text/Bai Xiaolu
A female psychologist’s way of “controlling” her husband. When you see this title, you may also think of it. What I share today is a true story, the story of Mr. An and me.
Mr. An can be said to have been picked up by me on the road. The most important thing for a halfway couple is not passion, but running-in. It is true that it is easy to fall in love but difficult to get along with.
When I met Mr. An, he was a very difficult person to "get". He seems gentle, warm and considerate. As I got closer, I discovered that there were many thorns hidden on his body. Just like hedgehog , they originally wanted to hug each other for warmth, but they are easily stung when they get close.
He was very picky at that time, and he often looked at me and found me uncomfortable. And what? He doesn't like to express himself, he doesn't express his thoughts directly, and he always gets emotional for no reason. Sometimes you can't quarrel even if you want to, because people ignore you! I'm so angry that my liver hurts!
As time goes by, I feel that he is becoming less and less interested in me, and we are drifting apart. As for me, when I think about the aspects of him that attracted me in the first place, I feel that I should work harder to get used to him.
I don’t want to let things go like this. How can I let the man I like run away so easily? Haha ~
As a psychological counselor, of course I will not just look at superficial phenomena. I know that the problems that appear are not big problems. The key problem is actually the psychological distance between us.
Only when you open your heart can the other person live in you and love last forever. The golden rule of interpersonal communication is: treat others how you want others to treat you.
So, there is -
The first step: take the initiative to communicate
Communication is not just about expressing, but more importantly, listening. Communication requires not only language, but also non-verbal communication, such as eyes, expressions, body contact, etc. I believe in the power of sincerity, and sincerity can be exchanged for frankness.
As my communication with Mr. An became more and more open and in-depth, I gradually understood his thoughts and needs. Then I realized that his previous pattern was: With our relationship, I don’t need to say it, you should understand it!
Please, no one in this world is born to understand you, right? Even biological parents can’t do it! Tang Seng said it well: Do you want ? If you want it, just say it. How will I know you want it if you don't say it? Therefore, communication is really important.
But communication alone is not enough, you also need an attitude.
Step 2: Unconditionally accept
Acceptance is not necessarily recognition, but understanding. It is empathy and knowing why he thinks so and does what he does.
Positive psychology instructor Shahar said in the famous "Harvard Happiness Course": "The positive interaction in a relationship is understanding, not recognition." Recognition is value judgment, and understanding is seeing and accepting the true nature of each other.
's unconditional acceptance gives the other person a full sense of security, and the attitude itself is nourishing.
In this safe nourishment, Mr. An explored and reflected a lot more on himself and relationships. His mentality became more and more peaceful, and the thorns on his body became less and less, and our relationship naturally became closer and closer.
We talk about love between husband and wife, there is kindness first, then there is love ! Mr. An is very grateful to me for not choosing to give up at the beginning, for my initiative and full acceptance.
He said, I am like a container, tolerating him, holding him up, and giving him stable support, so Mr. An's heart has really settled down.
will definitely give birth to wisdom . With concentration, we will be more practical in life and work, and our love will be more stable.
Therefore, I think the so-called way of "controlling" a husband is not to control it, but to fulfill it.
Now, we are not only husband and wife, but also each other's best friends. We support each other and grow together. Just like now, he is sitting in the audience and encouraging me with his practical actions!
Thanks to Mr. An for taking the initiative to apply to be my material and make this speech possible for me.I also want to thank him for his unconditional support in my studies along the way!
share our story here, just to tell everyone: learning psychology can really improve our lives, take the initiative in a happy marriage, and run a harmonious and beautiful small family.
Therefore, I suggest you learn some psychology if you have time. Of course, the best way is to sit in the class of Qingdao New Sunshine Institute of Psychology, like me, and listen to the psychological practice classes taught by Mr. Li Kefu, a well-known psychological expert in daocheng.
So a year later, maybe you will be like me, standing in the lecture hall of the psychology lecturer competition and telling us your story.
Note: Compiled based on the lecture notes of my friend Bai Xiaolu from the New Sunshine Psychological Training Competition.
editor/mountain clear stream
