husbands are not fake.
However, their marriage relationship is well maintained and their families are harmonious.
It seems that the fundamental reason for divorce between middle-aged couples is not the inconsistency of sexual life, but the breakdown of relationships, and the direct cause of the breakdown of relationships is mostly the cheating of the man.
Here, a contradictory and incredible problem arises:
At home, the husband has no "sex" or even "sexual" towards his wife, but he likes to seek excitement outside, and is full of interest in "sex".
And the wife cannot tolerate the most and cannot forgive the most is the betrayal of the relationship and the cheating of one side.
Because after reaching middle age, the loyalty between husband and wife is mentioned to the supreme position by the wives. They long for equality, respect and care between husband and wife.
Wives generally have this attitude towards men's "infidelity":
Tired of playing enough, yes, it's okay, it's easy to get along, you can divorce, go through the procedures, divide the property, arrange the children, go, and give you freedom. The lights and wine are left to you, and the flowers and wine are left to you.
However, before divorce, you must never steal food outside, otherwise, it will be a divorce.
Because in their opinion, as long as you dare to steal fish outside during the marriage, it is betrayal, a blasphemy to the marriage and an insult to the wife.
This is their red line.
is actually not difficult to understand this seemingly contradictory phenomenon.
Family is the product of private ownership , and marriage is even more exclusive. The monogamous marriage system is a sign that human civilization has developed to a certain stage.
In addition to maintaining social stability, it also fully reflects respect for women and is one of the important manifestations of equality between both parties.
Therefore, when the "information is revealed", any defense or repentance of the party at fault will be pale and powerless and untenable.
Its deep-seated reason is still a manifestation of selfishness and irresponsibility. Being fond of the old and old, seeking excitement, and eating more and taking greed are always the weaknesses of human nature.
However, in this farce of "one game, one dream", the woman who is the victim can only choose to divorce to maintain her self-esteem.
Women who are physically and mentally exhausted and scarred will inevitably become rejected and afraid of marriage.
However, after a long period of healing, you should wipe off the tears, forget the damage, and choose to move forward.
Because, you cannot only see the trees but not the forest, and you cannot deny the beauty of the essence of marriage because of the failure of this marriage. You can't conclude that there are no good men in the world just because of this man's cheating.
Also, human life is only this time. Your first half of your life has failed because of this man's "sin". Will you still have to live a widow for him in the second half of your life?
The rest of my life is still very long. Do you still have to wear the labels of "divorce" and "single woman" and live in the shadow of "divorce"? Is
worth it? Do you keep your integrity for the cheating?
Yes, marriage is a castle. There are troubles in this castle, and there are joys; there are cloudy days and beautiful days; there are quarrels and love.
However, you have to admit that even in a failed marriage, there are many joys, beauty and love.
This is the main theme of family life and the main color of marriage and love.
To be honest, during the days of divorce, I couldn't get out of the mentality of regret, resentment, depression, sorrow, and even humiliation, and inferiority. Although I live in a spacious residence, my heart is like a closed house that is dark and damp. What to do with
? If this happens for a long time, you will get sick and die, and don’t talk about living a peaceful and comfortable life and being happy.
What should I do if I stay in a dark and humid house for a long time?
Trouble and distress, wandering and wandering, suddenly one day, I was enlightened and suddenly realized.
Open the window and let the wind blow in, which can only dispel poisonous gas, but the darkness is still there; hanging the curtains can only bring in a ray of sunshine, which is not enough to dispel the darkness in the entire room. What to do with
?
Go out, go out!
Look outside, the weather is cool and the wind is beautiful.
At this time, you are like a flower tree that has experienced the bitter and colder and becomes more bright, bathed in the bright and warm sunshine.
And remarriage is the "sunshine of heaven and earth" that forgets the past and starts over again.
As divorced women, let alone widowed women? You should forget your sorrow and bravely move towards a happy future.
No matter how good he is, no matter how happy his past marriage is, he has passed away, never come back, never see you again, aren’t you just sad?
