Confession: Hello, Mom Taozi, I really hope you can give me some advice. My wife and I are on the verge of divorce now. My wife wants a divorce, but I don't agree. I love her very much, and my son is only three months old now. I hope that my son can grow up in a happy family. The

confide:

Hello Mom, I really hope you can give me some advice.

My wife and I are on the verge of divorce now. My wife wants a divorce, but I don't agree.

I love her very much, and my son is only three months old now. I hope that my son can grow up in a happy family.

The conflicts between my wife and I and the two families will be discussed in several paragraphs.

Before getting married, the two families actually had some conflicts.

One is that my mother-in-law proposed a gift of 0 million , but our family did not counter-offer. I think they will leave this money to our little family.

But in the end my father-in-law and mother-in-law did not leave any gift money to us, and did not give us any dowry when we got married.

My parents complained, but they only complained to me. As long as we can live well, there is no need to talk about it (This time my wife quarreled with my dad, but my dad still didn’t mention it) .

Our wedding was jointly organized. I spent most of the money on the wedding, spending a lot of my savings. I quit my job just before getting married, so our family's financial situation was not good after the marriage.

When we were discussing marriage, my dad once said that a classmate was a hotel manager and could get discounted prices.

But later my dad found out that the classmate had stopped working. My mother-in-law said this matter several times, saying that my dad was talking big words and not doing things. I was also labeled with this label.

When I was in a relationship, I once said that I made a lot of money from stocks during that period. In the future, if I make more money from stocks, I will be able to buy a house (I later lost all my money due to improper operation).

In this matter, my mother-in-law later said that I was a big talker like my father and was cheating on marriage , which left a very bad impression on me.

Before getting married, my wife sprained her foot, which was quite serious. After getting married, I wanted to stay at home and take care of her for a while, and then I would go to work when she was done.

As a result, my mother broke her back again . After discussing with my parents, I decided that I would continue to take care of my mother at home for a while before looking for a job.

Because my father earns a high salary, my parents help with my family’s financial expenses. My parents pay for our daily living expenses as a couple. My wife’s salary is basically used to buy the clothes and cosmetics she needs. Category.

During this period, my wife was pregnant , so I took care of my mother and my wife at the same time.

My wife has urged me to go to work, but if I go to work, no one will take care of my mother, and no one will cook or do housework at home.

In addition, my mother’s waist has not improved yet, so we discussed it as a couple and decided that I would stay at home to take care of my wife until she is pregnant.

We often quarrel over trivial matters.

First of all, she thought my words were too frivolous. When I was chatting with my parents, I mentioned that she wanted to work the night shift so that she could make more money. Later, my dad chatted with her and told her not to work the night shift. She was pregnant now, so working the night shift was too hard and she couldn't make much money.

This incident caused the first big quarrel. My wife felt that my father looked down on her by saying this, and she also thought that I liked to pass on messages to my parents.This matter got to my mother-in-law, who also felt that my father looked down on my wife.

Another thing is that my wife said that she sometimes cooks with me when she comes home from get off work. I did not cook the meals in advance.

But in fact, it was quite fun to cook with her in the kitchen during that time, which enhanced our relationship, but this My mother-in-law thought that my wife was pregnant and I still let her work , saying that I was abused her, treated her like a maid, and said I was lazy.

Another thing is that my wife had a low-grade fever once during pregnancy. My parents asked me what was going on without asking my wife directly in person. My wife felt that my parents were indifferent to her..

Because of this matter, my wife always felt that I was defending my parents and did not see the injustice she suffered.

After this quarrel, my parents began to talk less to my wife , for fear that saying too much would cause more misunderstandings.

In addition, my mother is retired and is an introvert and doesn’t like to talk. My wife feels that my parents are indifferent to her.

In the early days of marriage, my wife would buy something when she saw what our family was lacking, such as buying a mobile phone holder for my parents, and buying a mop when the bathroom floor was wet after taking a shower.

We have been living together for a while. My mother saw that she had some bad living habits and wanted me to tell her to pay attention to her.

For example, the lights are turned on when no one is in the room, the kettle is turned on without the lid on, and sometimes the floor is not mopped after taking a shower. My wife felt that my mother was targeting her.

