When every child comes to the world, it is a blank sheet of paper that reflects the appearance of a family.
"In the blue sky and galaxy, there is a little white boat..."
This summer, a hit domestic drama "The Hidden Corner" attracted wide attention from netizens.
Some people say that this drama can also be called "Ten Thousands of Misfortunes of Unlucky Native Families", "Fortunate people are cured by childhood, and unfortunate people are healing their childhood all their lives." There are three heroes in the play. At the beginning of life, I was handed a "double-edged sword" by my parents' wrong education, seemingly inadvertently.
Do you believe that a well-behaved, sensible, good character and academic child will become a "bad kid"?
Zhu Chaoyang, one of the protagonists in the play, is a child who has gone from being a master to black.
How sensible is Zhu Chaoyang?
My parents are divorced and my mother works in a scenic spot far away from the city. Usually, I can go home on weekends.
On working days, he lives alone by himself.
During this period, he has to cook by himself, go to school, do homework, and do housework. He remembers to go in to change shoes, take trash when he goes out, and remember to spend money to keep accounts. Even the grades are excellent that other children envy.
Many parents may be eager all the time to have a child like Zhu Chaoyang. I believe that such a child will grow up to a satisfactory appearance, but things go against their wishes.
In a corner where no one knows, this child is withdrawn and out of group, with a deep inferiority hidden in his heart.
This kind of child should need the parents' timely attention, understanding and guidance, but the mother's insistence on "long live the achievement" blocked all the children who might seek help from the outside world.
In the play, Zhu Chaoyang’s mother Zhou Chunhong is undoubtedly sad and pathetic. She took her son alone and worked far away. She often rushed to and fro. The "inadequate care" for her son forced Zhu Chaoyang to become independent early. She was full of guilt and placed all her hopes and the rest of her life on her son.
For the child’s body, she is strong and domineering:
Because of her busy work, she neglects to take care of her son and is worried that his son will be dissatisfied with her. She is sensitive and stubborn:
When her "secret" is exposed, she will be hysterical if she is afraid that her son will be "prejudiced" against her:
The secret of the child’s inner love for the father Longing, she is dissatisfied with jealousy:
Behind the "bad child" stands the mother's strong paranoia, strong desire for control, and hysteria.
It is true that most people cannot imagine the hardship and physical and mental pressure of single mothers. There is nowhere to talk, nowhere to resolve, which has caused her inner depression and depression, but the realistic pressure and the roughness of life are no reason to push the child to "down into the abyss".
Ms. Hong Lan, a PhD in psychology and brain expert, used her brain research report on men and women to clarify a point of view:
From the perspective of human evolution, women’s emotional energy is far Far more than men.
The mother is the soul of the family, the mother is happy and the family is happy, the mother is anxious and the family is anxious.
Children understand the world through their mother's emotions.
If the mother is unhappy, the child will feel that only if she is unhappy does it mean that she is with her mother and is with her.
It is difficult for this child to get happiness from the heart in his life.
Mother's love is too suffocating, Zhu Chaoyang is eager to take a breath from his father, but what has he got?
Dad re-formed a new family, allowing the stepmother to mock her son slightly, and turn a blind eye to the daughter’s "spoofing" to her son.
And what about himself?
After betraying the marriage, the daughter born to her stepmother alone is more perfunctory than caring for his son Zhu Chaoyang.
He showed off his son's good grades, but he was indifferent to his son's real needs.
The most distressing thing is that this kind of father is not shaped, and this kind of plot is not "made up", but the author processed it according to his own experience.
The original author of this play, Zi Jin Chen, said in an interview: "Zhu Chaoyang, I wrote the novel according to myself. The father Zhu Yongping in the novel, I also wrote according to my father. This It’s not made up, it’s a real personal experience that happened to me. ”
author Zijin Chen also mentioned that his experience at the time was a bit more sad:
After having a new home, my father’s wife refused to let him He contacted Zijin Chen. Every time Zijin Chen called his father, his father would press it down and call it back after ten minutes.
