author/Tongyu
I have never understood that in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, some mothers-in-law take the lead in treating their daughter-in-law as an imaginary enemy before the relationship begins, and want to suppress her. What exactly are they thinking?
In fact, the secret to a good mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is simply four words: Respect each other.
From the perspective of a daughter-in-law, when most people enter into a marriage, they definitely still want to run a good business, live in harmony, and create a happy family atmosphere together.
However, after really getting into this relationship, some people may find that things are counterproductive. It turns out that many things are not just what you want, nor are you sure to develop in this direction just because you think about it. To put it bluntly, no one can change other people's ideas. The only person
can control is himself.
A good friend of mine, before she got married, she thought about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in a very simple way. She thought that if you are good to me, I will be good to you. If everyone has this kind of thinking, they will naturally get along very well with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
After she got married, she discovered that this was not the case at all.
Her mother-in-law has never had this kind of mentality, and there is no word respect in the dictionary. Instead, she blindly believes that if she does not establish her authority in front of her daughter-in-law at the beginning, she will basically only be bullied later.
This is the experience her mother-in-law summed up from her previous interactions with her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Naturally, she also brought this kind of thinking into the principles she needs to follow when she becomes a mother-in-law.
Therefore, it is conceivable that there will be many conflicts between them. Her mother-in-law always has a critical attitude when facing her. What she is best at is finding her mistakes, and then pretending to say them in a casual tone, and comparing them with her own past.
She soon discovered a particularly distressing fact: Her mother-in-law minded that she had not experienced the hardships she had experienced back then, and was also afraid that she would enjoy blessings that she had not experienced.
After she realized this, she also had some estrangement in her attitude towards her mother-in-law, and was unable to be truly nice to her. She just wanted to keep her husband's face, maintain basic respect, and not speak too harshly. Also be careful not to completely tear your skin off.
To be honest, it is quite chilling and regretful that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has reached this point. If they had changed the way they got along, the two people at the beginning might have gone in a completely different direction.
It’s just that many mothers-in-law don’t realize this.
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will never be as good as the relationship between mother and daughter. The most basic point is: No matter what kind of conflict there is between mother and daughter, they will not hold grudges against each other, but the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is different, even if it is a small one. As long as two people are unhappy, a knot will be formed in their hearts.
The birth of a knot will affect the way two people get along with each other in the future, so the conflicts will continue to accumulate on this basis until it is finally overturned and difficult to recover. Even if you want to recover, it is already difficult.
I once had a friend who had something like this happen to me.
Now, she and her husband have been married for almost four years. She has never really called her mother-in-law "Mom". Whenever it comes to calling her mother-in-law, she deliberately skips it and calls her mother-in-law directly if she has something to do. Just say something.
Of course, apart from this, she is still very good to her mother-in-law in other aspects. She is never vague about what she should do and the etiquette she should perform. No fault can be found.
Therefore, in the eyes of outsiders, she is praised as a good and filial daughter-in-law.
In her heart, what she can do now is to simply respect her mother-in-law as an elder. If her mother-in-law needs her help with anything, she will do her best and never refuse.
At the same time, she could clearly feel the alienation between herself and her mother-in-law. She didn't want to deliberately pretend to be close to avoid embarrassment to both of them.
Her kindness to her mother-in-law is mainly for her husband's sake. She doesn't want to embarrass her husband, let alone affect their marriage because of the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so she has compromised a lot.
The conflict between her and her mother-in-law was completely revealed at the wedding. Originally, her mother-in-law had always disagreed with her marriage to her husband, mainly because she thought she was not worthy of her son. Her husband had graduated from a graduate school, and she had only attended a junior college.
Therefore, she understood her mother-in-law's opinion from the beginning, because she had already clearly felt her mother-in-law's dissatisfaction with her. Regarding this, her mother-in-law never pretended, but actually showed it in her actions.
However, her husband is an independent person and his parents cannot make decisions for him, so their wedding is still held as scheduled.
Her mother-in-law therefore transferred this dissatisfaction to her, believing that her appearance caused her originally filial son to begin to disobey her.
So, at the wedding, her mother-in-law gave her a warning. The red envelopes for mother-in-law and father-in-law are different. The mother-in-law's red envelope only contains 100 yuan, but the father-in-law's red envelope contains 1,000 yuan. Her mother-in-law used this way to express her disapproval, which pushed the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law into an awkward situation at the beginning of the marriage.
Fortunately, she and her husband lived alone after marriage, so she did not have much contact with her mother-in-law.
On the surface, they seemed to be in peace, but the inner estrangement existed vaguely in each other's hearts after this incident.
From the perspective of an outsider, I think that although as a parent, you can definitely provide your own opinions on your child's marriage, if the child is an independent person and the marriage is basically a foregone conclusion, the mother-in-law will still pick on the daughter-in-law. Essentially destroying his son's happiness.
At this time, in the competition between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, what will happen even if she wins? In a win-win or lose-lose situation, any complacency in thinking that you have won will turn into more negative consequences later, harming the common interests. This is especially true in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
As a mother-in-law, if you don’t understand this truth and correct your mentality, you will never be able to find the truly correct answer in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
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