After that, my wife would sometimes quarrel with me about these things. During the quarrel, she would throw pillows and scold me and my parents.

When I got angry, I once said other pregnant women can do things when they are pregnant, why can’t you do ? This sentence still bothers her to this day.

The conflict between us still lies in every holiday.

She hopes to receive gifts, but giving gifts is really a headache. On the one hand, I now spend my parents' money, and on the other hand, it takes a lot of time and energy to give me something.

The gift was too casual and she felt that I didn’t care about her. It was very perfunctory and she would get angry.

She thinks that the festival is a day to express love. It should have a sense of ritual and add fun to life. It has to start preparations a month in advance. Sometimes she gets very angry when she knows that I start preparations more than a week in advance.

Later, when my wife wanted to give birth, my mother's waist healed slowly due to osteoporosis, and she was not very healthy yet. My mother-in-law took the initiative to come to the hospital to help .

This time my help caused a big quarrel again, and it was my fault.

My wife gave birth in the winter. When my mother-in-law came, she was and looked at me in all kinds of ways. One person said I couldn’t do it and that one said I couldn’t do it. She also ridiculed I am an undergraduate, so smart and powerful.

I couldn't control my emotions at the time, I just said you can go home and I'll do it .

My mother-in-law started scolding me for being heartless and ungrateful. My wife also felt that what I said was too much.

My mother-in-law came to help me, and she was taking care of our grandson. My mother was still lazy at home, and I said unscrupulous things.

I knew I had gone too far, so I apologized first. But my mother-in-law recalled that when she came last night, I didn’t ask my parents to send another quilt, and she became even more angry.

Then he started scolding my parents all kinds of unpleasant and dirty words.

The last quarrel was at her house. During the time I was resting at home, I was recharging my batteries in preparation for applying for jobs after the new year.

My wife has not been back to her parents’ home for a long time after giving birth to a child, and she wants to go back and live with me for a while. When I went home this time, I understood that my mother-in-law wanted me to spend more time studying while she cooked. I was very grateful and wanted to find a job as soon as possible.

It turns out that going home was a wrong decision. A few days after returning home, my mother-in-law began to hate me for not going to work and eating and drinking at her house for free.

My mother-in-law said that my father worked hard to make money, but why did my father work so hard? It was because my mother and I were lazy, and we had to rely on my father to support us .

The reason why the quarrel escalated at her house was because the child had eczema in the mother-in-law's care. I happened to go home one day to pick up things and my mother asked how the child was doing. I told her that the child had eczema these days and I didn't know. Is it caused by eating seafood on the first day?

My wife thinks I talk too much, and my mother-in-law thinks I go home to gossip and say bad things about her.

My wife called my dad directly and had a quarrel with him on the phone and went over all the old accounts.

My dad explained that it was not because my mother was lazy, but because my mother’s waist was not healed yet, and because of her introverted personality and what happened before, she became even more cautious when speaking.

After this quarrel, my wife wants to divorce me, saying that we can’t live like this anymore. Now we are separated, what should I do?

No matter how we quarrel, I still love her very much, and I still want to continue to accompany her. I feel that I am not a lazy person, but I have been called lazy and stupid, which makes me feel very hurt.

html One year later I also found a job . I hope that through my own efforts, our small family economy will become better and better. If there is anything wrong with me, I can improve it.

But now my wife is in a hurry to move out, and I still don’t have enough money to rent a house. My monthly expenses are six to seven hundred, and these few hundred also include buying some milk powder and diapers for my son. The rest of the money is given to my wife.

She asked me to borrow money to rent a house or take an online loan.

I am under too much pressure. I know that she has savings. Even if she has no savings, there are red envelopes given by relatives and friends when we got married, as well as lucky money for children, but she is not willing to take them out.

The salary she earns has to cover our living expenses, so she cannot use it to pay the rent.

Now my wife wants me to immediately change to a job with a salary of more than 5,000, otherwise she will not let me see my son . This forces me to immediately change to a high-paying job. I feel very tired.

My mother-in-law keeps saying how come I don’t even have money to rent a house, I can’t support my wife and children.

