After get off work, Qiu Bo began to do charity psychological counseling. (Picture source: Photo provided by the interviewee)
When you get home from get off work every day, after dinner, Qiu Bo will habitually open laptop to check the questions raised by the helpers.
"What should I do if my child is rebellious recently? "When my child is taking online classes, he always browses other websites. We often quarrel. How should we communicate?"... Faced with these various requests for help, Qiu Bo will patiently answer them one by one and give professional advice.
Qiu Bo, 41 years old this year, is an operator of a well-known Internet manufacturer in China. In his spare time, he is a public welfare psychological counselor. Qiu Bo has been doing this for 14 years in
. Since 2008, under the leadership of the company's internal charity organization, Qiu Bo has visited students from the deaf and mute school and donated money and materials to left-behind children in rural areas. She said: "After accumulating many years of public welfare experience, I began to think about whether I can take the initiative to lead others to do some public welfare?"
Once, when I was communicating children's education methods with a rural committee teacher, Qiu Bo realized that children's mental health problems are very important, "because I am also a mother of two children, and I hope to contribute my own meager strength in my heart."
That's it. In 2020, Qiu Bo led several colleagues to establish the "Youth and Children's Spiritual Guardian Group" in the company, and hold relevant lectures within the company from time to time. In the same year, Qiu Bo obtained the psychological counselor certificate and began to solve the "growth troubles" for his children and parents through public welfare psychological counseling. Today, Qiu Bo has helped hundreds of children and families.
"Children will inevitably encounter setbacks in their growth. When I use professional knowledge to 'pull them', guide them to face emotions correctly and help them solve problems, I feel that I am not in vain." Qiu Bo told the reporter of "Fangyuan".
Find the "stick point" in the child's heart
In July this year, it was about to be the day for the high school entrance examination, Xiao Liang (pseudonym), a boy from the third year of junior high school, still refused to go to school. At the same time, Xiaoliang always feels bored and often suffers from insomnia at night. Faced with Xiaoliang's condition, his family was very anxious. Under the introduction of a friend, Xiaoliang's uncle found Qiu Bo.
From Xiaoliang's uncle, Qiu Bo learned that Xiaoliang's condition had lasted for several months. " Xiaoliang went to see a doctor, was diagnosed with a childhood emotional disorder, and took anti-anxiety drugs for a period of time. But the situation has not improved. ," Qiu Bo introduced.
"What's wrong with Xiaoliang? What should we do?" Faced with Xiaoliang's parents' questions and concerns, in order to better understand Xiaoliang's problems, Qiu Bo decided to conduct a one-on-one video psychological consultation with Xiaoliang. Xiaoliang on the other end of the video looks a little shy, with his head buried: "I'm just annoyed. When I see my parents, I'm very annoyed. I'm very annoyed. I don't want to go to school and can't sleep." Xiaoliang's voice was vague, "It seems like I can't come out in my throat."
Looking at Xiaoliang in front of him, Qiu Bo realized: "This child just felt annoyed, but couldn't explain the reason clearly. I have to guide him to find the reasons for the negative emotions before he can help him solve the problem."
Qiu Bo took out a set of "heart puppets" and prepared to use this set of tools to guide Xiaoliang to express himself. The so-called "heart doll" is a set of wooden doll-shaped objects of different colors. Puppet psychological play therapy through "heart puppets" is a healing technique often used by psychological counselors in practice. Qiu Bo arranged the "heart puppet" and asked Xiaoliang to choose one from it to represent himself.
Under Qiu Bo's guidance, Xiao Liang put on the "heart puppet". (Picture source: Photo provided by the interviewee)
Xiaoliang raised his head, looked at the "heart doll" in front of him and said, "The blue one."Qiu Bo picked up the blue "heart doll" and placed it on the desktop.
" You choose another mood that represents your current irritability and anxiety. "Qiu Bo said.
