I have been feeling mixed in my heart when I saw such a news these days.
A children's playground in Xiaogan, Hubei Province, the children were playing on the slide when suddenly a "wow" cry came.
A boy kicked a little girl.
The girl's father came after hearing the news. Seeing that his baby was crying so distressing, he reached out and slapped the other mother twice without saying a word.
Seeing that his wife and children were bullied, the boy's father jumped in and punched and kicked the person who hit him.
The scene was once chaotic.
Both parents, I can feel the anxiety, tension and grievance in my heart when my child is bullied, but no matter what, it should not be presented to my child in this way.
3 children's psychology expert Heim G. Ginault said:
" Children learn from experience. They are like wet and soft cement, and every word and sentence they hear will leave a mark on them. "
Every move of parents shines into the world of their children.
, especially when the child is bullied, the way and attitude of parents will affect him for his whole life.
beat him back roughly, the child was arrogant and unreasonable
There was a survey online, the child was bullied, should he beat him back?
80% of parents think they want to fight back, otherwise they will be bullied in the future.
teaches children to protect themselves and fight back, but blindly encourages children to fight violence with violence. The negative impact of doing so is far beyond our expectations.
Recently, I encountered such a real experience.
One morning, my daughter's teacher posted a video of her physical education class in the class group. In the corner of the video, a little girl kept pushing and pulling another little girl beside her, and her movements were a bit strong.
After a while, the girl who was pushed was scolded in the group "remotely", and a lot of swear words broke out, and threatened, "I will push my daughter to death after school," he said.
sent more than a dozen voices in a series, and couldn't stop the car at all. The teacher explained, "This child is not pushing, but pulling. If you want to pull her in line, it may be because she is not serious." She still refused to give up.
After school in the afternoon, she really took her family to the school to block the door and asked the child who pushed the person to make a beat.
Fortunately, the security guard appeared in time, and the other party's parents were also kind-hearted, and the matter finally stopped.
Later I asked my daughter what the personality of the girl who was pushed was. The daughter said:
"She is so fierce, she always makes trouble in the class, and the teacher doesn't listen to her words. No one likes to play with her."
Hearing this, I remembered a sentence again:
"What kind of parents are like, what kind of children are like."
can't stand the loss of their children. When they see that their children are "bullied", they will get angry and used to using violence to fight violence. Most of the children raised by parents also follow the example.
blindly "protecting your shortcomings" and "strengthening your lead" will not only not solve the problem, but will also make the child think that "fighting back" is the correct way.
This will cultivate a child's revenge mentality and may also deprive him of his ability to solve problems correctly, resulting in problems in his personality and social relationships.
Countering violence with violence is by no means the best way to protect children.
A sentence "It doesn't matter", destroys the child's sense of security
Compared with the call back, some parents who value peace will choose to let their children not care about it.
always thinks that bumps and bumps between children are inevitable, so there is no need to be too exaggerated.
However, if the child really encounters malicious bullying or school bullying, the parents also say "it's okay". The child will only think that the parents do not value themselves, and become inferior and insecure in the long-term helplessness. Mi Tao in the TV series " Xiaoshede " was excluded and isolated by her classmates Huanhuan at school.
Huanhuan first deliberately skipped Mitao when she posted her homework book, and then she attracted other students to not play with Mitao, and even pushed Mitao to the ground.
Mitao was deeply aggrieved and ran home to cry to his mother.
Result Mother's first reaction was not to comfort her, but to advise her, "You are the sister, give in to her a little bit."
Seeing her protest and constantly defending herself, my mother not only did not realize the seriousness of the problem, but also began to become impatient.
reminds her to be sensible and generous, and the implication is "Don't look for trouble without any trouble."
After listening to my mother's perfunctory words, Mi Tao collapsed and burst into tears.
In the TV series, the head teacher Zhang later comforted Mi Tao and successfully resolved the conflict between Mi Tao and Huanhuan.
But in the original novel, Mi Tao's ending is not so beautiful.
But as her parents constantly ask her to be sensible, she became depressed and inferior, and finally suffered from depression .
Li Meijin Professor said:
" Children's feelings are often determined by the attitude of parents. "
Hope to be valued by parents, loved and paid attention to by parents, and to have parents stand up for themselves when encountering things. This is the greatest hope of every child in childhood.
Especially when he is wronged and injured, he is most sensitive, panicked and inferior.
But if the parents cannot see his inner voice and selectively ignore it, it will be a desperate situation for him without response.
