"It's time to go to bed!"
Adults gently persuaded, and the child was still trying various combinations of building blocks with great interest.
"It's very late, will you get it tomorrow?"
's slightly serious tone seemed to not touch him. The child nodded without understanding and turned his attention to the newly bought toy car.
"How many more times do you have to say it?! You have to make me angry, right?"
"Woo... Wow--"
Finally, the parents were angry and the child cried, but he wiped tears with one hand, and still held his beloved toy tightly with the other hand, refusing to "submit" and acted like he was beaten to death...
"There's no way! How many times have you been, I'm not listening!"
I believe many parents have encountered the above situation and have had similar troubles. Children always don’t listen, so how should parents “speak”? In today's article, let's try to look at this traditional educational issue from a new perspective - do children really not listen to "words"?
First of all, what is "word"? Analytical Philosophy Master Wittgenstein once described this - language is an image of facts built by humans for themselves and has no practical meaning. We cannot completely reproduce the events that have occurred and clarify a certain phenomenon, so we need to use highly abstract and concise tools such as language to conduct daily communication.
In short, if you want to understand the language smoothly, you must have enough experience as a basis. For example, as adults, we naturally know why we should go to bed early and get up early, keeping ourselves energetic, the importance of adequate nutrition intake to health, and procrastination brings all kinds of drawbacks - this is based on years of life experience, not other literal definitions or explanations.
But children are different. These newborn little lives are still in a state of ignorance to the world. In addition, they have been fully protected by their families since they were born. They do not have the following in their minds: "Go to bed early!" "Eat well, don't be picky about food!" This is a natural "necessity" for adults, and they do not understand the "consequences" of not doing so. Naturally, they cannot respond promptly to adults' words, let alone take satisfactory actions immediately.
If you insist on saying "consequences", they will be even more impressed by their parents' angry look at this time. However, this impression will only deepen the child's wrong perception that "when moms and dads start talking loudly, I should..." is not only not helpful to convey the parents' true intentions, but also easily leads the child to a vicious cycle of "no getting angry and disobedient." How should
"conversation" with children?
1. Avoid repeated nagging
There is a famous definition in psychology - the limit effect, which refers to excessive stimulation, too strong or long-term effects, which often make the other party extremely impatient and ultimately contrary to expectations.
can see repeated, monotonous urging and nagging, which not only has little effect, but also makes the child feel auditory fatigue. Therefore, when communicating with your child, try to use words as simple as possible. Do not use words to describe things that you still cannot understand, such as -
"I know you don't like to eat this, but it took grandpa/grandma and others a long time to make it, and it is very good for the body. If the baby is willing to eat it, they will definitely be very happy!"
"It's already very late, let's play tomorrow! Then dad/mother play with you, okay, let's play?"
If the child still insists on not accepting the suggestions, you might as well let him feel the "consequences" of doing this naturally.
2. Let children experience the "bads" of disobedience in moderation
Instead of using a tough attitude to force children to "be obedient" and help them avoid negative experiences such as fatigue, hunger, and shame, it is better to let them feel the "bads" of disobedience in moderation, so that they can establish a stronger mapping between words and facts, such as -
"You can't even be hungry! You are unwilling to have a good lunch, and it's still the dishes after dinner. You decide whether to eat it."
" I played with you until so late yesterday, and my parents were very tired, so I couldn't go to the amusement park today. You can take a nap and take a rest! "
" If you are procrastinating, you will be late to go to kindergarten. You don't want to let the teacher and other children wait for you alone, right? "
It should be noted that in order to make the child's experience closer to the facts, parents and parents should also try to inform and guide in a calm and gentle tone to avoid unnecessary fear or rebellious mentality.
3. Actively respond to children's special expressions
Still sometimes, children are not unable to understand their parents' intentions, but are just acting spoiled in a "disobedient" way to attract parents' attention. In this case, a hug, a kiss, or accompaniment with him is better than a thousand words. Even if he is in a bad mood, please try not to reject the child indifferently or scold him. You can tell the truth in a way that he can understand - "Dad/mother is a little tired from work, so take a break first and come to accompany you later? "
Children who like to act like this can usually keenly capture the emotional changes of others. Once they feel tired and unable to do so from their parents' responses, they may also give you a heartwarming surprise!
With the changes of the times, educational concepts are constantly diversifying and personalized. Looking back, many concepts that were regarded as the norms in our childhood are no longer mainstream. "Children should be good and obedient. "The same is true. On the premise of ensuring that it does not affect safety and does not disturb others, it may be better to let children have more time and more choices, and turn one-sided "obedience" into two-way "parent-child communication". This will not only allow parents to participate in their children's childhood and enjoy the process of companionship with a more relaxed and happier attitude, but also make children's growth exploration more freely and openly, helping them to open up their own infinite paths more smoothly.