This time, Xiaoliang chose an orange-red "heart doll", and Qiu Bo placed it in front of the blue "heart doll". "Which color "heart doll" do you want to use for people or things related to your irritability and anxiety? "Qiu Bo continued to guide.
Xiaoliang hesitated a little. After thinking for a while, he chose a pink "heart doll". Qiu Bo placed it next to the orange-red "heart doll".
"Can you tell me the story about this pink "heart doll" now? "Qiu Bo asked. Xiaoliang's eyes were on the pink "heart doll" and said, "This is one of my classmates. ”
In Xiaoliang's story, Qiu Bo learned that in a class a few months ago, Xiaoliang was answering a question and a female classmate who was dozing off next to him. After class, the girl asked the teacher to complain. "She must have said a lot of bad things about me, and then the teacher criticized me. I was wronged. "Xiaoliang said to Qiu Bo.
"I was very happy to listen to his story because we found the problems that have always troubled him, which is a key step to help him get out of negative emotions. " Qiu Bo also told the reporter of "Fangyuan" that in most cases, children who come to consult will not easily open their hearts to strangers. "'Xind Puppet' plays a bridge, helping children gradually open up the entanglements and pains hidden in their hearts without realizing it, and express them to me."
After positioning Xiaoliang's inner "stop point", Qiu Bo also understood the reason why Xiaoliang was unwilling to go to school. "He doesn't know how to resolve the conflicts with classmates, nor how to communicate with teachers, so he is trapped in negative emotions and chooses to escape. At this time, I have to guide him to find a solution to the problem. "Qiu Bo said.
In the later consultation, Xiaoliang told Qiu Bo about his hobby of playing basketball and talked about his favorite team. "I can clearly feel that the 'brother' on him is much lighter, and his voice is more relaxed than at the beginning. ”
Seeing Xiaoliang gradually relaxing expression, Qiu Bo felt relieved. At the end of July, Xiaoliang also took the high school entrance examination normally.
" There is a concept in psychology called 'Seeing is healing'. Many children trapped in negative emotions often don’t know where they are stuck, and they will get deeper and deeper into negative emotions. And what I have to do is help them find the "stop point" in their hearts and guide them to find a way to resolve the "stop point". "
Qiu Bo feels that children are very smart, but they just need appropriate guidance, and she is happy to point out a road to the sun for those children who are temporarily trapped in the haze.
One-on-one companion left-behind children
Under the contact of members of the "Youth Children's Spiritual Guardian Group", Qiu Bo and her colleagues also pay attention to left-behind children living in rural areas of Yunnan Province.
"We connect with teachers in rural schools, and the teachers will recommend students to form 'pairs' with us, and we accompany children one-on-one, videos with them regularly every week and chat with them. "Qiu Bo told the reporter of Fangyuan that the students recommended by the teacher are all "relatively withdrawn or more extreme". " Some children are not grown up by their parents since childhood, and are often more sensitive and fragile in their hearts. We act as 'big brother' and 'big sister', giving them company and guidance. "
" The child writes in his diary every day that he 'hate school' and 'hate classmates' and wants to commit suicide'. Can you help her? "In June this year, Xiaopeng's mother (pseudonym) returned home from another place to work and saw Xiaopeng's diary. She then contacted Qiu Bo through the school teacher and asked her for help.
After learning about Xiaopeng's situation, Qiu Bo's heart was "relived". Xiaopeng was a child who was accompanied by Qiu Bo from a distance and was in the fourth grade of elementary school at the time. Xiaopeng's mother told Qiu Bo that Xiaopeng had poor grades, had no friends in the class, and had a bad relationship with his classmates. "This child cannot integrate into the class and is isolated," said Qiu Bo.
In Qiu Bo's opinion, children like Xiaopeng who cannot integrate into the group are lacking confidence and confused in their hearts. What she can do is to let him realize his strengths first and help him find confidence. In the past communication with Xiaopeng, Qiu Bo learned that Xiaopeng likes painting very much, "every time he talks about painting, he is very excited."
