In the previous message, many parents mentioned that their children have some tendencies to please their children. Today, let’s talk to parents about their children’s favorable psychology.
In the message, a parent told me something that touched my heart:
"My daughter is 5 years old this year and is currently in kindergarten. She is relatively introverted, but she is eager to make good friends, so she often pleases other children.
Once, the kindergarten teacher told me, She saw her daughter accidentally stepping on the foot of other classmates, and the classmate cried, so her daughter hurried over to coax the other party and coaxed her all day long. Even though the other party had forgiven her, she still kept coaxing others. "
After reading this message, I want to tell all parents that children like are very kind in their hearts, so when parents find that their children have acts of pleasing others, remember not to blame them, because the kindness of their children is worthy of our protection.
Let’s talk about why children like to please others?
01
Psychology says that There must be a motivation behind everyone's behavior , so if you want to understand why children always please others, you must first know what their motivation is for doing this.
1. Inferiority (low sense of self-worth)
Children with flattering personality usually have lower self-worth, that is, low sense of self-worth. Children like
are very prone to self-denial. Other children's unintentional jokes will make them feel that they are disliked by their peers.
So, he will try his best to leave a good impression on others and be a "perfect" child.
2. Overconsidering the feelings of others
Children with flattering personality are more sensitive inside. Before he speaks and does things, he will consider other people's feelings.
If others are not satisfied with him, then he will be very distressed and keep thinking: What exactly can do to satisfy everyone?
3. Lack of a sense of security
Children with flattering personality often lack a sense of security, so they are always worried that they will be abandoned.
A child who is always worried about being abandoned can only do his best to make everyone like him, so he has a pleasing behavior.
In his cognition, pleased others is a way to "retain" others.
or above are psychological characteristics that children with flattering personality basically have.
In fact, this type of child is really heartbreaking! In order to gain the attention and recognition of others, he always ignores his own feelings and blindly gives and gives. Over time, he will feel physically and mentally exhausted.
So after understanding the motivation of children's pleasing behavior, let's talk about how to avoid children from forming pleasing personality.
02
Children's psychological motivation is formed in a process, and it is often affected by the environment.
The following educational models can easily lead to children forming a pleasing personality:
1. Parents not only do not praise their children, but also often deny them
2. Parents overly require their children to be sensible and obedient, and ignore their feelings
3. Parents rarely accompany their children, and often make them feel lonely
4. Parents have too high requirements for their children and are always dissatisfied with them
I said above that the reason why children please others is actually to gain more attention and recognition, so if we always ignore children's feelings, it will only make them more accustomed to please others.
It is not necessarily a good thing for a child to know how to take care of others. If this continues, he will become a person without edges in the future.
When a person loses his edges and personality, he will become very unhappy.
Therefore, in daily life, parents should focus on "give him a sense of security".
Some parents will ask: How to give children a sense of security? Isn’t education just treating him well?
of course not.
Love does not mean spoiling, giving does not mean being forced.
Any educational method is moderate, and a sense of security must be moderate.
First, parents should spend as much time with their children as possible, and should not use it in their time with them.
Second, when a child makes a mistake, focus on solving problems, and do not over-punish or deny them. On the contrary, parents should appropriately encourage their children to reflect on and solve problems by themselves.
Third, tell your children not to care too much about other people’s opinions. If others don’t like you, it does not mean that you are not outstanding enough. The friends you can attract are suitable for you.
In fact, every child is a little angel. They come to this world with kindness and become the little sun in our adult life.
Therefore, as parents, we should not deprive our children of their kindness, but should help our children how to correctly "use" their kindness.
