Several colleagues sat together during lunch break and chatted, talking about the weather getting colder recently, how to drive away the cold of their children.
Colleague A said: "Last night I boiled water for my child's feet, but the child was not grateful and said loudly, "Why is the water so hot? I have obviously tried the water temperature, but I don't think it's hot at all." Colleague B echoed: "We have the same model at home. Let him take a bath, and the water is almost cold and still croaking there, saying that I am a "scalding pig". I mixed him with water and pulled him in and soaked. I was so angry that I was crying and making a fuss there. ”
I asked curiously: “Ask the child, is it difficult to be hot if the water is hot? "
Seeing that my colleague wanted to argue, I added: "The skin thickness of newborns and premature babies is only 1/10 of that of adult epidermis, and slightly larger babies are only 1/3 of that of adults. Babies' skin is thinner and fragile than adults' skin, and the thickness of the stratum corneum is thinner. The warm water temperature that adults feel comfortable is very hot for children. "
What's more, everyone has different body temperature, everyone has different physical constitutions, and their tolerance to hot and cold.
Ask your child if the water is hot, let the child test the water temperature by himself, respect the child's opinions more, don't complain about the child just after coming up, many problems in life can be simply solved.
should give the child's due respect, emotions and personality.
although they are not old, But they always have their own ideas. Although they seem naive, this is the crystallization of their own thoughts and creativity.
first respects the child's views, rather than ridicule and accuses, explains them clearly, confirms the rationality, and then guides, instead of just complaining.
There will be many choices in life, but if the water temperature is not allowed to be tried by children, how can they face the choices in life?
As children grow up, many parents often design their children's "future", and the basis of design is "I think".
These parents may be smart enough to think that they are fulfilling their responsibilities for their children and helping ignorant children choose their future.
This is actually not necessary.
Before children start learning to walk and talk, parents can basically tolerate any behavior of their children. But as the children grow up day by day, their patience gradually faded, from being generous to being strict, or even scolded.
If children have no choice, they will lose their initiative in life, become lazy, or become unwilling to communicate with their parents.
We have to distinguish between real feelings and emotional reactions, and there are huge differences between them. Feeling comes from the heart, and emotional reactions are a conditioned reflex of our past subconscious patterns. Most of the time, we are in a conditioned reflex mode, so our emotions affect children and ourselves. That's why there are so many problems between us and our children.
Respecting children's emotions is the basic principle of effective parenting.
Because this is the basis for parent-child communication. If children feel they can’t communicate with us, their presence will make them nervous. They don't see us as partners, or feel like we are entering their world as allies. In their opinion, we seem to be at a polarization with them and have no sense of connection. At this time, if we ask them to do something, the children will feel that it is the instructor's order, or even the enemy's order. So they either ignore our orders or fight back. If we punish him, it will only make him feel that we are his opponents and make him more hostile to us.
Don't force your child to do things he doesn't want to do. Every child wants to get the attention of his parents. They all want their parents to respect them. Children often develop resistance if parents force their children to do something. Therefore, parents should pay attention to respecting their children. Don’t force your child. Sometimes the stubbornness and willfulness of his child are not his original intention. But being forced by parents. This is also why he resisted his parents.Parents should understand their children's psychology and not force their children to do things they are unwilling to do. Positively feedback, guide and support what your child is willing to do.
Of course, it is not "respect" without restrictions.
There must be a limit to respecting children's opinions, otherwise it will easily cause parents to lose their authority or make their children blindly arrogant.
For example, don’t ask for things that have been confirmed before.
Respect a child and ask for his opinion before making any decision. But it is obvious that my parents have the final say in this matter. But there are also some parents who do not discuss with their children at the beginning, but discuss with their children and seek their opinions after they have determined what they want to do. In the eyes of children, this request is completely a form, without real sincerity. Or, they think they can change their decisions at will.
should not compromise easily, either.
When parents seek their children's opinions, they must clarify a basic concept: seek opinions and do not give the right to their children. When a child objectes to some of the parents' decisions, parents will regard their children's ideas as "respect for the children" and let the child do what they want to do. In this case, if the child is not solicited and acts completely according to his own wishes, the child will lack minimum respect for his parents.
Don’t always obey your children.
In real life, parents and children often have different ideas. Once this happens, parents will be afraid of being called "too powerful". Once a conflict occurs, the child will compromise and become the controller of the family, losing his basic authority, and the child will be the little bully in the family.
Maybe, it doesn’t seem easy to do it all at once, don’t worry, go back to the initial question:
Is it difficult to ask your child “Water is not hot”?