Later, every time I communicated with Xiaopeng’s video, Qiu Bo would take the initiative to ask Xiaopeng what paintings he had drawn recently and asked Xiaopeng to show her his works. Qiu Bo found that Xiaopeng was a little embarrassed at first, but later he actively showed the painting to her, "He is very happy that I am willing to pay attention to his interests and hobbies, and I often praise him for his good painting."
Qiu Bo also told Xiaopeng that he can become a fashion designer in the future and give full play to his hobbies and expertise. "I mentioned the painting he loved repeatedly to make him realize his value and establish recognition of himself."
In addition, Qiu Bo will also share with Xiaopeng her experience of dating with classmates. "When I was young, I saw my classmates ignore me and say hello to me when I was walking on the road. I would also think that he didn't like me. It was not until I took the initiative to ask that I realized that he was just in a bad mood that day."
Qiu Bo told the reporter of "Fangyuan" that she was inspiring Xiaopeng. The communication with classmates was far less complicated than he imagined. After taking the initiative to take the "first step" of communication, she might have unexpected gains.
In addition to sharing his own paintings, Xiaopeng will also share interesting things that happened between him and his friends in the class with Qiu Bo in the video. "These are all good signals. He began to become positive and no longer felt that everything was 'annoying'. " Qiu Bo said.
Now, Qiu Bo has always kept his attention to Xiaopeng, but such attention has "limits". "I can't fully help him solve all problems in , let alone answer questions, so that the child will have dependencies on ."
In Qiu Bo's opinion, she can only walk a short walk with children like Xiaopeng. "The important thing is to lead them to think and cultivate their ability to actively solve problems. In this way, even if we are away from us 'big brothers' and 'big sisters', they can still face life optimistically and bravely." Qiu Bo feels that this is the true meaning of one-on-one companionship for left-behind children.
Every negative emotion has positive meaning
Qiu Bo (right) organized lectures on children's mental health within the company. (Picture source: Photo provided by the interviewee)
In the past two years of engaging in public welfare psychological counseling, Qiu Bo has also come into contact with many families who come to ask for help. Qiu Bo found that these families often have some commonalities.
"On the one hand, these parents lack parenting knowledge and do not know how to communicate with their children. They will discipline their children in the form of 'roaring' and 'command'. On the other hand, parents' control over their emotions is not very good, and it will invisibly affect the children's negative emotions."
However, Qiu Bo feels that exposing problems in the family is not a bad thing. Discovering problems early is conducive to timely solving them. "As long as you treat them correctly, there is positive meaning behind every negative emotion."
In Qiu Bo's view, When you discover your child's bad habits or negative emotions, parents should not only remind them to "not do this", but also remember to tell their children "how to do it"."Only after parents have such thinking, they can communicate with their children equally, cultivate their children's ability to solve problems, help their children develop good behavioral habits, and face life positively and optimistically."
Qiu Bo admitted that she herself has grown up during the process of engaging in public welfare psychological counseling. "I pay more attention to my emotions." Qiu Bo found that his emotions have become more and more stable in the past two years, and he will take the initiative to think in a good direction when encountering things. "In the process of helping them solve problems, my ability to deal with problems is also improving ."
As a large factory operator, she is very busy at work, and Qiu Bo often feels unable to do so, but she still loves the "part-time job" of charity psychological counseling. "The satisfaction and accomplishment obtained in helping others solve problems can promote me to work and life more devotedly."
In the future, Qiu Bo wants to do his best to radiate to more people, "continue to use professional power to help those 'trapped' by emotions find the 'exit' of their souls."
(This article has been deleted. For more content, please pay attention to Fangyuan in the next issue of September)
The original title of this magazine: "When a large factory operator does psychological counseling"
This article is an original manuscript of Fangyuan magazine. When reprinting, please indicate the author in a conspicuous position and indicate the source: Fangyuan (ID: fangyuanmagazine).
