Text/Lan Ma talks about parenting
Mother has three wishes:
•One wish, the child grows up healthily
•Two wishes, the family is healthy and safe
•Three wishes, the father's work is smooth
What kind of role is the father?
A famous psychologist once said, "The appearance of a father is a relatively special existence, and it also has a special power for the growth and cultivation of children." It can be said that fathers have the role of irreplaceable in the process of their children's growth, and their influence on children's growth is even more should not be underestimated.
father's love is like a mountain, great love is speechless. If you briefly talk about the role of father, I think no father has a fixed image. Some fathers are not good at speaking, and some fathers have rich language. Different images also have different impacts on the growth of children. For example, some fathers who lack the sense of identity of roles will make their children easily weak and lack independent and persistent .
Text/Lan Ma talks about parenting
Mother has three wishes:
•One wish, the child grows up healthily
•Two wishes, the family is healthy and safe
•Three wishes, the father's work is smooth
What kind of role is the father?
A famous psychologist once said, "The appearance of a father is a relatively special existence, and it also has a special power for the growth and cultivation of children." It can be said that fathers have the role of irreplaceable in the process of their children's growth, and their influence on children's growth is even more should not be underestimated.
father's love is like a mountain, great love is speechless. If you briefly talk about the role of father, I think no father has a fixed image. Some fathers are not good at speaking, and some fathers have rich language. Different images also have different impacts on the growth of children. For example, some fathers who lack the sense of identity of roles will make their children easily weak and lack independent and persistent .
In fact, the role of father always gives people an indescribable feeling. When he returns home from afar, he always feels grateful when he sees the loving mother's hand. When he sees the father who is silent in front of the old house, he sees the old straw hat on his head for more than ten years. thousands of words are all in his throat. The father seems to have always been the symbol of silent !
"Why did I come back before I was quiet enough?" It turns out that my father's most failed company was to hurt people by saying bad things
01
My father is a father with a very nagging and even "poisonous"
I am the one who grew up under his father's nagging and a "poisonous" mouth. Until now, seeing his father is still like a mouse seeing a cat
How far can he nag? The same sentence can be repeated for several weeks, how much can
be "toxic"? Can be used to belittle you, even when you go out, you lower your head
When you eat, you are criticized for "Eating meat only, not eating vegetables, what nutrition can it have?"
Then, I think my father dislikes me for eating too much meat
When doing homework, I said, "I don't know how to raise my head, so I don't look like a student."
Then, I think my father dislikes me for being born not It is the material for learning
…
02
Because I have been afraid of my father since I was a child, every year during the Chinese New Year, I hide in my room and dare not go out
As if, everywhere I go, I can hear my father's nagging and disgust
I have been living in such an environment since I was a child, and I have obvious Inferiority
After junior high school, I looked up and was afraid of seeing the teacher, and looked down and looked down and looked at homework questions
When the teacher asked questions, I kept silently chanting in my heart, "Don't draw me, don't draw me."
In fact, the teacher's eyes are so bright and
The child born in junior high school is no longer the primary school students staring at me and asking questions
You don't want to learn or be called to the teacher to answer questions
In the eyes of the teacher, isn't it a "waste time"
Until, in the classroom, the teacher regarded me as air
I know that I am a child who was given up by the teacher and also by my father
So, in my eyes, the role of father is a spiritual blow to me with inferiority !
03
Later, when my father was 43 years old, my sister was born
I found that my father's temper has been restrained a lot
Maybe it was the middle-aged girl who aroused the tenderness of fatherly love
Maybe it was the father's tenderness towards my sister that made me unbalanced
Or maybe it was the age that changed a person's personality
In short, I think my father's past few years There have been a lot of changes
First of all, the mouth is no longer so "poisonous"
04
I thought my father was a good father, but I just haven't learned it yet
Just like when we were a student
I don't understand the importance of learning, and I regretted "not studying hard"
Maybe it was my education "my failed eldest daughter"
Dad devotes all his energy to my younger sister, the little daughter,
Drinking the best milk powder, the most beautiful clothes, and using the best school supplies since childhood
I originally thought that after my father started to become a good father, my sister was happy
At least not like my childhood, and even when I grew up, I was timid to see my father
05
But some time ago, my sister in the third grade was in the third grade. Tell me quietly
"I haven't been quiet enough yet, why is my dad back?"
