The speaker is unintentional, the listener is intentional.
Educator Susan Forward pointed out: "Children always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas."
As parents, they all hope that their children will become useful people, but they often make mistakes and do not pay attention to daily communication.
From today's society, the following words are very common, and even the catchphrases of some families.
We need to be smarter, rot in our stomachs what we shouldn’t say, and don’t just talk.
01
"You are too stupid, look at your promiscuous prospects": an angry words that hit your children.
Children have a process of growing up - from ignorance to knowledgeable.
Many parents are used to pulling seedlings to encourage growth, and sending their children of a few years old to tutoring classes and sending their children in elementary school to study junior high school courses.
Once the child loses at the starting line, the parents will be furious and feel that their efforts have not been rewarded as they deserve. I think my child is too stupid and it is useless to educate him no matter how hard he is.
Scolding the child is actually a blow to the child's enthusiasm.
Smart parents will suppress the fire and figure out where the gap between their children is and where the error occurs. If you work hard to "open up the Ren and Du meridians", your child will not be stupid.
Parents should see their children's progress more, rather than grasping the wrong places and admitting their mistakes.
02
"Look at the child next door": a complaint that compares each other.
The child next door is very good, has good academic performance, and also helps his parents with work. Next door is a better child, and he actually went to Tsinghua University and Peking University.
Where is your own home? Stop talking, it's too embarrassing.
Many parents are used to comparing their children and saying "results" in front of relatives and friends.
What will the child think?
Pigmalion effect tells us that children will unconsciously recognize adult words and accept adult hints. And this suggestion is the basis for children's dreams to come true. If lost, it will be difficult to retrieve. Comparison of
actually means that your child has grades. Let your children be unable to raise their heads in the community and lose their belief in struggle.
As the saying goes, "Everyone has aspirations."
Don't compare other people's strengths with their children's weaknesses; don't reflect their strengths with their children's weaknesses. The key is to treat fairly and justly, so that children can learn to compare with themselves.
As Tao Xingzhi advocates: "Like planting flowers and plants, fertilizing and watering are different in different situations. This is called teaching according to your aptitude."
03
"I'm all for your own good": a private message of kidnapping emotions.
There was a mother who signed up for an English class without discussing with her son.
The son is very angry. But the mother emphasized that this is for the sake of her son's good.
In fact, his son’s English grades are not very good, but he has his own improvement plan, so he is more willing to go to the math class.
Many parents are used to doing wishful thinking. If children do not follow the designed circuit diagram, they will be very sad and use various means to let their children understand their parents and follow them.
There is a saying that goes: "People who do not receive respect from others often have the strongest self-esteem."
Parents do not respect their children's choices, so the children will hurt their self-esteem and have nowhere to complain. Children will endure it when they are young and will "escape" when they grow up.
Emotions are kidnapped, just like entering a house without doors and windows. Who can stay?
The best decision is the "decision" approved by the child, and the child will follow the chosen path and be very happy all the way. This also conforms to the view that "interest is the best teacher".
04
"I won't count on you when I'm old": a vague saying to clear my relationship.
The child has known since he was a child that his parents would not rely on themselves when they were old, so he subconsciously broke off contact with his parents.
When parents are old and unable to walk and need their children's help, they find that their children's reply is heartbroken: "Don't you rely on me? Why do you say this now? What about your money? Where is your house?"
Because parents don't want to rely on their children, they leave their own savings early and have their own house. But my parents didn’t expect that when they are healthy, everything depends on themselves, and after they lose their health, they are unreliable.
Be a person with foresight and see the elderly from middle age.
When parents are healthy, help their children to the best of their ability and help them take care of their grandchildren. When you really can't walk, you can still get a lot of feedback.
"Crow has the meaning of feeding back", this sentence is familiar to everyone. But the root of this is because the female crow did her best to raise her children, protect her safety, and moved her children.
Bai Juyi In the poem, he said : "All birds do not have mothers, but you are sorrowful. It is because of the mother's kindness, which makes you sad and not be able to do so."
Crows have "karma and effect cognition", why don't their parents? It needs reflection. Always remember that we are a family and complement each other.
05
"You will get married sooner or later, you are someone else's family": An old saying that favors boys over girls.
My second grandfather asked his working daughter to give her 20,000 yuan when he was building a new house.
When eating the New Year’s Eve dinner, the second grandfather said to his daughter, "Your current bedroom will be used to put it in the barn in the future."
The daughter asked, "Where will I sleep in the future?"
The second grandfather said, "You sleep in the living room in the future. Anyway, after getting married, I will not be back a few days."
Through time and space, you can think of your daughter's discomfort.
The parents did not plan to let their daughter go home for a few more days at the beginning. How can they make their daughter filial? Such a tradition is unsuccessful.
Imagine what should parents who only have one daughter in their family? Do you really have to live alone?
In the new era, women are also trendsetters. It is more realistic to have a career and build a family business. Whether it is a marriage outside, a son-in-law, or a marriage from both ends, the daughter is the little cotton-padded jacket of her parents.
Whether or not your daughter is from the room is one thing, and whether your daughter is back for a long time is another thing. Don't treat your daughter as an outsider.
06
Of course, in addition to the above words, parents must also restrain words such as "breaking up their children's marriages, interfering in their children's small families, and exposing family scandals".
There is a Western proverb: "A good parent has a zipper on his mouth and never speaks as he pleases to his children."
Encourage your children and say more, and they are full of power.
If you unite your family, say more, and be kind to make money.
If you are fair and fair, say more and never be biased.
If you actively discuss, say more and reflect respect.
If you watch over and help each other, you will have a support for you.
May all parents in the world truly love their children, have a ruler when speaking, and show weakness when speaking.
Author: Common people eat coarse food.
Follow my text and enter your heart.
The pictures in the article are from the Internet.
