C Mom CC Parents
When I shared an article with you some time ago, I mentioned the scene of CCDD siblings "fighting" because of a small matter.
A mother left a message asking, are these two people in your family always fighting like this?
Please remove the word "分" as it is the most basic respect for an old mother with a second child.
Before having a second child, I fantasized about the beautiful scene of love and harmonious interaction between my brothers and feet every day.
But! After three years of second child, the robes of fantasy gradually faded, and I realized that is the norm for favor and fighting.
especially after the combat effectiveness of DD, this little man is getting stronger, which is so exciting.
- Today I tore my sister's paintings, and the boss came to complain;
- Tomorrow, the two children will be in chaos because of a snack;
- It may do nothing the day after tomorrow, and my brother is just provocative and slapped my sister...
Of course, it's not just me. Every time I talk about the topic of second child, the style of the comment section is basically like this:
The fight between two children is very refreshing, which makes us old mothers suffer. They are asked to be "Masters of Duanshui" every day.
But is this bowl of water really flat?
I have also said before that it is difficult for families with second-children to have real fairness. admit it, no matter how much you control the scale in your heart, you will always be biased towards one of them.
So, ask yourself, which side is the one you overlooked?
, about 80% of the answers are the boss.
Moreover, our partiality is not just superficial time companionship, whether to pay attention, or prioritize satisfaction.
Most of the time, It also exists in a more hidden form , leaving the boss's grievances without any hiding.
1
What makes the boss wronged is the "unorthodox" of the parents
Have you ever experienced such a scene:
When you get tired of it for a day, you just want to lie on the sofa, your child always has the ability to prevent you from being purified.
One day, my two kids started fighting again for some reason, and they immediately heard the "wow" sound!
This is the one who pulls you as a judge, and then chases you to be fair...
Middle-aged old mother does not seem to be qualified to "lie flat", But sometimes I really don't have the patience to listen to the "blabla..." here, and I don't have the energy to coax the "wuwuwu~"
all the sounds, for me, are a torture.
I don’t want the scene to get out of control, so at this time, a kind of mentality will be born:
I hope there is such a child who can understand me, share the burden, and help me end this wail. The object
is often the sister.
Although I won’t force the boss to give in to the second child, in my opinion, the boss will have to eat two more salt and grow a few years more than the second child…
She should be empathize with my heart Torment , it should 1 know how to stop , and even 1, it can handle the conflict with your younger brother just right.
is realistic. Not only can she not share the burden for me, she also kept shouting and stressing to me, "It was my brother who provoked me first! Mom, please take care of him!"
This reasonable appeal seemed to me at that moment, and it turned into unreasonable trouble.
"It's right that he provoked you first, but is it necessary to do that heavy?"
If I were the boss, I might want to talk back: "Oh, someone else will hit me, I'm going to have a fight, and I have to consider the weight first?"
Compared to DD, which I didn't expect, CC at this moment has become the more ignorant child in my eyes.
I may accuse her of "can I save snacks" or deliberately neglect her and not give her a good face.
This secret anger will harm children far more than blatant favoritism.
But when we think from the boss's perspective, CC is just taking the blame for my mother who "does not want to deal with disputes".
No matter how big her life experience is, she only has 8 years of experience. How can her ability to deal with emergencies and emotions reach the level I expected?
What's more, sometimes it's the second brother's fault.
Just like our family, DD took the initiative to provoke it several times. When my sister was doing her homework seriously, he ran to make trouble. It was obviously a stationery he couldn't use, but he insisted on grabbing...
CC held it all the time and endured it again and again. I couldn't help it anymore, so I pushed him.
Then he cried the loudest.
Even so, I still complain that CC is ignorant.
Think about it and feel that I am too overdoing it.
I don’t know if you have ever had the same mentality as me when you were dragged to "sert a case" by your child.
If there is, I hope that my insights can bring you some thoughts.
2
Brothers and soccer battles, how to maintain "balance"
Of course, the problem must be solved.
The reality is that two children will fight in front of you every day, and will ask you for fairness and comfort.
How can the old mother maintain this "balance"?
My experience is:
1 Since we don’t have the energy to “sert case”, let’s highlight the bottom line first
For example, in our family, the origin of most conflicts is the sister that my younger brother provoked first.
Actually, I know, what "bad thoughts" can such a bigger child have?
He just wants his sister to pay attention and play with him, but he hasn't learned to express himself reasonably.
But I still set rules for DD. No matter what the reason, once there is no reason for violence against my sister (grabs hair, hits people, etc.), will be banned and punished by .
is also true for the sister. Even if the younger brother is wrong first, if she performs excessive behavior, such as serious pushing, beating, etc., there will be consequences.
So, now, once this physical conflict occurs, I will first ask: What did we say before, what did it come from?
Actually, there are rules first. Many times, as long as we remind you, the two children will realize that they are wrong in their behavior. When they know that they are in the wrong, they will not seem biased when they comment.
