Recently, a Japanese TV station interviewed 100 women who live alone and asked them to tell them the most difficult daily things for a person to do. The lowest level is for one person to sing karaoke, go to a family restaurant, watch a movie, or eat conveyor belt sushi;

In the course of our lives, the word "loneliness" has never left us.

When was the loneliest moment you felt?

Recently, a Japanese TV station interviewed 100 women who live alone and asked them to tell the most difficult daily things for a person to do.

The lowest level is for one person to sing karaoke, go to a family restaurant, watch movies, and eat conveyor belt sushi;

The second level is for one person to eat at a buffet and take a sauna;

The third level is for one person to bowl, go to the zoo, and Camping;

The fourth level is for a person to go to high-end sushi restaurants, clubs, sea bathing, and festival performances;

The highest level is for a person to go to Disneyland and eat a full meal of French cuisine.

There are many "lonely figures" captured in the program. Some people enjoy the quiet time sitting alone on the beach at dusk; some people are tired of maintaining daily interpersonal relationships and go to the dessert buffet alone to be healed by sweets.

Schopenhauer once said: "We bear all misfortunes because we cannot bear to be alone."

There are three states of loneliness.

The first one is feeling anxious, confused, careless about everything, and trying to escape from loneliness;

The second one is gradually getting used to loneliness, settling down, establishing an order of life, and using reading, writing or other things to drive away loneliness;

The third one is loneliness It has become a poetic soil and an opportunity for creation, inducing profound thoughts and experiences about existence, life, and self.

Zhou Guoping wrote in " Life is rich in loneliness " : "Being alone is an ability that is not possessed by anyone at any time.

Zhou Guoping | Zhejiang People's Publishing House

has this ability. It does not mean that you no longer feel lonely, but that you are content with loneliness and make it productive."

Some people say: There are three states of loneliness. The mediocre people know loneliness and cannot get out of it; the progressive people are willing to be lonely and taste loneliness; the outstanding people have the courage. Loneliness, beyond loneliness.

To transcend loneliness, you need a little courage to live in isolation, a little selfish gene, and the ability to enjoy yourself. Only with the above will you find that loneliness is a great gift from life.

Writer Mo Yan was naughty and mischievous when he was in elementary school. He dropped out of school in the fifth grade. He could not do other farm work and could only herd cattle and sheep for the family.

Mo Yan said: "Children always like to be in groups. Other children are studying in school. Although they can't read much, they have fun playing together.

But I was holding a cow by myself in front of the school gate. I passed by and saw children of the same age happily in school. Moreover, I feel very lonely when I am outside the group. "

If I want to communicate, I can only communicate with animals and plants, and I also like to read alone. .

But the so-called book was a badly thumbed " Xinhua Dictionary ", and later I got a " Compendium of General History of China ".

Later he joined the army. He worked as a librarian for four years and finally had access to a large number of books. He read all the more than 1,000 literature books in the library, as well as some history books and philosophy books.

The lonely time in his childhood affected his later writing and also affected his life.

When we think of the feeling when we are alone, it is often related to these three words: loneliness, loneliness, and boredom.

Zhou Guoping believes that loneliness is a soul worthy of understanding that seeks understanding but cannot find it, it is tragic;

boredom is an empty soul that seeks entertainment but cannot find it, it is comic;

and loneliness is the pursuit of ordinary The world is warm and unavailable, it is neutral.

Many people confuse them. They think it's boredom but they think it's loneliness.

From a psychological point of view, people need to be alone in order to achieve inner integration.

The so-called integration is to put the new experience into an appropriate position in the inner memory. Only through this integration process can the external knowledge and experience be digested by the self, and the "self" can become an existing person. An independent and growing system.

Therefore, the ability to be alone is the way to judge whether a person has his "self".

When you are alone, do you feel bored and unbearable, or do you feel peaceful, fulfilled and satisfied?

There are some people in the world who are most afraid of being alone.

Let them stay alone for a while, which is simply a kind of torture for them.

As long as they have free time, they must find a place to relax, turn on the TV and mobile phones, and the purpose of doing this is to avoid seeing themselves face to face.

Zhou Guoping said: "I can only have one explanation for this, that is, even they themselves feel their own poverty. It is very meaningless to stay with such a poor self, and even boring pastimes are much more interesting than this.

The result of this is that they become more and more impoverished and less and less themselves, forming a vicious circle."

However, not all forms of being alone are beneficial.

Playing games, watching TV series, and browsing on mobile phones are all powerful tools for "killing time", but these things will only make people indulge in a closed world, making people become more and more lazy and passive.

They cannot control their behavior, but are led by their desires.

Useful solitude must be voluntary.

For example, everyone at home has gone out and you are left at home alone; you originally made an appointment with a friend, but they let you go. When we are alone at this time, we often feel resentful and feel abandoned, which is incompatible with happiness.

Voluntary solitude is to create conditions for yourself to be alone. In this case, you will focus on your own experience, rather than other people's eyes.

When you actively and voluntarily spend time alone, reading, dazing, thinking, and watching the scenery can all make you calm and rejuvenate, and you will also enjoy the process of being alone quietly.

Being alone also requires concentration. When a person is fully immersed in what he is doing at the moment and forgets himself, he will feel happy.

When a person concentrates on cooking a meal, he will feel the smoothness and softness of the dough, feel the fresh texture of vegetables of different colors, and enjoy the beauty of life from scratch, injecting joy into being alone.

Carnegie wrote in "The Weaknesses of Human Nature": " I have summarized three methods that can enable us to discover ourselves and make ourselves unique: arrange alone time for ourselves every day, strive to break the bad habits that constrain ourselves, and use fanaticism to Pursue your goals with excitement. ”

Carve out a small amount of time each day to be alone, without any outside interference, and you can enjoy a relaxing and nourishing time.

If you want to have a better job, read professional books and improve yourself when you are alone;

If you want to have a waistcoat line, mermaid line, exercise when you are alone;

If you want to have a skill, a Learn a new skill when you are alone;

If you want to be a person with a rich heart and an open mind, read poetry, prose, and biographies when you are alone...

The feeling of loneliness when you are alone can give us a "super vision" ”, making your senses sharper and increasing your sensitivity to everyday things that are easily overlooked at ordinary times.

When you are alone, you can hear the sound of leaves falling more clearly, and you can smell the fragrance of flowers deeply.

When you learn to be alone and can enjoy solitude, you find space for your soul to grow, withdraw from others and the noise, and return to yourself.

"Music Poet" Li Jian once said: " Yu Hua is my favorite Chinese writer, because I have read every article he wrote, including letters to others. is the best novel. It is " shouting in the drizzle" "