The increasing divorce rate shows that it is becoming more and more difficult to stabilize and maintain marriages in modern society. In fact, conflicts and disputes in marriage are inevitable. Those who have thought of divorce during the marriage, or clamored for divorce during quarrels and disputes. , there are many cases, but not necessarily all will lead to divorce. Marriage is inherently a process for two couples from different family backgrounds, values, and living habits to adjust to each other. During the adjustment process, maladaptation, relationship rifts, and troughs are inevitable.
If you want to successfully save and repair your marriage
For example, when a spouse has an affair, when a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law are seriously at odds, when a husband violently beats his wife, when a spouse is addicted to bad habits such as gambling and alcoholism, or when the family is in financial crisis, these events may have a negative impact on the marriage. When there is a major rift in the relationship, how to go through the dark valley of the marriage relationship and how to repair the relationship after the crisis event not only affects the quality of the relationship, but also affects whether the marriage can continue to be maintained. Here are several points of view that are helpful for relationship repair for reference:
1. Have the courage to face problems and talk about them:
Don’t want to lose your marriage and family easily
Disputes and conflicts in marital relationships are inevitable experiences. The health of a marital relationship often lies not in the frequency of disputes and conflicts between husband and wife, but in the attitude and method of facing problems between husband and wife. According to research, if one party in a couple adopts an avoidant and defensive attitude when facing a problem, the other party will feel disrespected and powerless, and will feel more angry and uncomfortable. Although avoidance coping strategies may be able to avoid Head-on conflict maintains a false harmony on the surface, but it does not help solve the problem, and the accumulated results of emotional suppression are likely to explode over trivial matters, which will be more lethal.
For example, when the husband has an affair or is suspected of having an affair, the wife will be eager to clarify the truth and understand the whole story, and her emotional reaction will be intense. If the cheater blindly adopts a defensive and evasive attitude and is unwilling to face it, the wife will be even more crazy. , even if the emotional reaction is suppressed by the husband, it will never be healed. The suppressed emotions and the shadow of distrust will continue to shroud, causing destruction in the heart. Not only the wife is severely damaged physically and mentally, but also the relationship between husband and wife and the family relationship are also affected. She must have been severely abused. The longer she evades, the more deeply her wife will be hurt and the relationship will become even more estranged.
2. The problems that lead to rifts in the marital relationship must be improved or solved to some extent:
If the husband violently beats his wife and becomes a habitual event, or the problem of extramarital affairs persists or occurs repeatedly, it will be very difficult for the relationship between the husband and wife to be repaired. Difficult, because if the marriage relationship is maintained by one party in a compromising way, it would be too cruel, and it is difficult to expect the quality of the marriage relationship. Unless the core issues that tear apart the relationship between husband and wife can be improved or solved to some extent, or the possibility of improvement in the future is expected, then the repair of the marital relationship can only be optimistically expected.
For example, a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law are seriously at odds, and the wife has been grievance-bearing and repressed for a long time. The husband and wife often have disputes and conflicts over this, and there are cracks in the relationship. If the maintenance of the marriage is based on the wife's unilateral humiliation, tolerance, and repression, it is extremely unfair and cruel. The quality of the marital relationship is bound to be low and unsatisfactory. If you want to make repairs, the husband must show sincerity in improving the problem and take specific actions to alleviate and improve the problem. For example, the husband communicates to his mother-in-law that the wife is the one who takes the lead in the child's discipline, so that the mother-in-law can take the initiative to intervene in the child's discipline and improve it; or It is expected that the future can be improved, such as the couple trying to save money and planning to buy a house by themselves and move out to live separately from the parents-in-law. Otherwise, when there is no opportunity and hope for improvement of the problem, long-term suppressed emotions will inevitably explode, or they may be heartbroken and determined to separate. .
3. Wounds that have been injured require time and patience to heal, and tolerance is indispensable:
If the husband has had an affair, even if the affair has stopped and the relationship with the third party has been interrupted, during the period of repairing the relationship, the wife becomes pregnant because of the husband’s affair. The cut wound cannot heal so quickly. The shadow of insecurity and distrust left by the traumatic experience of the wife will still hang over her heart for a long time, and because of the insecurity and distrust in her heart, The derived worry and fear can easily lead to suspicion. Whenever there is any disturbance, it is easy to interpret it in the direction of the husband's affair, making one's emotions become irritable and unstable, and one often finds the husband to quarrel and vent his anger. This is the so-called "emotional button" effect. That is to say, when you have had a traumatic experience, you will develop psychological sensitivity and vulnerability. When you encounter similar or suspected situations or events in real life, you will automatically connect to your past traumatic experience, triggering intense emotions.
