Recently, a parent shared his recent feelings that the midterm exam results were not satisfactory, and the parents were so anxious, why did their children look like okay people!
We often hear complaints from some parents: , kids, don’t know what to do. They used to be obedient in junior high school, so let him do whatever he wants. Now when you go to high school, you have to sing the opposite of everything, and he is annoying just to say a few words. Sometimes, it's not true, or worry if not. Complaints like
are not accidental, but very common.
Actually, high school students are quite different from junior high school students. They have a stronger self-awareness and like to deal with problems on their own. They don’t want parents and teachers to interfere too much, and parents often ignore their children. The characteristics of this stage are still looking at children with old eyes and dealing with problems in old ways.
’s boredom with their children, most parents do not find reasons and find ways to alleviate them, but take measures of repeated preaching and even rough intervention, but the symptoms are not the root cause.
In addition, with the progress and development of society, the ever-changing external things attract the attention of students, especially high school students. Many educators are feeling that today's high school students have more ideas, education methods are not appropriate, which may cause them to become incompatible with their parents and teachers, which is really a headache.
How to help children find emotional outlets and how to deal with conflicts with children, there is only one good strategy: to achieve good communication with children. But this is also the secret pain of many parents: Why can I raise my child but cannot communicate with him?
1. Both sides are self-centered, and each speaks its own words, which cannot stimulate interest in communication.
The child asked his father: Have you heard of "Chrysanthemum Terrace"? Dad said: I haven't drunk it. Dad thought "Chrysanthemum Terrace" and Maotai were just like wine! What is the generation gap? This is the generation gap.
Children like the glory of the king, eat chicken and small fresh meat, and their thinking is jumping; their parents are concerned about stock funds, they are listening to Song Zuying and the legend of Phoenix, they are wearing suits, they speak well, and their thinking is steady. The two generations like and pay attention to different things, how to communicate?
has no common hobbies and interests, it is really difficult to find topics. Therefore, few high school students take the initiative to communicate with their parents after returning home. Some children do not even talk to their parents for more than ten days. He is not in conflict with his parents, but he doesn't know what to say.
Parents sometimes take the initiative to talk to their children, but they just want to know how their children are doing at school, whether they are doing well in school recently, and whether they can keep up with it. Although this is also a concern, it is always this topic day after day, and the child is annoyed by the beginning.
But in reality, most high school students say that what parents talk to them the most is about learning and school-related matters. A small number of parents talk to their children about "future career planning", and only a few parents talk to their children about movie stars. Contents that have nothing to do with learning.
Parents love to talk about learning, which makes high school students most disgusted. However, many parents do not realize this, instead they keep asking their children about their studies, which increases their psychological pressure. When children do not want to communicate, most parents are helpless.
In fact, high school students have entered puberty, and their independence and self-awareness are increasing. They are more willing to communicate with others than when they were young. When encountering difficulties, they usually find someone they can trust to communicate with instead of asking their parents for help. This kind of growth is not understood and accepted by the parents.
2. Parents’ nagging and comparing their children with others have inspired high school students’ rebellious psychology.
After children enter high school, many parents are in a dilemma: Seeing that the child is in a bad state, don't say it, he doesn't care; say it, he thinks you nagging.
High school students are bothered by their parents' nagging, but lack normal communication with their parents. Many parents believe that communicating with their children is to urge him to learn. Some parents are very capable. No matter what they talk about, the topic will eventually turn to learning. No matter what they do, they can connect with learning. It seems that if they don't talk about learning, their children will regress. This kind of communication is undoubtedly difficult for children to accept. Many students of
report that they don’t need parents to say that they know they should study hard. After entering high school, everyone knows the importance of the college entrance examination. How can they not study well? But the parents kept nagging, instead they thought they would study hardHer mood was upset, but instead wanted to vent her rebellion.
Parents often see the advantages of other children and the disadvantages of their own children. If they were asked to list the shortcomings of their children, parents would say a lot in one go; if they wanted to list the advantages of their children, parents would be embarrassed. When parents evaluate their children, they often say "you are stupid" or "you can't", and their words reveal their deep disappointment in their children. The original intention of
parents is to motivate their children to make progress, but this comparison is often counterproductive. The hint to the children is: you are hopeless, and even the parents don’t trust you. If children do not get a sense of self-satisfaction and accomplishment, and are unwilling to communicate with their parents, parents cannot guide their children correctly.
3. Parents monitor in all directions, forcing children to stay away from their parents.
Many parents are not at ease with their children, thinking that their children are small and they are obliged to supervise their children. When children are unwilling to communicate with them, they begin to act as "007", looking through schoolbags, peeking at diaries, tracing phone calls, opening letters, etc., but they are discovered by the children, and they confidently believe that they are for the sake of the children and fear him One wrong step, wrong step.
But what worries high school students the most is precisely their parents' comprehensive monitoring of him. A high school said angrily: “Everyone has a secret world in their hearts. Without invitation, others have no right to enter. This is the most basic respect, but my parents can’t even do this. "Z2z
Children dislike these actions of their parents, and of course they are reluctant to communicate with their parents. As time goes by, the gap between each other will become deeper and deeper.
In fact, when a child enters adolescence, he will strongly feel his independence and want to keep his privacy. However, parents usually have little communication with their children and don't understand them, so they just stand on their own ground, simply consider problems and inquire about their children's privacy, without thinking about their children's feelings.
4. Family structure also affects the communication between parents and children.
Children from different families have obvious differences in their communication with their parents.
Changes in the marital relationship between parents are increasingly affecting their children. The communication problems between nuclear family children and their parents may simply be out of sync, while children from single-parent and remarried families face more situations where there is no communication or aversion to communication.
Due to changes in family structure, children from single-parent and remarried families need more parental care and communication. However, these children often become the group that lacks the most care and communication.
We all know that there will be conflicts and contradictions if people who do not understand each other live together without communication. If there is no normal communication between parents and children, it will definitely damage the effect of education; if there is no effective communication, parents will actually completely lose their right to education.
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