01. Readers write to
There is an outrageous story around you. My friend has been married for four years and has never left the town alone. Even during the most basic period, you can't enter .
The husband repeatedly emphasized that this is for her good and instilled a pathological idea: it is different after marriage, and there will be no friends again after marriage, and he should stay at home honestly.
She said: " My last female friend was deleted by him ."
That time she asked me to go shopping, and he followed me throughout the journey.
During the four years, I have never traveled far away, never left his home, and told my relatives that I want to go to work, but I have become what others say is lazy.
But his husband does not allow all this. Actually, I am not lazy. It’s just that my husband doesn’t let me go out and doesn’t let me have contact with others . Even if my QQ is not afraid to send messages randomly, he will look through my chat history every morning. "
Because I don't have a friend and have never talked about my heart, it's nothing. Later, I played well with me and she told me about her affairs.
She even thinks that such a life is normal, I told her that this is equivalent to house arrest .
If you don’t have her now, you will know nothing about where to go, what to do, who to contact, and who to cry. Women should be independent and should not accept this kind of treatment.
I just said to ask your husband to change it. This method is wrong. Although you get married, people are free.
also I don't know what happened. His husband backed up the chat history he deleted, so he yelled at her hysterically:
I'm not for this family, why do you think it's a bad time to have no friends?
I told you not to work, isn't it good? I just want you not to go out, because you have to know how to behave when you get married, how can you go out to play?
She told me that she was very scared because her husband was going to take back his phone for this matter . Don't contact me recently. I'm looking for you when he is happy one day.
I want to hear Brother Kai's opinion, because she was scolded, I blame myself if I was wrong, but I think marriage is not a cage. Looking forward to reply!
02. Kaizi replied to
Hello girl, when you saw your letter, there are third person and first person, I can’t figure out whether it is your friend’s story or your own story.
And you also mentioned in your letter that this girl even had the last female friend deleted by her husband, so how do you contact her?
But since you say it is a story of a friend, then just treat it as a story of a friend.
Let’s first sort out the characteristics of these couples.
Husband: strong desire to control and prevent your wife from contacting the outside world.
Wife: weak personality, silently accepting the control and arrangements of her husband.
On the surface, this man seems to be too much. Brainwash your wife and make your wife sick.
But let's take a look at what kind of people are easily brainwashed.
1. People who don't know enough
The most important ability of a person is not how many books he read and how much money he can earn, but has ". Self-knowledge ”, can understand yourself clearly.
know what advantages and shortcomings you have, and know where you lack abilities. can rationally judge your own value .
Some people overestimate themselves and are prone to hit walls everywhere, while some people always underestimate themselves, and they are prone to fall into the trap of being brainwashed.
2. People who lack love in their hearts
A person who has not been loved since childhood will form a subtle concept, She will never believe that others love her to not feel that she is worthy of being loved .
This makes it easy for others to find opportunities to take advantage of. The other party will create the illusion that only I love you, and if you lose me, I will no longer be loved.
A woman who lacks love has to accept the other party’s unreasonable requests in order to maintain this relationship, and in the end, she was completely brainwashed.
3. People with blurred boundaries
cannot distinguish the boundaries between themselves and others. The inner energy is extremely weak, and they are particularly unconfident and dare not establish a sense of boundaries.
is easily influenced by other people's beliefs and ideas, allowing others to manipulate themselves.
4. People with low self-esteem
Since childhood, they have lived in a harsh environment, often criticized and denied by parents, and are rarely recognized, praised and praised. itself has already developed a bad idea of itself. When a person like
encounters a situation he has figured out when he is an adult, the negative pattern of the past will be reactivated, and she will return to the past pattern of questioning herself, feeling that she is a person who can do nothing.
I have summarized these 4 points. Have you noticed that the fundamental reason why my husband can manipulate her is that her is not confident, has low self-esteem, and has a low sense of value. makes her willing to be manipulated.
In this case, someone wants to help her, just like there is a saying that says " No one can wake her up ". You can't help her.
Because her cognition, self-esteem and values were not established overnight, but were the result of being shaped for decades.
People can always change only if they want to change, not if others want her to change it, and it is possible to change it if others want her to change it.
I don’t know how you think of such a husband-and-wife relationship. Do you think this may change, so how can you change it?
Welcome to talk about your views and opinions in the comment section below.
If you also realize that you are being manipulated in relationships and want to change and get rid of them, can send a private message to me and find me . I will help you analyze where the problem is and teach you what to do.