Father rarely meets him, and only sees him twice a year during winter and summer vacations, both at his grandparents’ house.
When he was 12 years old, he ran into his father's daughter on the day he went to see his father.
The girl has just turned 4 years old and is very well dressed.
Father pulled him aside and told him: "Don’t call my father in front of my sister. She is still young, and I don’t know if my divorce will affect her."
Father’s preference for daughters , The neglect of himself caused Zijin Chen to suffer a lot.
Educator Spencer once pointed out in his "Spencer's Happy Education":
The father’s physical, temperament and thinking characteristics are easy to be taken by children. Be an idol in your heart.
Children always get the confidence to face the outside world from their father.
Father is a guide for children to the outside world, good and bad have great influence.
Obviously, the father of the author Zijin Chen is absent.
Zhu Chaoyang in his works has also become an inferior, withdrawn, sensitive and tolerant teenager under the influence of this absence.
Behind the "bad boy", there is the absence of father.
Every father, in fact, should also realize that what the child wants most is the approval of the parents.
They learn from their father how to get along with the outside world.
Father’s attention and support can bring them great courage and strength.
Father is the person who influences the child's character background.
Similarly, the other two children in the play are also victims of the original family.
The mother cheated, the father killed the mother, and left the immature child to wander around the world.
has a comment:
"Adults make mistakes, children have to pay;
adults are absent, children are abandoned;
adults finally come, but with cages and chains."
Parents are the children’s life model;
Family education often determines the child’s life background.
Every excellent parent has a different way of educating children:
Some people are moderate, and they influence and educate their children through guidance and patience;
Some people are serious, who regard educating children as the most important job in life, rigorous and responsible.
However, no matter which way, love and respect should be the basis of family education.
And behind every "bad kid", perhaps a dereliction of duty is standing.
Over-degree control
In the film, mother Zhou Chunhong loves Zhu Chaoyang very much, and she tries her best to supplement him with nutrition and often gives him pocket money.
But her love is conditional:
"You must study hard and give me a good breath!"
Zhou Chunhong never allows her son to have any other ideas, Everything depends on her.
Study hard, eat well, even if the stomach is full, you must drink milk.
Such a strong desire to control and involuntarily say, in reality, is it often expressed as: "You are still young, you don't understand!" "Mom and dad are all for your good!"
But in the eyes of parents Okay, do the kids really agree?
"Many parents are deeply concerned about their children, believing that children must not make mistakes when making choices, and cannot accept their children's mistakes. However, too strong control will make children lose their autonomy. , And go to the opposite side."
There is a girl named Tu Sirui in the variety show "Youth Talk". She likes reading and writing novels since she was a child. Since the third grade of elementary school, she has persisted for 6 years and has written 56 This book, nearly 300,000 words.
However, the girl's persistence and talent for hobbies are considered by her father to be insecure and to blame for the decline in mathematics.
So Dad rushed into her room and tore up the 300,000 words she had written one by one, and taped all the extracurricular books with tape, so she was not allowed to write and read again.
She explained on stage: I may not really have any talent in mathematics, and I have worked very hard, but still can't catch up with the top students.
So far, Dad didn’t say a word of sorry, but just faintly replied: “Others can do it, so can you.”
Remember that there was a debate topic in the variety show "Qihua Shuo" It's like this: If you can customize the perfect life for your child with one click, would you press this button?
Parents with a desire to control will certainly do, but the child wants you to customize a perfect life for him? Is your so-called perfect life a perfect life in the eyes of a child?
Finally, we will find that we have exhausted our brains to customize the future for our children, and few children will buy it!
A perfect life should have full choice.
So parents, the most important lesson to learn is to let go in time.
When weaning, when toddlers, when sleeping in separate rooms, be cruel, and the child must always learn to be independent.
When applying for a special class or choosing a major, let go and pay attention to the children's hobbies instead of arranging the children according to their own ideas.
Don't monitor your children's study and life at any time like a supervisor. You should try to be like a friend and give your children suggestions and guidance when necessary.
utility
Every time Zhu Chaoyang holds a parent meeting, Zhou Chunhong is the one with the brightest face because his son always takes first place.
