Some time ago, I went to a friend’s house to be a guest and happened to see my friend’s child doing homework in his small study.
This little boy is in the fourth grade this year. He is not writing quickly, but is staring blankly and stunned from time to time. It took him a long time to write a few words.
The little boy's mother saw it and couldn't help but feel a little anxious. She hurriedly said to the child: "Baby, don't be too slow, write quickly, and I will promise you to play with your phone after writing!"
"Really? Then I want to play for one hour!"
"Okay, as long as you finish your homework, you will play with your phone for one hour. You must finish your homework quickly!" Mom agreed hurriedly.
After hearing this from his mother, the child was as if he had changed his own homework and quickly started to do his homework. After a while, he finished the homework that he had to spend an hour or two and had not finished.
After the child finished his homework, he immediately ran to his mother and asked to redeem the reward for playing with his mobile phone.
Although the mother knows that letting her child play with her mobile phone is not a good thing, she has to agree to the child’s request because she has promised her reward before. Scenarios like
often occur in many families. Parents are using an unreasonable reward for playing with their mobile phones in exchange for the children's requirements for cooperating with homework. In fact, it is equivalent to "demolting the east wall and repairing the west wall". Treating the symptoms but not the root cause can only temporarily solve the current problems, but it has caused endless consequences.
Parents who are often used to doing this will gradually find that the more they go, the less useful it will be, and the more difficult it is for children to discipline, and parents are actually "diging a big hole" for themselves.
The biggest "pit" of course is not the embarrassing situation where parents are trapped in a dilemma, but the reward method of "promise at the expense of long-term interests" will not only fail to fundamentally solve the problem, but will also make children lose interest in learning very quickly. The reason is that children do not actively learn because of their own love for learning, but to achieve some external purpose (such as to get the opportunity to play electronic games, etc.).
In short, it means that the child’s own learning drive has been destroyed by the wrong educational behavior of adults.
This has caused many children to fall into a vicious circle of learning only for material rewards.
01 Psychologists use experiments to reveal the "truth" of rewards
Half a century ago, psychology experts once conducted a very interesting experiment, which revealed the relationship between learning internal motivation and rewards.
Experts walked into a kindergarten and randomly divided a group of preschool children into three experimental groups: A, B, and C.
- A group - "Fixed Reward" group. Experts let these children know in advance that if they draw with watercolor brushes, they can get a lollipop and a certificate. In other words, this reward is actually fixed, and every child knows that as long as he draws, he can get a reward.
- B group - "Random Reward" group. After the children drew with colorful brushes for a long time, they were unexpectedly rewarded. In other words, the children in Group B do not know that they will receive rewards after painting, and this reward method is random.
- C group—“No reward” group. The children in this experimental group have no rewards whether they have drawn or not.
A week later, psychology experts observed these three groups of children and found a strange phenomenon: the longest time for
is not the imagined group A, but the children in Group B insist on drawing for the longest time, followed by Group C, and finally the A group A who won the prize, the average time is only half of the "no reward" group.
This experiment reveals a truth: the harm of "fixed reward" to children's growth cannot be underestimated and will erase children's original interest in learning.
But the problem is that many parents do not realize this and are accustomed to using "fixed rewards" to reward children's correct behaviors, but the result is that the correct behaviors of children are difficult to develop; using "random rewards" to reward children's bad behaviors will become bad behaviors that encourage children.
02 "Random Reward" is the reward that can best promote children's progress
The "fixed reward" and "no reward" mentioned above are not valid rewards. So, what is an effective reward?
From the above experiment, we can clearly see that "random reward" is the effective reward that can best promote children's progress. The success of
"random reward" is that this reward method is unruly. It is different from "fixed reward" without mystery, and it is also different from "no reward" without "hope". "Random reward" is precisely because of the lack of regularity that it can effectively arouse children's interest and motivation to complete learning tasks.
"Random Reward" can only be used in children's good behaviors and can truly play a role. Once it is used on bad behaviors of children, such as in order to stop crying and calm down quickly, parents will stuff their children with their mobile phones or tablets, which is equivalent to encouraging their children to continue making mistakes.
03 The actual application of "random reward" in children's learning process
How do we apply "random reward" to children's learning to achieve the purpose of independent learning and loving learning?
1. Give children a "random reward" in time
We should not wait until the child completes a big task before rewarding the child. Instead, when every time the child completes a small task, we will give rewards in time. This method of rewards from time to time will greatly promote children's progress.
This reward can be a material reward, a spiritual reward, or a reward for enjoying certain rights such as free time control. Younger children can focus on material rewards, while older children can gradually increase the proportion of mental rewards.
2. Let children start from what they are best at
Let children start from what they are best at first, which will make it easier for children to gain psychological satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment. This good mood will naturally affect other aspects and form a virtuous cycle of development.
3. We should treat things that are beneficial to children's growth as rewards
In the "random reward" model, the biggest misunderstanding is to treat bad behaviors as the "magic weapon" to reward children. For example, in life, some parents often use allowing their children to play with their mobile phones, tablets, etc. as rewards in exchange for their children's non-noisy, obedient and obedient. This is actually a behavior that is not worth the loss.
The correct way to do this is to treat things that are beneficial to children's growth as rewards, such as rewarding children with a set of books; taking children to visit libraries, science and technology museums; allowing children to be free for one hour; meeting children's reasonable requirements in certain aspects, etc. These are all very suitable reward content.
Conclusion
Many times, we often do not know our own mistakes, which leads to difficulties in educating our children. Only by breaking out of the fixed pattern of thinking can we clear the dark side, eliminate obstacles that hinder their progress and growth, and achieve the educational purpose of making children a better self!