Instead of doing this, it is better to start a new life happily. Life is long and short, and it cannot be wasted.
If he really loves you, if he knows you underground, he will smile with relief.
3
Among the older saints, most of them are high-level vocational college students. The spring is white and snowy, and the song is high and the harmony is low.
So, I use "sacred" here instead of "leftover".
wasted the years in confusion and threw the years in the hollow of wandering.
is like Lin Daimei floating in the sky. The situation is quite awkward now.
However, they are still unwilling to face the status quo and are unwilling to fall to the ground.
Don't look at them saying "This is good, I like being alone."
In fact, this is their self-comfort. Under their arrogant appearance, there is unspeakable loneliness, and behind their pretended elegance, there is helpless loneliness.
Can you not be lonely?
Chinese Tang Dynasty poet Li Bai has already spoken very deeply and vividly:
Draw a knife to cut off the water and water flows more, and raise a glass to drown the sorrow and sorrow is even more sad.
People are animals gathered. One person is alone, but only in shape; two people Being a couple, two into pairs; three of them work together.
The couple is a couple. With them as the core, they form a family.
There is a couple in the family, just like a poem has a "dual", a symphony of firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, tea, vinegar, pots and pans, and a monotonous and tedious marriage life becomes lively and fragrant and interesting.
Like other animals, people need to consume matter to maintain the operation of the living organism;
But people are different from other animals, and need to communicate with each other and resonate with their hearts.
Yesterday, in order to write this article, I went online to search for marriage topics, and I actually saw such a "fairy tale":
The general meaning of this article is that with the development of modern technology, such as the continuous update of artificial robots, people can not get married, and buying a robot wife when they go home will be OK. It also mentions artificial skin, and its feel, temperature, etc. are almost fake and real.
I couldn't help but laugh. Even if the technology is high with fake and real, isn't it still a robot?
Even if it has electricity temperature, it is related to the human body. Is the temperature the same? Even if it has a set language program, can it speak freely with you "walking around thousands of miles, heart rushing Baji "?
. Lover, lover who lives day and night, even if you cannot have a good understanding of you, mountains and flowing water, at least you can communicate with you, chat with you, eat and sleep together, and go out for a walk together. The words, actions and feelings of both parties can be adjusted, synchronized, and resonated.
Therefore, no one wants to be lonely, and he doesn't like loneliness, especially loneliness in helplessness. It is like a colorless, tasteless and invisible poison gas, quietly eroding your internal organs and six lungs in subtle influence, and damaging your physical health.
This kind of loneliness is not silence, and this kind of loneliness is not solitude.
cannot make them the main melody of your life, let alone make them the complete tense of your life.
So, I advise you to enter your marriage and family as soon as possible.
This is you, and it is also the best destination we should actively pursue.
I wish you all your wishes come true and you will be happy for the rest of your life.
4
Maybe after reading this, you will sneer at me: Humph, it doesn’t hurt when you stand and speak.
To be honest, I have been divorced for many years and I am still alone.
are both people who fall into the world. Therefore, I have a deep experience and insight, and can chat with you with your heart.
Of course, I also know that remarrying is difficult. It's harder than climbing to the blue sky.
Moreover, once you are bitten by a snake, you will be beaten with a rope for ten years. Even fearful for life.
Because divorce has caused too much harm to people. Both physical and mental injuries, and both people and money are injured.
A failure in a marriage may ruin your happiness in life, not just the first half of your life.
Because of this, it requires treatment.
Digging trees and roots, and treating "diseases" must also be cured.
Where did you fall and get up.
No matter how sad this hurdle is, we must also overcome it.
"Thousands of sails pass by the side of the sunken boat, and the willows and flowers are brighter and brighter."
As for how to move past and how to manage a new marriage and family after stepping past, if you are interested, we will continue to discuss it.
I plan to write some text around the above questions recently. You are welcome to continue to pay attention and give guidance. Thanks! I wish you good luck and happiness.