It turned out that my dad's project was completed ahead of schedule, and I thought about going home to rest for a while
As a result, my sister was not happy at all after hearing this news
She muttered and said, "Dad is so annoyed, and always nagging."
Seeing my sister's reluctance, I guided with a funny look:
"Dad has a much better temper now, your child Year is much happier than me. "
I don't know if my sister can understand it, I don't know if my sister will become the second one. But I gradually understood that behind every nagging father, there is actually a lonely heart.
06
probably realized my timidity and escape, my sister's alienation and rejection
I don't know. From when, I found that my father began to speak less. Speaking of
When I was resting some time ago, I went home.
. My father, who used to interrupt what we said and everything we had to interrupt.
. I found that he started the whole process and didn't say a word.
. For a moment, I felt very uncomfortable.
. No dad's nagging.
. It seemed that the scale rod lost its weight and could not balance
. At the same time, I also saw the loneliness behind my father's silence. I feel sad and dare not touch
07
From that moment on, I decided to be a daughter who "knows my father"
I hope the relationship with my father can start from scratch
I also firmly believe that any relationship needs to be maintained and cultivated
The same sentence, it is clear to state it in different ways
It is obvious that the perception ability and result brought are completely different.
When communicating with colleagues, classmates, and teachers, we all know that we are polite and patient
, but when communicating with our family, we just ignore this point
, many times, the pillar of the bad parent-child relationship
is not the lack of companionship of our father, but we all forget how to communicate
, learn how to communicate, which is also the first step in the development of good parent-child relationship to intimate development!
The role of father grows up, we need to give more time to wait and give more opportunities to develop
Some people say that the role of father is missing
Some people say that the role of father is a failure
In fact, in my opinion, behind these two silent words, there are only several situations that are not conducive to the role of father, such as:
1) The first situation: the role of character is missing
In the growth of children and family education , if you pay attention to observe, you will find a problem, that is, behind every child whose highlights are not obvious enough, there is usually a parent with missing , and this person may be a mother or a father.
Compared with , 10 months of pregnancy, breastfeeding and raising , and growth education, the traditional "male leads the outside and female leads the inside" makes the role of father much less companionship and participation from conditions and traditions than mothers. If you do not pay attention to parent-child companionship, then the role of father will really be in the growth of children.
Therefore, the role of father is a relatively special existence, that is, it requires time and companionship. Behind many fathers of silent are actually some external situations that are not conducive to the blooming of father characters. As we often say, "the missing role" is actually the growth experience brought to children by missing corners and corners.
For example, the following situations:
•Divided family : Dad and mom divorced, the child lives with the mom, and has no father role since childhood to participate in
•Too busy work : Dad works and do business outside all year round, can't live with the child, and has no time to spend more time with
•Physical reasons : Not all dads are superman, some dads may be in poor health and cannot take care of the child
•Section too little : Not all dads are superman, some dads may be in poor health and cannot take care of the child
•Section too little : l4: After returning home, I only know how to play mobile phones and games, I pay too little attention to my children, and my relationship with them is weak
•Irritable personality : Some fathers are born to be nagging, don’t know how to communicate, and they say some harsh words every day
2) The second situation: The role is not successful enough
We often say that there are too many family education in today’s widowed parenting . In fact, many times it is not that the father does not want to develop this role well, but that in the growth of this role, fathers are like young children, prone to lack and confused, and even do not know how to manage this role well.
We can compare any success in career. Isn’t it the success of studying hard, accumulating experience, and ’s difficulties to overcome ? Formal jobs in any profession will be provided with professional pre-job training. The relevant professional knowledge and professional practices before taking up the job will be imprinted in our minds, but the role of parents does not have any training, and once they are on the job, there is no chance of being laid off.