My wife said that the money I earned was only enough to pay the rent, water and electricity. After renting the house, she had to pay to support me. She felt that I was too incompetent.

I don’t know how long such a marriage can last, and itself has slowly become a money-making machine.

In order to save money faster, I rarely spend more than eating out at noon every day for no more than 10 yuan. Sometimes I wonder if I should be kinder to myself and not have to work so hard. I should also have my own life.

Reply:

The letter talks about trivial matters in life, but it always revolves around one main line - money .

We have to admit that no matter how deep the relationship is, no matter how beautiful the marriage is, it will be a mess when it comes to real material life.

You are not the only one who is troubled by this. Thousands of people in marriage will be whipped to a greater or lesser extent.

You see, this is reality, because if the wedding gift is too much, the groom’s family will be unbalanced; if it is less, the bride’s family will feel aggrieved; there is no dowry, and the man will feel resentful; whoever earns more or less after marriage will bear the burden of life. , is another unclear account.

Every family has such a difficult time to recite, why do you want to get divorced?

I think you both have issues.

To be honest, I think part of your wife's "accusations" are actually justified. You may be unintentional, you just love to talk, acted as a "passing mouthpiece" to your parents and wife. But this is really a taboo in marriage.

In fact, when it comes to housework, it’s best to talk about it openly and face to face. Because we are family members, there is no need to be secretive. It’s best to be honest with each other.

Between father-in-law, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, there is no need for the husband to be the messenger. They can speak out openly, correct the situation if it is not the case, and encourage others.

Of course, I think this is a relatively minor problem between you. The biggest problem lies in your "earning ability" .

You can ask yourself, are you really working hard , or are you really "working hard" as you said?

I don’t think men must bear more financial pressure than women, but at least you have to try your best.

According to your description, maybe you are not a "rich second generation" and can completely rely on your parents, so your wife will be more concerned about whether you make money.

I don’t deny that your wife is selfish and is forcing you, but I think if she doesn’t press you, you may indeed be a little slack.

You don’t have your own house yet, and you still have to raise a baby. The financial pressure is relatively high . If you don’t try hard to focus on “money” at this time, how will you survive your life?

You said that you are working now and your salary should not be high. I can understand that there is a rising process, but in your words it seems that you are not very "motivating" . Maybe, this is what your wife cares about too.

Of course, she has big problems when things get to this point.

It can be said that she has a bit of "making" . As you said, dinner was cooked late and your parents didn't care about you, so she magnified these things and used them to quarrel. It really shouldn't be done.

As a woman, I can understand her discomfort and emotional irritability during pregnancy , but I cannot "make everything up" and magnify everything.

In fact, your mother-in-law may be the core figure in your conflicts.

I don’t know your customs and habits, and I can’t comment much. It’s just that your mother-in-law kept all the tens of thousands in gift money and didn’t give any cent to her daughter. This approach seems unkind.

When it came to the wedding, your mother-in-law made irresponsible remarks. After the wedding, kept getting involved in your affairs, , without any sense of boundaries.

Your wife’s behavior must be deeply influenced by her mother.

To be honest, neither of you seem to have grown up and have not escaped the control of your parents.

You must know that you now have a small family. This family should only contain you, your wife, and your children. One bed cannot accommodate 6 people.

In short, looking at it now, my advice to you is "hard work" yourself .

If you take your wife and children out to rent a house, make a plan with her in advance on how you will spend your combined income. Spend wisely and get through any stress.

If your wife doesn’t want to take out the deposit, then don’t take it yet and you can ease your relationship first.

I don’t think she really wants a divorce, she’s just tired or afraid of her current living situation. You need to give her hope (of course not painting a cake). This requires you to take practical actions and work hard.

Let’s make a plan for the next few years and complete it in a down-to-earth manner. Try to let your parents interfere with your own affairs as little as possible, and don't bother your parents when you can do things by yourself.

Another important meaning of marriage is that we learn to grow up. It is not easy to support a family. Protecting each other from wind and rain is not just talk.

Show your determination and actions. If your wife is the right person, she will definitely be willing to move forward with you.