1
Some time ago, I received a private message from a mother, who told me about this:
"I am very emotional and get angry at all times. Sometimes my child does a small thing wrong, such as forgetting to wash his hands after going to the bathroom, and I will yell at him.
It is also difficult for me to control my emotions outside. Once my child was fighting with another child at school. The teacher called me. I heard that my child was scratched on the face. I immediately asked for leave from the unit, rushed to his school, and then had a big fight with another child's parents, which made my child very embarrassed.
From that incident, the teacher said that the child became very introverted. I don’t like to talk when I was in the class and don’t want to contact any classmates.
I asked the child if it was because other children joined forces to bully you?
The child’s response was that he thought that the incident of me going to school to argue with the other party made him feel ashamed. That child was. Many classmates in the class said that his mother was terrible.
I really didn’t expect that my behavior hurt the child, and now I don’t know what to do. ”
After reading this private message, I want to comfort this mother first. It is understandable to hold on to the wrongs for the child. Whose parents don’t love the child and don’t feel sorry for the child?
But sometimes what we do for our children is obviously out of love, but we backfire because of our emotions.
2
We go back to this mother's letter. When she knew that her child was "bullied" at school, her emotions suddenly became angry, and under the influence of this emotion, her behavior would become accusation and criticism of the other party.
But if this mother is in a relatively stable mood, then she will calm down and think: In this fight, not only my child is at a disadvantage, but he will also hit others?
If you can think so, then the mother will not run to school impulsively and yell at the children's parents, so that the child will not be rejected in the class.
Of course, most parents' emotions are relatively stable, and they may occasionally have impulsive moments, but for children, they do not understand what parents' impulsive means.
When parents are impulsive, they actually convey negative emotions to their children, and they will feel at a loss and even fear.
After a long time, in order to avoid parents' excessive behaviors or some extreme words, children will silently keep many things in their hearts.
What happens in school or conflicts with classmates will be hidden, because parents' anger and impulses are more terrifying than solving these troubles.
Therefore, parents' emotional stability is very important for their children's growth.
Here, I will give you some tips for managing emotions.
1. Give yourself a psychological hint
Whenever you are emotional, parents can silently recite a sentence in their hearts to cool down their emotions, such as: "Life is beautiful and cute, I am the best, I can't be angry."
Of course, if you have other psychological hints that are better, you can also use them.
The effect of psychological suggestion is to slowly weaken our negative emotions in a short period of time. It is generally applicable when suddenly anger and want to get angry.
2. Change the environment and calm down for 80 seconds
If you were in the living room at that time, because of something, you began to be impatient, angry, and even had the urge to quarrel with your children or family, then you can quickly leave the living room.
Because at this moment, the living room environment will make you continue to get angry, so you need to go to another room, or go downstairs to the outdoors.
Then give yourself 80 seconds to cool down your emotions. If you feel that 80 seconds is not enough, you can slowly increase the time.
The principle of doing this is that we have already developed anger in a certain environment, so if we stay in this environment, our emotions will only gradually rise.
In this process, you need to take a deep breath to help relieve anger. Basically, after you calm down for 80 seconds, your emotions will slowly weaken.
3. You should learn to balance your emotions
Everything has two sides. The reason why we always feel angry about something is because we don’t see the other side of things.
For example, children fight with classmates at school, which is indeed a bad thing, but through this, we can teach children how to interact with classmates, or how to resolve conflicts with classmates. Will not this strengthen children's social ability?
So, when we focus on the good side of things, not only will our emotions stabilize, but our children can also make progress slowly.
3
After talking about how to manage emotions, let’s talk about how to solve the problem of “impulsive parenting”.
is actually very simple. Parents only need to know two things:
First, children experience some difficulties in their growth process, such as having conflicts with friends, quarrels or fights. This is normal. What we need to do is not to criticize or punish anyone, but to guide the child correctly so that he can grow in this matter.
Second, we need to let go of appropriately and give children a certain space for self-growth. Children are also independent individuals, and we should not interfere too much, so as parents, we should try our best to let go and let the children grow up by themselves. Of course, the premise of is that we must do a good job of backing up, one is to ensure the safety of the children, and the other is to help them in time.
Instead of being a control and commander in the process of children's growth, it is better to be an listener and guide.
Of course, it’s the first time we are a parent, we will inevitably hurt our children. If you feel that something is not done properly, then you should also apologize to your children in time!
If one day you communicate with your children calmly, it means you have bid farewell to the "impulsive parents".
Finally, do you have any small ways to manage emotions? You can share it in the message area!