. On this road of growth without any training, it seems that everyone is touching the stones in and crossing the river . Looking for experience based on their feelings. Even if their parents do something wrong, this is a normal and worth understanding. For example, fathers who are often labeled as " missing characters and failed characters "!
Generally, in addition to the external environmental factors of "role is missing", resulting in the inadequate role of the father, there is another situation: the unsuccessful
For example:
•The father exists and has company in the family, but it is not strong enough and not successful enough
•There is a strong mother who often belittles the image of the father in front of the child, so that the child cannot identify with the father
•The child is overly dependent on the mother, and the relationship between parents is not harmonious, and the child is often loyal to the mother, and I hate dad
•Mom is too diligent and takes everything over. Dad has no chance to use it with space to display
•Dad is a wife who is strict in control, lacks masculinity, and cannot establish any majesty in front of children
In the educational environment of the new generation, I often hear a lot of negative labels about dads. Whether it is absent or irresponsible, in fact, we have a little strict positioning requirements for this role. As mentioned above, the role of dad is not innately , which can reflect the greatness of "father's love is like a mountain".
Mom's love is always delicate and gentle, while dad's love always seems rough and deep. The two different ways of expression bring different growth feelings to children. Family education is not just for the mother, but only dad participates. Such family education is perfect.
So, what role should dad play in family education? I think it should be these three roles:
•Participant
•Leader
•Company
First of all, from the perspective of participants,
3 to 4-year-old children are the key period of for children to develop their personality. At this stage, fathers should learn to be in their children's growth, give more support and companionship, and help children shape the sunny, confident, healthy and cheerful personality from their personality. Gradually, whether it is a boy or a girl, this kind of personality development is priceless, and the guiding played by fathers in family education is also irreplaceable.
Secondly, from the perspective of the leader,
If a father wants to understand his child's ideas, he must first participate in the child's growth. The child also needs the participation of his father in order to understand his father's love. However, this love must be based on understanding, tolerance of , and respecting . Even if it is sports, games, cartoons, etc. that children like in life, try to participate and leave a beautiful memory for the child. Even if the child is wrong, as long as the child can accept you, are you still worried that he cannot correctly lead the child to the right path?
Finally, from the perspective of companioners,
companionship is a beautiful thing, and should not be based on the unhealthy verbal rhetoric of . It is wrong and even more irresponsible for parents who accompany their children to grow up, because they have never corrected their vision from the beginning.
Only by truly integrating yourself into your child’s growth and accompanying him to to participate, think, and even to practice . When we can become a partnership with our children, you are a great parent and a happy parent!
accompany your children to grow up. This process is not simple. We who have not received professional training need to integrate into our children in life and constantly explore, and finally find a way to adapt to each other’s lives and communication!
If you think the role of father is not successful enough, or this role is missing, if it is a mother, you should give your father more opportunities to experience growth with your children and encourage and support them. If you are the children of your children, you need to understand, tolerate, comfort and guidance more.
After all, fathers are just like children, and they don’t know anything. Everyone is each other and needs mutual guidance and progress together. Isn’t it?
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Compared with , 10 months of pregnancy, breastfeeding and raising , and growth education, the traditional "male leads the outside and female leads the inside" makes the role of father much less companionship and participation from conditions and traditions than mothers. If you do not pay attention to parent-child companionship, then the role of father will really be in the growth of children.
Therefore, the role of father is a relatively special existence, that is, it requires time and companionship. Behind many fathers of silent are actually some external situations that are not conducive to the blooming of father characters. As we often say, "the missing role" is actually the growth experience brought to children by missing corners and corners.