For example, when the husband comes home late and cannot contact anyone, when the return time from a business trip is delayed than originally expected, when the phone rings at home and the wife automatically hangs up the phone as soon as she picks up the receiver, these situations, even if there has never been an affair, the couple When there is a good mutual trust relationship, there will be no problem. However, if the wife is left with a shadow of distrust due to her husband’s previous affair, it will cause her to automatically connect these experiences with the traumatic experience of her husband’s previous affair, automatically and unconsciously. Interpreted in the direction of an affair, past emotions are easily evoked again. Not only does the wife suffer personally, but the husband also feels innocent and fights back. Disputes and conflicts ensue, and this pattern of quarrels is repeated in real life.
Save a marriage that is about to be divorced
Another example is a wife who has been oppressed and mistreated by her mother-in-law. Even if the couple has moved out and no longer lives with her parents-in-law, or the problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have improved, in real life in the future , the mother-in-law's "care" for the couple is often interpreted as "interference" by the wife and she is displeased, and seeks out her husband to vent her anger. This is because the mother-in-law's "care" behavior makes the wife automatically connect to past traumatic experiences, just like The wife's "emotional buttons" are touched and cause uncomfortable emotions. The husband will think that the wife's reaction is excessive and unreasonable, so the two parties will argue. The wife further interprets the husband's behavior as taking the side of her mother-in-law and herself. Not being respected, understood and supported makes them even more angry, and the flames of war get out of hand, causing the same quarrels between couples to be repeated in real life, putting the repair of the relationship between husband and wife in trouble.
After a wound breaks in the relationship between husband and wife, it absolutely takes time to heal and repair it, because this sensitive and fragile wound forms a personal "emotional button". If it is touched accidentally or unintentionally, it may cause intense violence. Emotional reactions cause the couple to have arguments again. Therefore, during the period of relationship repair, the husband should accept his wife's emotional reactions with patience and tolerance, and gradually heal the wounds with specific changes.
4. Be willing to spend time communicating and accompanying each other:
Managing a relationship definitely takes time, and communication is indispensable. Both spouses should give high priority to getting along and communicating with each other in time planning and arrangements. In terms of order, it is especially needed in the process of repairing the relationship after a rift occurs in the marital relationship.
When it comes to communication, it is necessary to understand that men and women have very different communication habits and emotional expression methods. For example, when men grow up, they are taught and expected to control their emotions and emotions, and are encouraged to think rationally. Demonstrating abilities and achievements in communication is often a potentially important motivation for communication, and women are more encouraged to express their emotions and pursue emotional communication and relationship intimacy during communication. Therefore, wives will expect their husbands to The wife can express her inner thoughts and feelings more and expects to have close and frequent verbal interactions with her husband. This is in line with the so-called intimate relationship of the wife. However, the husband is used to controlling and seldom delving into inner emotions and feelings, and thinks that they are very close if they live together. Frequent communication Verbal communication and emotional interaction are not important. Instead, they seek to demonstrate their ability and appear authoritative in communication. As a result, the couple often feels frustrated due to the gap in communication motives and methods.
Many research results have also confirmed that if a husband can have more verbal communication and emotional support with his wife, the wife can feel higher marital satisfaction. Therefore, if the husband and wife can arrange more leisure life that they can participate in together, Increasing the time that two people can talk and share together can have a good effect on repairing the relationship between husband and wife.
Conclusion: There is a saying: "No success of a person can make up for the failure of marriage". Whether you agree with this point of view or not, it seems to point out an important concept, that is, marriage and family life are a person's life. The very priority needs and desires in the heart are a person's emotional belonging and spiritual resting place, and are an important cornerstone of the psychological security at the bottom of life. They cannot be replaced by career or other achievements.
Marriage relationships are worthy of our careful management. Even if unfortunately the marriage relationship has hit rock bottom and there has been a rift crisis, through the repair of the relationship in the future, a satisfactory married life can still be expected, although the repair process often still has ups and downs. , there are many hard ways to go, but it is definitely worth the effort, and when the marriage relationship rises again from the fall, the solid sense of belonging and joy will be the most important source of strength to support life moving forward.
