In layman's terms, people have both the need to connect and maintain their own boundaries, leaving only room for thinking and breathing for themselves.
From humanistic psychologist Maslow hierarchy theory , it can be seen that sex and attack are at the bottom of demand, so the motivation is also the strongest.
The motivation of all our human behaviors basically comes from these two forces.
People are born with attachment motivation and are also part of human nature. Seeking and maintaining contact with important others is the basic motivation that humans have for life.
attachment and attachment-related emotions are characteristics of intimate relationships.
The lack of attachment to important others can cause pain and anxiety, and people will have strong emotional reactions, and they will have typical reactions of angrily protesting, holding on, hesitating, despair, and until emotional withdrawal.
The so-called attachment refers to the tendency of an individual to form a strong emotional bond with others with special meaning.
Our intimacy comes from the instinct of attachment.
And sex is to establish relationships.
At the same time, people are born with the need for love and belonging, so sex drives us to desire to establish various relationships with people just to drive away the loneliness that cannibalize people.
Speaking of attacks, it will indeed temporarily alienate the relationship, but at the same time, it will leave us with sufficient personal space to protect ourselves from invasion.
By attacking, you can fully retain your personality and independence.
Sex and attack sound darker. If you change it to another group of words, love and freedom sound much more sunny and beautiful, but in fact they are essentially the same.
The essence of love is still to bring us closer to others, to make ourselves no longer lonely, and to enjoy the warmth and beauty in the relationship.
Existentialist philosophy said that the meaning of life is that I choose, I am free, and I am happy.
So, freedom is the root of happiness and happiness.
If you want to gain freedom, you must learn to be angry and attack.
Because narcissism is a person's greatest instinct motivation, everyone has a more or less control desire, and they inevitably want to impose their will on others.
So, at this time, if you want to continue to have free space, you must rely on anger and attack to distance yourself from the imposed person, otherwise you will slowly lose the opportunity to choose and become a hollow person without thoughts.
Anger is a direct reaction to invasion.
Emotions are not good or bad, only positive or negative, and they are part of life.
And anger is a signal first, it reminds you that someone has invaded your space too much, or even overly controlled you.
At this time, if you feel anger and understand the signals from anger, then you will understand that no matter how beautiful the reason is, you will do your best to fight and defend yourself.
At this time, you regard anger as an opportunity to achieve psychological self-leap.
The most common invasion comes from the closest people, such as parents, spouse, relatives, friends and colleagues.
The closer the relationship is, the easier it is for the intruder to use a high-sounding excuse, and the sentence he said unconsciously: "It's all for your own good, just because he loves you, so he does this."
However, language is the most confusing and incapable of reflecting sincerity. The body and feelings are the most undeceptive.
Once someone invades your space excessively, your anger is inevitable. You can never stop the anger from arise. At most, you can only temporarily suppress the anger.
If anger has been suppressed for too long, then once it explodes, it will be devastating, either destroying the other party or destroying yourself.
Destroying the other party means an attack and ushering in a very destructive relationship; destruction of yourself means an attack inward, ultimately making yourself depressed.
This is why those who have always been introverted, withdrawn and obedient often do things that make people around them incredible.
The originator of utopia , Thomas Moore , once said: "You'd better be friends with people who can express their anger."
Why?
Because people who can express their anger reasonably are far more suitable for establishing relationships with others than those who are not angry.
So, for physical and mental health and happiness, within the scope permitted by the environment, let us do our best to be ourselves.