For example, the following situations:
•Divided family : Dad and mom divorced, the child lives with the mom, and has no father role since childhood to participate in
•Too busy work : Dad works and do business outside all year round, can't live with the child, and has no time to spend more time with
•Physical reasons : Not all dads are superman, some dads may be in poor health and cannot take care of the child
•Section too little : Not all dads are superman, some dads may be in poor health and cannot take care of the child
•Section too little : l4: After returning home, I only know how to play mobile phones and games, I pay too little attention to my children, and my relationship with them is weak
•Irritable personality : Some fathers are born to be nagging, don’t know how to communicate, and they say some harsh words every day
2) The second situation: The role is not successful enough
We often say that there are too many family education in today’s widowed parenting . In fact, many times it is not that the father does not want to develop this role well, but that in the growth of this role, fathers are like young children, prone to lack and confused, and even do not know how to manage this role well.
We can compare any success in career. Isn’t it the success of studying hard, accumulating experience, and ’s difficulties to overcome ? Formal jobs in any profession will be provided with professional pre-job training. The relevant professional knowledge and professional practices before taking up the job will be imprinted in our minds, but the role of parents does not have any training, and once they are on the job, there is no chance of being laid off.
. On this road of growth without any training, it seems that everyone is touching the stones in and crossing the river . Looking for experience based on their feelings. Even if their parents do something wrong, this is a normal and worth understanding. For example, fathers who are often labeled as " missing characters and failed characters "!
Generally, in addition to the external environmental factors of "role is missing", resulting in the inadequate role of the father, there is another situation: the unsuccessful
For example:
•The father exists and has company in the family, but it is not strong enough and not successful enough
•There is a strong mother who often belittles the image of the father in front of the child, so that the child cannot identify with the father
•The child is overly dependent on the mother, and the relationship between parents is not harmonious, and the child is often loyal to the mother, and I hate dad
•Mom is too diligent and takes everything over. Dad has no chance to use it with space to display
•Dad is a wife who is strict in control, lacks masculinity, and cannot establish any majesty in front of children
In the educational environment of the new generation, I often hear a lot of negative labels about dads. Whether it is absent or irresponsible, in fact, we have a little strict positioning requirements for this role. As mentioned above, the role of dad is not innately , which can reflect the greatness of "father's love is like a mountain".
Mom's love is always delicate and gentle, while dad's love always seems rough and deep. The two different ways of expression bring different growth feelings to children. Family education is not just for the mother, but only dad participates. Such family education is perfect.
So, what role should dad play in family education? I think it should be these three roles:
•Participant
•Leader
•Company
First of all, from the perspective of participants,
3 to 4-year-old children are the key period of for children to develop their personality. At this stage, fathers should learn to be in their children's growth, give more support and companionship, and help children shape the sunny, confident, healthy and cheerful personality from their personality. Gradually, whether it is a boy or a girl, this kind of personality development is priceless, and the guiding played by fathers in family education is also irreplaceable.
Secondly, from the perspective of the leader,
If a father wants to understand his child's ideas, he must first participate in the child's growth. The child also needs the participation of his father in order to understand his father's love. However, this love must be based on understanding, tolerance of , and respecting . Even if it is sports, games, cartoons, etc. that children like in life, try to participate and leave a beautiful memory for the child. Even if the child is wrong, as long as the child can accept you, are you still worried that he cannot correctly lead the child to the right path?
Finally, from the perspective of companioners,
companionship is a beautiful thing, and should not be based on the unhealthy verbal rhetoric of . It is wrong and even more irresponsible for parents who accompany their children to grow up, because they have never corrected their vision from the beginning.
Only by truly integrating yourself into your child’s growth and accompanying him to to participate, think, and even to practice . When we can become a partnership with our children, you are a great parent and a happy parent!
accompany your children to grow up. This process is not simple. We who have not received professional training need to integrate into our children in life and constantly explore, and finally find a way to adapt to each other’s lives and communication!
If you think the role of father is not successful enough, or this role is missing, if it is a mother, you should give your father more opportunities to experience growth with your children and encourage and support them. If you are the children of your children, you need to understand, tolerate, comfort and guidance more.
After all, fathers are just like children, and they don’t know anything. Everyone is each other and needs mutual guidance and progress together. Isn’t it?
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