But she never pays attention to the character problems of the child.
even as a teacher to remind her childShe is introverted and outgoing, and she is indifferent.
A mother who only cares about scores and rankings, but does not care about the child's mental health, is destined to raise a child with a personality defect.
Because what she cares most about is not the child itself, at least not what the child really desires, but whether he wins himself.
eccentric
In the movie, the falling of the little girl Zhu Jingjing is the "detonator" that directly caused Zhu Chaoyang to "degenerate".
But a half-brother, why does he hate his sister so much?
All this is the fault of my father Zhu Yongping.
He is extremely eccentric, likes his daughter and ignores his son.
His behavior, both children are watching.
daughter Zhu Jingjing is therefore arrogant and domineering:
"Don’t you just want to grab my dad from me? Dad said, he only likes me, not you!"
正It was this sentence that completely angered Zhu Chaoyang.
Zhu Jingjing's death is not so much related to her brother Zhu Chaoyang.
might as well say that it was caused by their father Zhu Yongping.
Being favored and arrogant, being ignored is resentful.
Eccentric parents are the source of conflicts between brothers and sisters.
Another girl, Cui Jing, has a 6-year-old sister in the family. My younger sister likes to provoke her very much, but if she wants to say something to her younger sister, her younger sister will complain to her father, and her father will start to teach Cui Jing to let her "let her younger sister."
Cui Jing did not understand: "Every time she did something wrong, why should I apologize." "But every time I let her, then I let her, she thinks every time This is a habit, so no matter how she bullies me, she doesn’t think you can talk about her.”
Dad just has a point: “Is she young after all!”
Now many families have two children. How to achieve "a bowl of water and water" is a question that every parent should think about. Don't "spoil" one while letting the other "cold out" heart".
Love
Eccentricity is a "double-edged sword", hurting two children.
The little girl Zhu Jingjing's "pushing hand" when she fell from the building, in addition to her brother's indifference, is also her parents' love.
Because of his father's love, he is full of provocation and hostility towards his half-brother.
Dad bought new shoes for her brother, and she stepped on it.
not only did not apologize, but also rolled his eyes at his brother triumphantly.
The mother on the side not only failed to educate her daughter severely, but also took the opportunity to show off:
"People are not like you, they have new shoes every day!"
With such a pair of parents, how can children not If you become arrogant and domineering, how can you not "turn bad" in the future?
As the saying goes, one is like killing one.
This sentence is most suitable for Zhu Jingjing.
Spoiling a child without principle is not to love him, but to harm him.
bad example
Some people say that there is no inherently bad person in this world, and good and evil are all in an instant.
Especially children, when they were born, they were as clean as a piece of white paper.
What an adult teaches, he learns.
So whether you are a parent or a role model, you must lead by example and set a good example for your children.
Because The child has been watching you by the side and learning with you.
There is a topic on a forum: How deep is your parents’ influence on you?
Someone wrote:
Twenty years ago, I witnessed my dad beat my mother, and even took a knife to slash my mother...
20 years later, I faced my own Wife, even picked up the knife...
I thought I had forgotten, but no, they were like the devil, entangled me for a lifetime...
What is a family?
It may be a warm harbor for children, and the best memories of his childhood.
It is also possible that a child’s knife is the first piece of soil that breeds "evil".
The key is how the parents manage.
"Floyd’s Mission" says:
"A person loved by his parents will maintain the feeling of a winner for life. This belief in success, It will lead him to continuous success throughout his life.”
In the movie, accompanied by the children’s song "Little White Boat", there is a picture like this:
Little hero Zhu Chaoyang, Pu Pu and Yan Liang lay on the boat and watched the moon.
's immature faces make it difficult to see that they are the "bad kids" in everyone's eyes. They are obviously like three white papers longing to be filled with love, but they are filled with pitch black.
Part of the source of the material: Girl rabbit slender mother
Edit: Fortunately, He Ruyi
Review: Yu Qiao scholar Haoran Qingyin
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