3 Children are bullied, Smart Parents 3 plot
That problem comes, it’s not right to fight, it’s not okay to care about it, it’s a fact that the child is bullied, what should parents do?
share the experience of education expert Yin Jianli teacher.
My daughter was bullied by a little boy in the class when she was in elementary school. The other party always likes to pull her braids in class, throw her books after class, and even deliberately stretches out her feet to trip her up.
Just as I learned about this, Yin Jianli thought that something was not big. While hoping that her daughter could solve these problems by herself, she was looking for a suitable opportunity to come forward.
One day my daughter went home and was in a low mood. She just entered the house and went to change clothes and wash her hair. After asking for a long time, she found out that the other party hugged her and kissed her hair.
is obvious, this matter has broken the bottom line.
The husband was very angry when he heard this and wanted to ask the other parent to beat the boy, but Yin Jianli felt it was inappropriate and decided to see the boy first. When she saw her, she revealed her identity and found that the boy was a little nervous, so she squatted down and communicated with the boy patiently and seriously.
It is this gentleness and attentiveness that made the boy realize his behavior problems, and no similar "bullying" incidents occurred again.
For this reason, Teacher Yin Jianli wrote in the book:
"Every child may encounter bad classmates in school. If parents need to come forward, the purpose should be to help the child solve problems and resolve conflicts, rather than to protect them.
Love children, help them create a harmonious situation and don't cause trouble for them."
deeply agrees.
The child is bullied, not a simple "it doesn't matter" or a rough "beat back". You must always consider it in the child's situation: What should you do by yourself? Is it the most direct support and the most powerful protection for him?
You might as well try these three methods.
1. Calmly distinguish and avoid "make a big deal".
The first thing parents should do most is "Calm ".
If the child is in a low mood, first comfort him and accompany him so that he can feel the warmth and peace of mind of his parents around him.
After the negative emotions of the child are over, listen carefully to him telling the whole story of the matter and give him a chance to express it.
If you find that it is just a friction between children, an unconscious collision, not a real bullying or bullying, then don’t make a big deal.
reminds the child that next time you encounter something similar, you can directly tell the other party that you are uncomfortable and unhappy, so that the other party can understand that you will not always tolerate.
or report to the teacher and ask for help and protection from the teacher.
2. Intervene in time when encountering "real bullying".
This situation is treated in two ways:
(1) If parents are present -
Seeing that the children are being treated "overly", you must first separate the children to remind you that this behavior is wrong.
If the other party’s parents are also present, explain the situation and reasons and leave the work of educating children to their parents.
(2) If parents are not present -
Afterwards, it is found that the child has obvious psychological discomfort, nervousness, panic, and fear of socializing. Parents should listen to their children's voices and guide their children to vent negative emotions.
At the same time, actively report the situation to the teacher or communicate with the other party’s parents.
Let the child know that parents always stand by his side and support him and protect him, and prevent him from being bullied by bad people.
3. Teach children to face "social conflicts" correctly.
After all, children live in a social circle of interpersonal relationships and always come into contact with peers, or older brothers and sisters who are older than themselves.
teaches him the correct skills of handling conflicts, and it is far better to keep him by his side at all times and protect him meticulously.
can use some social picture books to let children substitute them in the form of stories and learn how to deal with conflicts.
For example, "Say "No" loudly" series of bullying pictures books, "Learn to Love Yourself" bravely express picture books, "Nori's Story", "Hey! I'm not afraid of you", "Can you be bullied, can you beat me back?", "You can't bully me", etc.
Or watch with your children and learn to protect yourself and correctly handle interpersonal relationships, such as "No one wants it", "Little Rope", "Transfer Student Little Hedgehog", " Lost and Found ", etc.
Tell children the correct way to deal with it. In addition to guiding children to learn to get along with others, they can also establish their awareness of rights and self-protection, so that they can have the education of not bullying others and the aura of not being bullied.
Child psychology expert Dr. Mona B. Shure said:
If children can learn to deal with typical daily problems, they are unlikely to be impulsive, numb, introvert, aggressive or anti-social .
Children grow up all the way, and every step requires careful care and guidance.
As the first teacher of our children, our parents' leading by example is equally important.
When he sees his parents calm and calm when dealing with social conflicts, he will also know what to do and what not to do, and slowly grow and become mature.
Therefore, only by giving the child the confidence to "I can solve problems", he can live in harmony with others and become a confident and self-disciplined "social expert".
together.