2Top the problem to the child, "watch it will be lively"
Last night, the siblings each selected a dessert . The top of DD is a yellow peach piece, and the top of the sister is half a strawberry . When I got home, I opened it, DD insisted on eating my sister's strawberries. My sister won't give it. DD cried loudly and shouted stubbornly: "I want to eat strawberries! I want to eat strawberries! I want to eat strawberries!" The devil's howl echoed throughout the living room. Seeing that CC didn't let go, DD began to turn the fire to me: "Mom, I want to eat strawberries", "Mom, I want to eat strawberries!", "Mom, I want to eat strawberries!!" I quickly buried my head, pretended to be busy, and suddenly was confused by Cue: "Oh, Mom, I know, I'll take you to buy it later." This is obviously not the answer DD wants. Of course he didn't buy it and continued to collapse and cry... and then attacked his sister: "I want to eat strawberries", "I want to eat strawberries", "I want to eat strawberries"... Finally, after thinking for 2 minutes in the roar and scream, my sister let out: OK OK, I'll give you a bite, but one person eats half of it! I have to eat half of your yellow peaches too! Then, the siblings' comments on the table: Strawberries are too sour... Yellow peaches are not very delicious...
Who care These? I only have a secret feeling in my heart: Yes! happy ending! I held back again!
The reason why we gritted our teeth and did not interfere is because we have too many pitfalls! Usually the grandma is the first one to help herself:
"CC, you are the sister, just let DD take a bite."
finished! As soon as this is said, it is a proposition.
Because CC will definitely be angry.
"Why, I only have half a strawberry on it! He also chose the cake himself..." balabala outputted it.
Grandma will also be speechless, and is indeed in the wrong, so she can only blame CC as a sister who is not sensible and generous enough.
What if it stops DD?
"Strawberry is my sister's. It's okay if they don't give it to you! Why do you have to? If you don't give it to you, just cry. Are you still right to be greedy?"
First of all, DD will inevitably collapse because he is young after all. How could he, 13 years old, understand the mature social rules of "other people can't ask for" as well as his 8-year-old sister?
But more importantly, I wrote a few days ago that will eliminate the boss's empathy.
She looked at DD and cried. Judging from the accumulated affection in the past, her sister may be soft-hearted. Not every time she wants to eat strawberries, not every time she must play with toys, not every time she must not give in. She will hesitate whether to give in this time?
If the parents jump out at this time, it doesn’t make sense that is DD, you don’t need to consider it at all.
The boss's heart will become hard.
In fact, The contradiction between children is not unreconciled without your intervention.
Most of the time, our intervention has become the source of "injustice".
No matter which side is complained, it is inevitable that there will be a lot of grievances.
This aggrievance cannot be guaranteed to become a tumult of resentment. When the next conflict arrives, it appears in a more intense form.
On the contrary, if you are not in a hurry to be that referee, things may develop better.
So, I'm now open to it. On the premise of ensuring safety, you might as well let the conflicts fly for a while and let them try to solve them first.
cannot solve it, so I will remind you from the side.
For example, when DD stole my sister's toys, I asked CC, "Do you have any way to negotiate with him? Come over?"
You will find that after trying it a few times, CC's little brain is becoming more and more flexible, and my younger brother is often easily convinced.
You must always believe that they have the ability to optimize their situation.
Moreover, for the boss, You let him take the lead and devote himself to solving problems, which is much better than giving an answer with one size fits all. .
3
A heart-wrenching fact:
There is a natural competitive relationship between brothers and feet
A mother also asked me, is this fight going on like this? Is there any way to avoid it?
The answer is that it cannot be avoided.
In fact, this naturally existential competitive relationship is a foundation for them to develop a sound personality and gain a foothold in the social environment.
I often say that The conflict between the brothers and feet is a constructive conflict.
Their relationship is indeed always accompanied by disputes, jealousy, anger, and anger... But who can guarantee that after leaving the family, the environment they face will always be peaceful?
The current conflict is equivalent to a drill for the future.
They can learn how to digest emotions, how to understand others, how to express themselves, how to face conflicts, etc. from this drill.
Moreover, the order between is already the safest one.
How good is it to learn competition and cooperation, fairness and rules through quarrels, negotiations, etc. in this safe environment, respect and understanding, and try to solve problems by yourself?
This is a "innate advantage" for families with second children. It is precisely because of brothers and sisters that children can learn to deal with competitive relationships as soon as possible.
Therefore, a positive and good brother-soccer relationship is not a long-term friendship. Only when you experience small storms in your family can you develop your own solution when facing big conflicts in the future.
I have always felt that "insensitiveness" is a kind of wisdom in life.
In parenting, we are used to being sensitive to everything. It seems that only in this way can we prevent children from going to the wrong path.
For example, when a quarrel between children, we are always used to standing up immediately, thinking that only in this way can we solve this problem.
But the older I get, the more I find that in many cases, remains insensitive, not so anxious to make judgments, and not so anxious, which seems unsolvable at the moment, but instead feels like a bright future.
handles the contradiction between the second child, and actually requires us to maintain a little "insensitive".
Look at the "party involved". No matter how fierce the argument is, it will be as good as before. Why should we be so sensitive?
